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Original poster

DP going to dog sit for ex on our first Christmas Eve. Err?

94 replies

Longfacenow · 17/11/2019 00:26

Have just been informed that we can't spend Christmas Eve together because DP agreed to dog sit for his ex a few months ago.

In an effort not to drip feed...

We got together in October 2018. This afternoon we were chatting about our plans for Christmas Day and Boxing Day (separately with our respective children/extended families). I suggested spending some time together Christmas Eve after work then he told me this. His STBXW is going away with her new partner and the children until Christmas Day eve and they can't take the dog, so he is going to stay in their family home Christmas Eve after work (and the night before) with the dog.

It's got me thinking really. Why would he agree to this without thinking about me? Because of other plans it means not seeing each other for 10 days now over our first Christmas as a couple. Would this bother you? The Christmas bit isn't the thing that bothers me as much as not thinking about how I might feel about it. Is it normal to do dog sitting like this on special occasions?

Rational/get a grip woman comments welcome ladies! Can't figure this out alone.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 17/11/2019 20:02

@lynsey91, for a few hours, yes. Or meet with OP a place where he can take the dog (assuming she's not the one allergic to it).

Winterdaysarehere · 17/11/2019 20:07

And the ex has absolutely no friends or family? She is making sure you know your place and he is accepting of that.
Twat imo.

NoSquirrels · 17/11/2019 21:53

Lifeisabeach I think the issue is the dog will have been alone all day whilst he’s at work, so he can’t then leave it alone for another “few hours” while he & OP spend time together after work. That would be massively unfair on the dog and not what he promised to do.

There is the option of a dog-friendly pub if the dog is pub-friendly! (but all dogs are happy or easy-going in that environment - but perhaps there’s also distance issues etc.

It’s just one of those things this year, but if OP makes her disappointment known and they both promise to plan better from now on with a bit more discussion it doesn’t need to be a big deal.

Lifeisabeach09 · 17/11/2019 22:34

NoSquirrels, he doesn't have to be with the dog every single minute outside of work (unless he wants to, of course!) After work, he can walk , feed and spend quality time with dog and still meet his gf for Xmas eve drink or dinner then return to the dear dog for cuddles and sleepover.
I wasn't saying ditch his responsibility, I was saying fit the girlfriend in.

NoSquirrels · 17/11/2019 23:02

Do you have a dog, Life? Most owners wouldn’t do that. If the dogs been alone 8+ hours, most people wouldn’t then leave their dog for another stint that evening. Cats are OK with a bit of quality time for cuddles but spending the majority of time alone, dogs like to be around people the majority of the time so yes, he probably does need to be with the dog every single minute outside of work if that’s what he promised to do.

BumbleBeee69 · 17/11/2019 23:12

So far it seems I am out of whack

Kick this ARSE HOLE into the New Year OP.. WTF am I reading here ?! He's prioritised his Ex Wives DOG over seeing you... the dog would be perfectly safe and well looked after in Dog Kennels.. these are professionals that cater to a dog individual needs.. a spare the Dogs too precious for Kennels crap.. I have a dog ... she is wonderful... but if required.. Kennels it is.. they are great..

You are not important to this man... read that again OP..

YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT TO THIS MAN.

Bellaxx8 · 17/11/2019 23:26

Why does he walk the dog every week?

I think he’s being unreasonable. It’s not even his dog. He should be putting you before a bloody dog!

Lifeisabeach09 · 18/11/2019 00:12

If the dogs been alone 8+ hours, most people wouldn’t then leave their dog for another stint that evening.
No social life for dog owners then.

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2019 00:15

No social life for dog owners then.
But if you work full time out of the house, no. That’s why loads of people either shouldn’t have dogs, because they don’t treat them properly by leaving them alone too much, or get dogs and then give them up when they realise the commitment.

1forAll74 · 18/11/2019 01:02

I think it's an ok thing that he is doing.. I would rather dog sit,than see any people to be honest.

HUZZAH212 · 18/11/2019 01:05

I think some people are spectacularly missing the point - its not necessarily about the dog being put first. It sounds more about him ensuring he gets to spend as much time as possible with his children when they return home on Christmas day. He and his ex-wife had the discussion months ago surrounding Christmas plans, the kids, and the dog agreement was made with presumably both parties happy. OP by her own admission has only just had that conversation with him. So unless he's the kind of man who'll say to his kids, 'well actually you can't do your Christmas plans with your mum now (potentially seeing grandparents?), because my new GF doesn't want me to look after Fido on Christmas Eve, even though I know promised I would.' Then that's what he needs to do.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 18/11/2019 01:21

Let me go against the grain here. I'd have a problem with it. He didnt consider your feelings.

