Hi
I suppose I’ve come here to look for clarity. I don’t know if I should stay with my partner of nearly 5 years. I love him but I also hate him, he is treating me awfully and I’m just letting him walk all over me. Our DD is 6 months old so I suppose I am with him for her. However recently things are getting worse. He takes cocaine and drinks a lot (I drink but no cocaine) when he had it he screams abuse at me calling me every name under the sun, I’m a bad mum, pack my bags and leave, he hates me, I’m a cheat liar fat etc etc (I don’t understand where’s this comes from I have never cheated in my life) the other week he went on a bender didn’t sleep for 2 days and came charging at me trying to throttle me becaue I told him to go to bed. This is now a weekly occurrence and when I co front him when he’s sober he’s either embarrassed and tells me to leave him alone or everything is my fault. I’ve told him he has a problem but he’s in denial.
When we get on it’s so good. He’s great with DD and me in the week and he does make me happy. We have gone through so much together I don’t want to throw it all away especially now I have a 6 mo th old I’m terrified of leaving and being in my own. I have a great family and friends circle but no mum or dad so he knows I don’t have anywhere to go when he tries to chuck me out.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. I feel like I can’t with him but can’t live without him.