To not want to leave an abusive partner

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Hi
I suppose I’ve come here to look for clarity. I don’t know if I should stay with my partner of nearly 5 years. I love him but I also hate him, he is treating me awfully and I’m just letting him walk all over me. Our DD is 6 months old so I suppose I am with him for her. However recently things are getting worse. He takes cocaine and drinks a lot (I drink but no cocaine) when he had it he screams abuse at me calling me every name under the sun, I’m a bad mum, pack my bags and leave, he hates me, I’m a cheat liar fat etc etc (I don’t understand where’s this comes from I have never cheated in my life) the other week he went on a bender didn’t sleep for 2 days and came charging at me trying to throttle me becaue I told him to go to bed. This is now a weekly occurrence and when I co front him when he’s sober he’s either embarrassed and tells me to leave him alone or everything is my fault. I’ve told him he has a problem but he’s in denial.
When we get on it’s so good. He’s great with DD and me in the week and he does make me happy. We have gone through so much together I don’t want to throw it all away especially now I have a 6 mo th old I’m terrified of leaving and being in my own. I have a great family and friends circle but no mum or dad so he knows I don’t have anywhere to go when he tries to chuck me out.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. I feel like I can’t with him but can’t live without him.

Well of course you have to leave him OP. If not for your sake, for your daughter’s. it doesn’t really get much worse than this, does it? He has already come charging at you to throttle you. There is a baby in this house. He is very dangerous. You need to keep yourself and your child safe. Do you have anywhere you can go today?

Sure he's good when he's good, ypu have to think of your child , yes we all like a drink now and again , but cocaine we know has adverse side affects and to be fair this man should not be around your child .. the behavior stems from his personality it seems but heightened with the sniff he could hurt you .... then the downer from it .. why do you want to be around him .. it's unstable chaotic , and no place for a child of any age .. you will be asking yourself this same question in 10 years time and you will regret not leaving him , trust me I've been there .. get the fuck out of that relationship ! He's a waster

I feel like I can’t with him but can’t live without him.

You can. You did before you met him.

This will only escalate and who knows what could happen to you or your child.

He tried to throttle you. This alone is a major warning sign, never mind everything else. You and your baby are both in danger and you need to get out now. Please please get help.

You need to leave him before you end up dead or worse still DD ends up dead.

Jesus Christ, this is how women die. You have to leave this unstable, abusive, violent man. How can you allow your child to share a house with a violent drug user?

www.refuge.org.uk/our-work/forms-of-violence-and-abuse/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-the-facts/

Please read through this. These are facts.

You won't need to worry soon as you will be dead...

Hi op. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I just want you to know that this is not normal and this is not your fault. But you need to make a change because this is not a safe environment for your child to grow up in and your priority needs to be to keep them safe.
Leaving will be very hard and may be dangerous but it will be worth it, and you will be able to live a life where you are not walking on eggshells and can prioritise your needs and the needs of your child.
Please phone women's aid for advice. They won't judge you and will help you.

Our DD is 6 months old so I suppose I am with him for her.

How is this for her? Please don't put the blame on your child for you wanting to stay with him. Its undeniably abusive what hes doing and you think that environment is ok to bring your daughter up in?
So you know that he is abusive and doing drugs yet want to stay? Sorry to say you are just as much of the problem if you allow your child to grow up in this environment.

Either you leave
Or SS get involved and they make you leave
Or they take your child way

You have choices at the minute

You won’t for much longer

It’s not actually optional. If you don’t leave him you will loose you’re child.

You have to leave for your daughter. For her immediate safety and for her long term wellbeing.

Experiencing domestic abuse (which she is) can have a horrendous impact on children and last into adulthood.

Domestic abuse escalates so will get worse not better. Please get all the support you can, make a plan and get the hell away from him.

Good luck OP and keep talking.

My mum stayed with my drunken father for years, and I’ve never quiet forgiven her for what we went though because she didn’t leave.

You need to get out , anyone acting like this does not love you.
You and your DC need a safe place , please contact them www.refuge.org.uk/.
I know leaving is a scary prospect but you need to for yourself and your DC or she will grow up thinking that this is acceptable behaviour from a man and end up on the same downward path

@Winterdaysarehere not helpful !

OK...
Read the following.... Slowly...

He WONT change... He may beg/plead.

Your baby may end up motherless...

Strangling/placing hands on neck at the best predictor of spousal murder....

This '' can't live with them or without them''... Is popularised by women who are still with violent partners... Or people that have been killed by their partners (I know of 2 such women) or their violent partners...

It sounds romantic and dramatic.... It's just an excuse for male violence

I have been here myself. My ex almost killed me. I left because I didn't was DD to think DV was acceptable.

Surely the reason to leave is for your DDs sake. Your instinct should be to protect her from drug use, drinking etc.

Madness to bring a child into this. One thing to make your own choices as an adult but children cannot remove or protect themselves from situations.

I read all of your replies and I’m breaking down because I know you are all right that I need to leave. I dont have anywhere to go, I could stay out for 1 or 2 nights at a friends maybe but I’ve got a 6 month old baby it isn’t easy or fair on anybody else.

You want to stay, its your life. Be sure to write a will leaving your belongings to your daughter and giving guardianship of your daughter to someone who will look after her should things go wrong.

@SamBeckett I agree with @winterdaysarehere. This is a man that thinks nothing of going on cocaine benders and throttling his partner/mother of his child. If she doesn’t get out then this will escalate further.

Op, is this the behaviour you want your DD to grow up around? She will think that this is a normal relationship and could end up choosing a partner who treats her the same way. How would you feel if your daughter was being treated like this?

Why do you have to leave? Throw him out!

You aren't with this man for your child, you're with him for you. You love him and fear loneliness. Let me tell you, he doesn't love you and, with him, you are already alone

You need to find the courage to leave this man - and therefore survive - for your daughter.

You also have worth, why does women's self preservation always have to be for someone else, you deserve safety and happiness too.

You may be eligible to go into refuge. I did this 6 years ago a week before Christmas and it is the best decision I have even made for myself and my children. Our lives are so different now.

You can do this. You are stronger than you think and it will be so worth it.