RantyAnty · 18/11/2019 02:34

The dog could have very easily went to a kennel where it would be looked after. Mine was quite spoiled as he is a tiny breed. :)

The part that he didn't even ask what you were doing or consider you at the holidays is the part that would bother me.

You didn't say if him and the dog could come to yours?

BeanBag7 · 18/11/2019 02:53

Surely he doesn't need to be with the dog 24 hours a day?

Couldnt you suggest going out for a meal or something which takes a few hours.

Original poster
Longfacenow · 18/11/2019 07:55

Unfortunately due to allergies the dog couldn't come to me anyway, but also it would be alone all day. Where it is now, a neighbour is going to pop in and let it out. The dog is used to being with company as DPs ex is a SAHM.

Yes we live a little distance away and so having read the replies I think he is prioritising being able to see the kids Christmas day night, which is a great thing! And is sticking to his word with his ex, also a good quality no?

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 18/11/2019 08:09

Where do you figure op? Are you happy being behind a ddog in his list of priorities?

SuperMeerkat · 18/11/2019 08:12

Disclaimer, not a dog lover. Why can’t the dog go to kennels? Surely you’re more important?

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2019 08:23

Good Lord, sometimes I do worry people can’t read properly!

Yes, I think sticking to his word, and prioritising his children and being a bloke who takes responsibilities seriously are good qualities. Advance planning and being clear you’ll miss him and wish it was different so let’s sort it a bit better from now on will sort it, hopefully.

Sotoes · 18/11/2019 08:39

I think it's ok for this to happen this year. If you're still together next Christmas, then I'm sure you won't be spending 10 days apart.

NeedAnExpert · 18/11/2019 08:45

But waking up alone on Christmas day in their house??

Maybe it’s just another day to him, as it is to many other people.

You say in your OP that you aren’t bothered about it being Xmas, but you clearly are!

lynsey91 · 18/11/2019 08:57

@BumbleBeee69 not all dogs are happy in kennels. One of my dogs isn't. I am not keen on kennels anyway. My dogs are used to having someone with them most of the day and in kennels, obviously, that isn't going to happen is it?

OP says the ex wife is a SAHM so the dog is used to someone being with it. If the OP's boyfriend is at work on Christmas Eve then yes he does need to spend the whole evening with it.

If you get a dog you take on the responsibility for it's wellbeing. No dog wants to be left for 8 hours and, in my view, shouldn't. We never leave our dogs for more than 4 hours. If we want to go out for longer we get a dog sitter.

This guy is doing the responsible thing and posters are slagging him off for it. One posters says it is not even his dog. How do you know that? I am assuming it was THEIR dog when they were together. So they split up and he should walk away from any responsibility for it?

The OP says she lives a bit of a distance away from him so he would not just be "popping out" would he?

QueenofPain · 18/11/2019 09:08

These comments are ridic.

Despite what all these people might tell you, I feel 100% confident that you are deffo more important and should be a bigger priority than the dog. I’m not saying the dog should be neglected, but you’re valid in feeling aggrieved that he never even considered you.

Surely the dog can be looked after at his house or your house for the evening? Or you could take the dog out for a nice walk and go for some tea in a dog friendly pub or something?

Ellapaella · 18/11/2019 09:29

I know you have allergies - are they so bad you can't be around the dog at all? If not then I agree you could take the dog out for a walk together on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day and stop somewhere for a couple of drinks so you can spend some time together.
I presume your partner isn't relishing the prospect of being on his own with the dog for two whole days either - it's not really very fair of the EXW to ask him to give up his Christmas to sitting in her house waiting for him to come back. If everything is amicable now then I can't see why you couldn't go round there for a couple of hours to see him before the family come home.

Original poster
Longfacenow · 18/11/2019 09:45

Thanks all.

I am bothered yes, but the more I think about it the more I think a bit of planning and this situation wont arise again. I had thought in my head that it would be our first Christmas and it would be lovely to see him, but didn't actually think to say it aloud until we were specifically talking plans. He could have agreed to this months and months ago...if he agreed to it last week I would be so hurt as we are much closer now.

OP posts:
prawnsword · 18/11/2019 09:53

Why can’t you stay there for Xmas eve ? Does he dislike the holiday season? It could be that they don’t like putting the dog in boarding but is it impossible for the dog to go to his place?

It sounds like he doesn’t want to spend Xmas with you & because this is a year long relationship the holidays can put a magnifying glass on a relationship & either you get closer & presumably spend the holidays together at some stage or you don’t, in which case those relationships would eventually fizzle out

Is there some reason he doesn’t want to do Xmas together that is making you think he is lacking in commitment or that he doesn’t see a future together?

Sorry if have missed this but are you the first partner post break up ? How long has he been single since marriage ?

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