Trigger warning - something happened last night

[Paulettepink]

And my head is in a mess. Something that started out as consensual (kissing) went wrong and I can't make sense of it...
He wanted to take it further, but I didn't as no condoms. I tried to push him away. I told him no, I told him I didn't want to, I told him to stop. But he didn't, not until he was inside me. He thinks that fine because he didn't finish. Said we didn't have sex, it was just penetration. And something that made zero sense about differences in how/why you say no. I feel numb and confused. And hurt because I trusted him

OP even if you dont want to report in the end, please get some help somehow- talk to someone via a helpline or a message service or counselling. You have had two traumas, these violations will have an impact upon you and it won't just go away. Hugs x

I am so sorry Paulette.

He's not confused, he does understand. You said no, you were crying and frantic and he didn't stop. He knows what he's done. You are not being sensitive or overreacting. He is trying to minimize and re-write history because he know he was wrong. None of this is your fault.

I know I am repeating many previous posters but I think you need to hear it lots! There is no grey area. You said no, he raped you. Your reaction is normal and understandable.

I hope you are able to access some real life help.

Thank you, my head still feels like it is filled with cotton wool. I'm worried my ex will find out somehow as he seems to think we are still together

The reason he has rewritten the version of events is incase your phone is taken as evidence, he is probably worried you'll report him.

Why are you worried about your ex- do you love him still?

Part of me yes, but he would blame me and say I cheated on him, among other things

...how could you have cheated? I mean you haven't because you were raped, but I know it started out consensual...that's still not cheating if he was your ex at the time?

Try not to worry about things that haven't yet happened, you've got a lot of your mind and nothing to be ashamed of. You need to be gentle on yourself.

Thank you, I will try

Oh so your ex is one of those guys who think they own you, even after you're no longer together.

Well, too bad - they don't own you when you're together and they definitely don't when you're split up. You could do whatever you liked, whenever, however. It's absolutely nine of his business and you don't have to tell him a thing.

It's so sad and angering that this wasn't a consensual sexual experience and this guy turned out essentially to be a rapist ... But even if he hadn't been it's none of your ex's business.

I wouldn't speak a word about it to him, esp if you think all he'll focus on us that you've had sex with someone, rather than feeling angry, outraged, sorry etc on your behalf at what your acquaintance did - like any decent man would.

I understand from a few comments that your ex is/was abusive so it seems c unlikely that you get any support from him in this horrible situation, more likely you'll just get more hassle, blame etc. Which you seriously don't need.

Yes I don't intend for him to ever find out