Am I being paranoid

[dgl804]

I've recently given birth 8 weeks ago via c section. I'm quite curvy, not "fat" but extra pounds, but I never had a large tummy before. I'm now left with the c section pouch and I'm so low on confidence. My partner keeps touching it and he says it's to prove to me it doesn't matter, but I feel like he's zoning in on it. I found porn on his phone which I'm not happy about and I'm paranoid these are the kind of women he wants. I have been cheated on in my previous relationship. I don't know how to overcome my insecurities

Would you prefer he doesn’t touch it? That’s perfectly okay if so, but have you actually told him?

Talk to him? He may be picking up on the fact that you're sensitive about it, and thinks touching it is the way to show that he doesn't care.

The porn is probably here nor there. But I'm sure others will have their opinion on the porn.

@priceofprogress he got quite offended when I told him off about it, I think it just reminds me that it's there but I'm worried I don't attract him anymore

@HulksPurplePanties the porn has affected me quite a lot. The states he has seen me in the last 8 weeks with birth and after care, and he's on his phone getting off to women who look like that. I'm not a person who thinks porn Is ok to watch when you're in a relationship anyway

He may be trying to show you he doesn’t mind but if it’s bothering you, just ask him not to. It’s no good him touching it if it makes you feel worse. You’ve so recently given birth, there’s still plenty of time to lose weight although I think the c section ‘pouch’ normally stays. Hope you feel better soon and congratulations on your little one

I'm not a person who thinks porn Is ok to watch when you're in a relationship anyway

Then that's an issue you need to address with him. However, I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that because he was looking at porn means he's not attracted to you.

Some men are so insensitive. I'm sure if he suffered from erectile dysfunction he'd love to find pictures of erect penises on your phone.

@HollowTalk exactly

@HulksPurplePanties I've spoke to him about it before but it's just always happened again

@Aloe6 thankyou x

I told dh straight. Him touching my stomach put me off sex. End off.
And also told him the porn ends or we do.
5 years ago and no issues since.
Your body your choice op.
He huffs he can buggar off to the couch.

@Winterdaysarehere I do feel there's a porn issue but like I say, I've told him about it before but it's continued to happen.

It think that the stomach touching is a well meaning but ham-fisted attempt at reassurance.

The porn is a more serious matter. I think that a PP made a super point about erectile dysfunction which you could use as an example when you talk to him.

@ConfCall
Completely agree, he can sometimes make attempts like that meaning well but just aren't. And as for the porn I don't feel i will be able to get past any future finds of that on his phone and he's aware of how I feel

We had "words" the other week about something non related to this post, but it turned into an agreement and he called me a "dog" and said he could say things that could break me. I of course have read into this as he wouldn't tell me exactly what. My confidence is shattered bedsides all of this being said

Hand on heart if i had continued to find any on dh's phone he would have been gone.
Set your standards op.
You don't need to settle for such a man.
Regardless of having a dc together.

@Winterdaysarehere I do agree, and I think it will be more serious if it happens again. Damage had already been done through it

I think uou need to be honest with youtself here.

Why do you object to porn. Deep down. Why? Is it a moralistic issue and you'd be ok with porn where you knew the women were not coerced etc?

Or do you have an issue due to your own insecurities? That you feel he is looking at these women, and comparing them to you, and you don't come out favourably?

If it's the former then sit down and discuss porn types etc. If it's the latter then you need to work on your own self esteem and not try to control him because of your own issues.

If you don't want him touching your tummy make it very clear indeed. However if you've said it once you shouldn't have to say it again, so I'd be wondering just how much he's purposefully trying to fuck with your head.

@Bluntness100 most women would come off less favourably, I don't like him watching porn because given our relationship I aren't sure why he would need it. I'm not a fan of it anyway when in a relationship, and I'm no prude, that's just how I feel.

Seriously Op he called you a "dog"? It sounds as though he knows you have confidence issues and is playing on them somewhat, thats seriously unpleasant and if my DH called me anything like he'd be shown the door.

Also, I don't think by asking your partner not to watch porn is controlling them

I really don't agree most women would come off less favourably. I certainly don't and know few women that would.

But porn is usually a masterbation aide. Do you object to him masterbating, too? Or is he allowed to do that. Just not with porn?

@Nomorewine77
He did, and he's said similar in previous "rows". Then wonders why nice things he says to me usually passed off now

@Bluntness100 I don't know if we are on the same page here, are we talking looks wise? Or?

@Bluntness100 I'm on maternity leave, so I'm usually in when he is. So I object to him masturbating if I nip out for ten minutes so he's used that time to do it yes. I'm not one of those women who pass him off with a headache