Am I being paranoid

[dgl804]

I've recently given birth 8 weeks ago via c section. I'm quite curvy, not "fat" but extra pounds, but I never had a large tummy before. I'm now left with the c section pouch and I'm so low on confidence. My partner keeps touching it and he says it's to prove to me it doesn't matter, but I feel like he's zoning in on it. I found porn on his phone which I'm not happy about and I'm paranoid these are the kind of women he wants. I have been cheated on in my previous relationship. I don't know how to overcome my insecurities

'He admits he wants to hurt me as much as he can in that moment' Wow. What is he a child?
I've had my arguments with the best of them, but I don't have an agenda and certainly don't seek to cause maximum damage.

@user1479305498 I think porn has destroyed "normal" relationship sex in my opinion

OMG he called you a DOG?!!! Ffs I think everything else aside he'd be gone for that!!! Putting everything you've said together I don't think you're paranoid I think he's trying to upset you. He's a twat! How would he feel if you got off to naked men? Get a load of posters of fit men up on your walls, leave a load of your own mags lying around. I bet you anything he won't bloody well like it. He's a test

@Nomorewine77 people say that things are said in an arguement that they don't mean. In my opinion there's an element of truth in these things

In don’t like or agree with the idea that ‘it’s just what men do’. Really? Is that what women now have to accept. It is a turn off for a lot of women.

And op you are the mother of his child! Who the hell does he think he is calling you a dog and threatening to damage you.

The kind of things some men watch in porn. Well it’s no wonder they can’t ‘detach’ and treat and disrespect real life women a similar way.

@tiamariachocolate as childish as it sounds I've thought about giving him a taste of his own medicine but I know it's a recipe for disaster

@Uptonogoodtoo the amount of times I've heard "it's what men do" I really don't agree either

As @Eckhart said, why does "how to break you" crops gods mine at all? Get out mate. There's no going anywhere but misery with a man that says this kind of thing 8 wells post partum.

Cross. His. Mind.
Jeez. 😐

OP I'm so sorry you going through this, you should still be firmly in your newborn bubble, with support, love and kindness from your OH. You need to think about what YOU want and whether you want to be with someone who stoops so low as to call you names. Fast forward a few years is this something you want your DS/DD to overhear their father calling their mother?

A lot of what you've written on here with regards to your OH's behaviour is just downright disrespectful and disgusting.

That's horrible, OP. I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. Do you want to stay with somebody who sometimes wants to hurt you as much as they possibly can, and makes a concerted effort to do so? How will this be for your child as they grow up?

I've said that to him about child ever hearing it, he says it wouldn't happen but I doubt it. I really should still be in my happy bubble and he shouldn't be purposely trying to hurt me

I'm sorry but that isn't a loving relationship. He called you a dog? And said he could break you?
Only if you let him .

Do you have parents you can confide in? Go and stay with them for a bit? If one of my daughters was facing this I would want to support them.

If he's accepting and owning that he's being deliberately abusive, and still doing it, then I don't think you have much choice other than to leave. 'I promise to only abuse you when our child can't hear us' isn't an acceptable way to go forward in a relationship.

You're right, you should be in your happy bubble, and if you're not, then he should be doing everything in his power to get you there. In your OP you said you're paranoid about what sort of woman he wants. What kind of man do you want? Are his wants more valid than yours?

@Eckhart I've asked myself this a few times and I think I sacrifice too much of myself to ensure his happiness

@AJPTaylor I went through a lot in my last relationship and I don't know if it's pride but I can't confide in anyone about this

The 'dog' and 'could break you' comments are verbal/emotional abuse and not ok.
This is not normal, it's abuse. Please end it with him xxxxx

Am I stupid in thinking he only says these things in anger. He doesn't usually. He affects me badly with what he says and the after effects of it

I think you're right, and he does only say those things in anger. I've suffered with anger issues in the past and it might be horrible for him to feel he's losing his temper and being so hurtful.

But that's HIS issue. He needs to fix that so that he stops hurting people. It's not your job to put up with him because he's 'just angry'. Your job is to look after you and the little one.

If you stay with him when he's not actively and voraciously trying to fix his issue, then any further hurt you feel is your choice. You have the power to walk away. Realising this power may well also be the step that will banish your insecurities.

There's a million men out there who would be delighted to love you much better than this, and d'you know what? You don't need ANY of them.

@Eckhart so so true