Update 2 - Soliciters today

[Coronade]

Hi all
Thought it would be easier to start a new thread. So Soliciters was fine and only cost £18 for first 30 mins.
Property ok as joint tenants so 50:50 share and if he refuses she can apply for some order to force it.
The cars are fine as it’s who paid for them not whose on the reg doc and they were paid out of joint money from the sale of a previous house. If he wants to keep them he has to give me half the value.
As my youngest child is only a year away from 18 she said there is no point going for maintenance for me or her if he refuses to pay anything as it would cost too much going through the courts to be worth it.

Also said to write a will and freeze any joint accounts ( they have no money in them but he could get a loan on it and I would be liable).

I can’t make him leave the house though unless he is violent ( she said to call police if he does as quicker to get him out and keep him away). Otherwise if he wants to stay living here till house is sold he can 😩.

All depends now on how he reacts when I tell him. I really hope he is ok. I’m going to be civil for the sake of the kids and I’m hoping karma will payback my positive approach 🤞 if he is civil it should be straightforward I just want my 50% and for him to be out of my life.
Going to spend next week sorting out paper work and my friend is going to keep stuff safe for me. Going to change all my bank card pin codes too.
Think I’m still going to wait till he’s away with OW next weekend will tell DD sat night and DS Sunday morning (won’t help his hangover but I can’t keep putting it off). I will text DP Sunday morning while he’s still in bed with OW. I don’t think I could say the words out loud to him. I hate confrontation, I know I will just get angry and end up crying and I don’t want him to see me cry.
When I got home yesterday (was at school thing with DD) he was home with a big bag of his favourite chocolate in the fridge (a present from OW as she mentioned them in one of her messages). I was tempted to wipe the rest over the dogs bum hole but worried DS might eat one and don’t want to abuse my poor dog😂🤮

I didn't tell exh I had filed. Just waited for the solicitor '"s letter to reach him.
Much better ime.
No chance of abuse...

Well done OP.
How you are managing to maintain any kind of calm in front of him is amazing.
Your plan is a good one.
Just really think about how and what you tell the DC.
They aren't stupid. Hell, my 11 YO figured it out pretty quick.
So truthful but don't put your DH down to them.
When with family or friends in the presence of my DD, the topic of ExH was off the table!
No bad-mouthing. Just facts.
Keep going OP - you are truly awesome!

It sounds like you’ve had really good, clear advice and you are on top of it. Stay strong. Stay angry.

Glad to see a positive outcome of the solicitor appointment! OP how you can keep your cool and maintain a sense of humour I’ll never know! 😂

Been keeping an eye on your situation and glad you’ve got some professional advise.
Don’t know how you’re holding it together being around him though, I would be dropping all sorts of sarcastic passive aggressive hints.

Wishing you only the best OP 🌷

Well done. That sounds quite positive. I did snigger slightly about the plans for the chocolate. Quite right to spare the dog that indignity. Just eat them all instead. I think that your plan of telling the kids, then texting him is a good one. Good luck and keep in being so fabulous.

It’s hard keeping stuff quiet OP without wishing to poke them in the balls with a rusty nail but always best to put yourself in the driving seat however hard it is. It is doable though and I really wish you well. I too would text or email (if he checks his emails via his phone regularly) . Stay classy, stay calm, think ‘fuck you’

You know you can apply for cold maintenance thro CMS. If he is in paid employment as opposed to self employed, you’ll get money without having to spend anything. Apart from I think £20 to sign up, they’ll pursue him for the money.

You will get child maintenance till children go to university. May not be long but it’s money coming in for a while.

I’m astounded that you’ve been able to stay so calm & in control. I’m impressed.

I’d have the divorce papers delivered to him when he’s with her.

for you OP, sounds like you're a great mum and thinking everything through properly.

I think Winterdaysarehere's suggestion of just waiting until he gets the divorce papers is a good one but you would porbably need to tell you children and then there would be pressure on him to keep quiet until he receives them which may not be fair.

Is there a link to the original thread from when you were on holiday?

OP you are fantastic.

How you are keeping this calm and quiet i will never know.

Absolutely tell him next weekend, sooner if you get your ducks in a row. I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

I wish your Soon to be x husband nothing but crabs and karma

Hi
Sorry any new readers I asked for the first holiday instalment to be removed. Someone posted that the OW might see it and I went into a panic and asked mumsnet to remove it.
Just to clarify we are not married, he didn’t want to - something I can thank him for now.
Told my siblings today. They weren’t surprised, none of them like him as he called them all c**ts at my dads funeral ( I knew he’d had a go at them but didn’t know he’d said that). They suspect he’s had affairs before as BIL say him a couple of years ago at a sporting event with another women but didn’t say anything as could have been innocent. But that’s irrelevant now.
House is already on the market ( was on before I found out) and have 3 viewers this weekend. Please all keep your fingers crossed for me that one of them wants to buy it. One step nearer to freedom!!
DS just got in from work and went straight for the chocolates, I did chuckle to myself, lucky I didn’t add to them with essence of dogs bum hole 😂😂

@Coronade Also change all your email and social media account passwords! So he can't access any info between you and your solicitors (and in case he doesn't take it well and decides to use your accounts).

Have you got things like your passports out of his reach? Get friend to look after those.

Wiping chocolates over the dogs bum hole 😂 that shows you've not lost your sense of humor, you got this girl, chin up, tits out, we're behind you

Also he was violent, he threw something at you and left a bruise!

OP, you’ve sounded so level headed throughout.

I like a PPs idea of saying nothing until solicitors papers arrive in the post.

You are doing amazing
Report him to the police he has been violent towards you

You're doing so well. All the best for telling the children.

Have read your previous threads Coronade you're doing well, must be very difficult to keep quiet and not blow up at him

DS just got in from work and went straight for the chocolates, I did chuckle to myself. Well done DS

Well done op your doing fantastic.

When you say can't force him out unless he's abusive?? He threw a cup at you and you have been left with a bruise. That is abuse. And I am sure there will be other times that he's done things if he's happy to throw a cup at you.

When you txt him tell him you hope he stays away as if pushed you will get an occupation order.

If he's had affairs in the past do you think he's not planning on leaving or hooking up with OW? He may be just about to get the shock of his life and lose his DC along with 50% of his assets!

I would expect his DC to think badly of him after this. I'd not speak to my dad if he shat all over us like this. And he is betraying his DC along with their mother. He has wrecked their family, their foundation in which they build their lives on.

You are amazing! I don't know how you are holding it together. I really hope things work out for you and karma bites him on the arse 🤣

You are a super woman OP, keep it up.