Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP going to dog sit for ex on our first Christmas Eve. Err?

94 replies

Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 00:26

Have just been informed that we can't spend Christmas Eve together because DP agreed to dog sit for his ex a few months ago.

In an effort not to drip feed...

We got together in October 2018. This afternoon we were chatting about our plans for Christmas Day and Boxing Day (separately with our respective children/extended families). I suggested spending some time together Christmas Eve after work then he told me this. His STBXW is going away with her new partner and the children until Christmas Day eve and they can't take the dog, so he is going to stay in their family home Christmas Eve after work (and the night before) with the dog.

It's got me thinking really. Why would he agree to this without thinking about me? Because of other plans it means not seeing each other for 10 days now over our first Christmas as a couple. Would this bother you? The Christmas bit isn't the thing that bothers me as much as not thinking about how I might feel about it. Is it normal to do dog sitting like this on special occasions?

Rational/get a grip woman comments welcome ladies! Can't figure this out alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 00:27

*proper couple

as we hadn't long started dating by last Christmas

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 17/11/2019 00:30

Can't he bring the dog to his place? Was it their family dog, that he has responsibility for?

LemonTT · 17/11/2019 00:37

If I hadn’t made plans for spending Christmas together, I’d be ok with it. Even if we had , I’d be ok with it. He’s with a dog, getting some quiet time and dog adoration. Thats a good plan. I envy him.

You’ve got the weekend before to see him.

Original poster
Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 00:45

Yes it's a family dog.

Because of other commitments we are both busy the weekend before I discovered today. I am a last minute person so wouldn't normally talk about Christmas until closer to the time having got used to being alone so wasn't on my radar until this weekend. I had mentioned plans that I had the weekend before though I think.

If I am a bit vague it is because his ex is a MNr too and I don't want to upset her.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 17/11/2019 00:54

If he was living with the dog before then he might still love the dog in which case I can see why he would be looking after her

VenusTiger · 17/11/2019 00:56

OP, their family dog is a member of the family, divorced or not. He has every right to agree to this, it’s his dog!
Why don’t you go and spend the evening with him there!
Getting upset over nothing imo, but then I’m an animal lover through and through.

fastliving · 17/11/2019 01:01

Can you stay at the family home with him and dog sit together.
If he doesn't want to do that - or make any time for you eg bring the dog with him so you can still see each other - I would say he just not into you

Original poster
Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 01:01

Thanks for your replies. So far it seems I am out of whack!

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 17/11/2019 01:02

Can't he bring the dog to his place?

Must say I wouldn't want to be away from my kids on Christmas Eve/Day but still be tied to the house as a dog sitter. That's the worst of all worlds.

BingoLittlesUncle · 17/11/2019 01:03

Seems OK to me. I have a mate who's sole contact with ex-DW is to deal with dog sitting arrangements.

Butterymuffin · 17/11/2019 01:11

I'm now coming round more to this as a bad thing. He's agreed to spend Christmas Eve night there, so wake up on Christmas Day alone in his empty former family home, to look after the dog? He's a mug to have agreed to it. And it also impacts on you. I wouldn't want to think of this happening again and again in the future.

TimeForNewStart · 17/11/2019 01:14

Looking after the dog is fine, but he can do that at his house or yours, seems a bit odd to have to do it at the ex’s!

OneDay10 · 17/11/2019 04:22

Well that's certainly put you in your place op, the dog comes before you! I wouldnt be happy with this. The ex needed to have sorted that out.
So she goes off with her new partner and children, while he spends Christmas like a mug in the house alone sitting the dog!

UnicornsExist · 17/11/2019 04:29

Dogs usually like staying in other houses. No reason at all why the dog can't stay in his house or yours, DP doesn't need to stay in the dogs/ex family home. Problem solved.

MsDogLady · 17/11/2019 04:32

He should absolutely prioritize seeing you on Christmas Eve.

StealthPussy · 17/11/2019 04:40

Yes it’s weird OP. I’m assuming their split was very amicable. I mean, he’s happy to sit in his old house with his old dog while his wife and kids are off having happy family time with new partner when he could be having time with you.
I think it’s clear who is this man’s best friend.
Can you explain to us why it’s not possible for him to have the dog at yours or his? Would it scare other pets or something?

SD1978 · 17/11/2019 04:51

Why can't the dog come to him? Who does it need to be watched in the ex marital home, that she now shares with a new partner?

Timeforanamechange2020 · 17/11/2019 05:51

Why can’t the dog go to his/yours? Looking after the dog is fine but why at ex’s?

MyOtherProfile · 17/11/2019 05:57

Presumably you can't go with him because of your kids? Can he bring the dog to yours?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/11/2019 06:14

I imagine he is dog sitting in her house because the dog is used to the environment as he’s at work. Perhaps if he weren’t working it would be different.

He didn’t think things through well vis a vis spending time with you. But be glad your dp has a decent relationship with his ex and her new partner. That means your relationship has a lot better chance.

You could always suggest looking after the dog yourself and him being at yours when not working.

UhareFouxisci · 17/11/2019 06:24

@Longfacenow if they are going on holiday they would have made bookings months ago and would have secured dog care arrangements then. Responsible pet owners won't make any plans that leave an open question about how their pets will be looked after.

no idea whether this is still true, but at the time when these plans were made, you were not important enough to warrant any consultation. unless your relationship has significantly deepened in recent months, it may just be that he's not that into you.

blackcat86 · 17/11/2019 06:24

How is the rest of your relationship because it sounds like he's actually a decent bloke to retain some of the caring for the family dog (presumably bought whilst they were together) and to do that in family home because it's where the dog will no doubt be most comfortable. Surely it's for the 2 of you to come up a compromise as to when the best time to do something christmassy together would be but that shouldnt have to be xmas eve.

Goldenchildsmum · 17/11/2019 06:37

Sounds like he's a good guy.

Go with him to look after ddog or bring ddog to yours/his.

Riverviews · 17/11/2019 06:51

My responsibilities for my pet didn't go away after I got divorced. The pet stayed with my ex but when he's on holidays, the pet comes and stays with me.

Maybe your DP feels equally responsible and his dog is not good at moving houses? Could the dog realistically come to yours? Or his? Suggest it and see

Beautiful3 · 17/11/2019 07:39

He sounds like a nice guy. He obviously loves the dog. I know a few men who still have access time with their dogs from previous relationships.

Swipe left for the next trending thread