Relationship advice, boyfriend with trust issues? Please read.

[Bluelemon85]

Hello, I'm thinking of ending things with my partner of two years.
He is sometimes a lovely guy, or seems to be. He is kind, generous and usually fun to be with. However, he has never trusted me and this crops up from time to time, it has right from the beginning but I persevered in the hope we could overcome this.
He gets upset if I don't answer the phone quickly or miss his calls. He has taken to video calling me lots. He does work away so it's nice sometimes but I've a feeling he's checking up as sometimes he has asked who is with me in the house, when there has been no one. Also, if I move his stuff to tidy up he suggests I'm hiding it because I have another man round. He turns up late at night sometimes too and I think he is checking. I recently had a skin complaint on my leg and he said it was an STD...When we have arguments he calls me a slag and other things. Then goes back to his normal self but I have been keeping track of these things. There have been other issues as well but I wondered if this is enough.
I have never given him cause for concern. I am the least likely person to cheat. I'm quite private and not very social, I spend a lot of time alone. He however, sometimes goes on drinking binges and I don't hear from him on days when this happens. He gave me his Facebook password because I was concerned about a girl contacting him late at night. Since then he has added others, sent messages to exes and even joined a dating site. He said this was all simply to make me jealous, as he knew I would be looking. Whether that's the case or not, of course it did make me jealous and upset and I have acted a bit crazy on occasion due to this. I have decided I can't do this anymore as recently he accused me again, so I left him to his own devices. He hasn't made much contact and I blocked him after abusive texts.
I suppose I just feel a bit sad that we did share good times and I feel like it's been dirtied by all this negativity. I care about him but feel he has issues and I worry for myself.
What are your thoughts? I have tried to speak to him about my feelings throughout our relationship but he always dismisses it says he will change but never has.

My thoughts? Dump.

Don’t be controlled by this paranoid abusive idiot. You can’t live your life like this.

End it with complete confidence that you’re doing the right thing.

Dump. I couldn't handle his game playing. Being in a loving relationship shouldn't be this hard.

Exactly what @atrocious said.

He's reflecting himself on you.

People with "trust issues" should not be in relationships, until they no longer have them. I despise the bleating of "but I have trust issues" to justify shitty emotionally abusive behaviour. The only reply is "ok, we will need to break up then". Why on earth should some new, innocent person carry the load of their significant other's bad relationship history? I've no sympathy. Get rid.

Dump today
He is most likely accusing you of things he is doing.

The std statement- he has been cheating on you

Oh lovie, none of this is reasonable or acceptable in a loving relationship.
He is probably accusing you of all this stuff because he's likely doing it himself!
He is abusing you. He will say he'll change, but only to keep reeling you in.
Please get rid of him and be happy and secure in yourself again.

I guess I'm just looking for validation that I'm doing the right thing. He has done other things in the past like broken my phones and once broke into my house when he was drunk. This was over a year ago and he got help for his drinking but it seems to have started up again. I have felt physically threatened at times though he has not actually hit me. He says he never would and I'm being silly. But this messaging other women thing has been making me so upset too, and if he is just trying to get a reaction out of me, it's certainly been working.Why would anyone even do that?
I was thinking it's better to leave him blocked, without saying more. I really don't want a confrontation to be honest.

Dump.

Dump but be very careful. Can you install cameras outside your housekeeper go and stay with a friend or relative for a bit? Abusive men are at their most dangerous when women leave them.

He isn’t “lovely”, he is terrible & that is abuse.

I could go to a friends but I have a pet who couldnt really so I wouldnt leave her. He doesnt seem too bothered so far but I am wary.
He was supposed to stop the drinking as it exacerbates his already paranoid personality, but seems to have forgotten his promises.
I have been thinking its abuse too. But then I doubt myself like maybe I have talked myself into thinking it to validate myself. Hmm. I have even left things out here so I guess it is abusive.

Get rid! He's a controlling, aggressive, jealous man. If this is your idea of a lovely guy then something is very wrong.

Dump him but be prepared for him to get nasty so have a plan and don’t give in.

He's controlling paranoid and abusive.
Leave him on block. If he threatens you or comes around, call the police.

Do you live together? If so, his house or yours?

Next time he becomes physically abusive (phone incident, for example) call the police.

You will need the documentation vs he said she said

He will never change, people like him never do. You will never be able to convince him otherwise, there's no point in bothering to try because it won't work.

You need to decide whether you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life, or whether you would prefer to leave him and find someone else who will treat you with love, respect, kindness and above all, trust.

‘..I wondered if this is enough.’

‘..maybe I have talked myself into thinking it to validate myself.’

You don’t have to pass a certain level of bad behaviour to split up with someone, there’s no test, you don’t need his permission and you don’t have to justify your reasons. You can just split up with him. It’s your decision.

The fact you feel the need to validate your reasons shows you’re used to being questioned and second guessed by this man and probably spend a lot of time questioning yourself as a result. How exhausting. A relationship should be founded on mutual trust and respect. He shows you neither.

His abusive paranoid behaviour is more than enough reason to dump as it’s miserable to live like this, but even if you just weren’t feeling it anymore that’s enough too. You don’t have to give him your reasons or discuss it with him, saying ‘I’m done, it’s over’ is enough.

Dump him, this behaviour will only get worse. Good luck

No we don't live together which makes it a bit easier. I can call the police if I get trouble I guess.
I just feel mixed up and sad that I've spent so much time waiting for him to change, I know he won't deep down. He never will believe me, yet he dismisses the fact that I have seen evidence of his indiscretion. Apparently I should just "know" that it's to get at me. It's all so crap. I know I'm better off alone.

It has been exhausting. At times I have been at breaking point mentally. I have spent a lot of time wondering where he is, why he does things, why I do things. He says he loves me but he never puts me first. And now I feel like I can't trust him. Yet it's me who is made to feel untrustworthy.
And I bet he isn't say mulling things over like I am.

It’s absolutely abuse.

Whether he drinks or not this will always be who he is.

You cannot change or control him - and whatever you do or don’t do, your behaviour doesn’t make him who he is or ever warrant abuse.

You are in an abusive relationship and need to finish it with him. Contact a DV organisation in order to do that safely. Let him know it's over and ask him not to contact you again. If he does it will be harassment. Keep any abusive text messages, divert his calls to go straight to voice mail so you can record any abusive messages as evidence for the police. Contact Women's Aid for further advice. If he comes to your place or threatens you, dial 999.

I haven't seen him properly for a couple of weeks, apart from the last altercation and abusive texts a week ago at which point I blocked him. However though he is blocked I can still see if he tried to call and messages get filtered.
I have told him many times if the behaviour continued I would go so hopefully he will see that's what's happened. I have reached a breaking point. But I'm going to be vigilant. I don't think he has tried to call, just a couple of texts.
I do worry though as he does not seem to take anything on board properly as others do.
I am trying to set myself free, I know it's the best way.

Well done on making that decision to get rid of him. Dont be taken in if he comes back begging for another chance and promising to change. He's shown you who he really is, he is not a good man and certainly not good boyfriend material. You deserve better than this.

He sounds like a real twat. He has been abusive and treated you like shit..... Dump dump dump. Your young and no kids get away quick before you are in any deeper.

Blue, you said you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why he does things and why you do things. I recommend you read “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft. It will give you all the answers you need to those questions.
Keep ignoring him. You are doing the right thing. Any contact with him is a waste of your life and damaging to you.