I feel so sad an embarrassed to even type all this. I know there have been a million and one posts like this before and I always hoped this subject would apply to me too.
But I have just within the past hour found messages on my husbands Apple Watch that basically show he was trying to meet someone for sex.
He claims that all he wanted was dirty talk and he has only ever done it this time and once before he messaged someone (a week ago) and didn't get a response (initially said he only did it once and then within 15 mins mentioned this second incident). He says he has never ever met with anyone and would never had sex, but in the message he asks if that person is local and also makes a comment about his regulars being busy so she should leave him hanging. The messages were sent late last night and it looks like the only reason they hadn't finalised a meet was because of essentially a diary clash.
I'm going to try and give some background, but apologies in advance if I drip feed, my head is all over the place.
We have a 3 year old and an almost 1 year old. 1 year old had a scary birth and we have been going through a very tough time. He still breastfeeds every 2-3 hours night and day and doesn't drink from a milk/cup. Solid food is an issue (but that's another story). Both children are mummy's boys so they want me alll the time, I am overweight, touched out and a little depressed if I'm honest. Sure to go back to work in a couple of weeks and dreading it.
Husband says he has felt neglected and unloved sexually and needed comfort from someone. I knew we were in a bad way, sex life is pretty non-existent right now, but I'm
Literally doing 4 wakes (which includes 3 feeds) a night. I know he needs me, but my kids, especially the youngest have needed me too.
I truly thought we were at a place of hunkering down for a few months and getting to a point where the youngest can eat and sleep and then we work on us. Even talked about counselling.
I know I haven't been the wife he needed, but in my book if that's how you feel, you end the marriage first before you so much as glance at another woman. He says he is not blaming me, but has give like six different reasons why things o have done have pushed him here.
Now I just feel like all hope is gone. I was brought up around infidelity and it made childhood a nightmare. My father even had a child with another woman, though remains married to my mother. I have sworn I would never become her. Resented her for her weakness. And prayed I would never be in this sort of situation but I am.
Right now I think I am in shock. I feel like what I have to do now is get divorced. Figure out how we split things up and become another statistic. Well, either way I'll be another statistic.
We were just getting ready to go to church and have family over later. I don't know how I'm meant to function. I don't know what to do. I'm currently hiding in our bedroom while he is downstairs with the kids.
I don't know how to get through the rest of today, not to talk of the rest of my life...