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Original poster

Does anybody else feel grossed out about somebody they've been intimate with?

122 replies

Supertumbles · 04/11/2019 23:04

Short fling of a few months, I was having a fab time at first and found him very attractive but It soon became apparent he had a personality disorder. Having a personality disorder alone didn't put me off at all as it was beyond his control, but his conduct sealed the deal unfortunately because he was unbearable to be with in the end, and nasty.

I now reflect on the "relationship" and cringe, I can't believe i was ever attracted to him let alone slept with him and felt all giddy.

I'm wondering how my judgement was so clouded I was able to find him so attractive, when just a short while later the thought/look of him makes my skin crawl.

I can't even blame it on alcohol as I was never drunk. I'm baffled as to what I was thinking.

Does anybody else feel this way about an ex / old flame?

I probably sound horrible, I'm generally not. He is the only man I've ever felt this way towards, probably because of his conduct really.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 05/11/2019 12:31

@ShagMeRiggins Some sort of witch- like a Wiccan but far more icky.

@hellsbellsmelons

'Oh yeah!
The 'ICK FACTOR''

There's a reality TV show in this. :)

ScreamingLadySutch · 05/11/2019 12:34

Personality disordered people are very magnetic at the beginning.

Then the mask drops and you 'see' them.

So you have been sent a very important lesson - for free!

SummerBreezeAutumnLeaves · 05/11/2019 12:35

YES! Blush

SummerPavillion · 05/11/2019 12:40

Is there any way to bring on the Ick? To stop thinking about someone who isn't remotely suitable for a relationship?

Asking for a friend Grin

beela · 05/11/2019 12:41

Urgh, yes. Only one of them though. I can't even write about it. He still pops into my dreams sometimes and I get the ick all over again Angry

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 05/11/2019 12:42

I love that this has a name!

I managed to find attractive and date for a few months a guy who didn't seem to feel the need to flush the loo after a wee. First time I went to his house to dtd I came across that and still slept with him. Ive only just split up with him and cannot get that lingering pee sight and smell out of my mind. What the fuck was I thinking??

Dustybun · 05/11/2019 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Supertumbles · 05/11/2019 13:10

I remember he was pumping up the air bed and using his small foot to work the pump and I felt sick and knew it was over! Went home and never saw him again

I'm cackling here, child is giving me a funny look Grin

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 05/11/2019 13:41

I slept with someone. It was only meant to be a " meet " hook up whatever you want to call it but he spoke of making it a regular thing. We spoke for quite a while beforehand. He kept telling me how he was working out and going to get ripped and have a 6 pack. He was a larger size but that doesn't bother me. We met up and he was very attractive. Went back to the hotel and did the deed but he sweat so much. Running down his back and front. All over me. It didn't bother me so much at the time but when we went our separate ways after and he stopped talking to me completely I felt revolted by it all.

SkinnyEx · 05/11/2019 13:47

Was in a LTR. His friend became single, and he was having an EA with her, I think. Confronted him and he beat me up.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 05/11/2019 13:51

Just one.

I was so lacking in self esteem and confidence at the time and it was an OLD. He seemed interested. We dated for a bit and then were together for about six months. But whenever I think of the fact we had sex I actually shudder with revulsion. He wasn't a bad person as such, just a fucking dreadful bore with absolutely zero motivation and intellect. He was obsessed with sport but woefully shite at it but felt he was pretty good so insisted he did this hobby endlessly. I used to go to his cricket matches because I fancied the others Grin

Honestly, I had a lot of misjudged flings and relationships in my 20s but this one is just so beyond me I can't fathom it Grin

thecatsarecrazy · 05/11/2019 13:51

He spent the entire time talking about himself too. At one point he pulled his trousers down and was admiring his arse and said how he was getting muscles in his legs. Recently looked at his twitter page in disbelief and thought wtf was I thinking

HellonHeels · 05/11/2019 13:53

Been there Envy Envy Envy

Quite a few times, I'm clearly not one for learning from bitter experience. Now-boyfriend is nice though.

Doormat247 · 05/11/2019 14:06

Defo happened to me - I feel ill looking at photos etc of my ex.
He was mean/tight, unattractive, he kept his house in a state of filth (I have a fear of dirt so this was a real issue for me).

I think my self esteem was so low after my divorce that I went out with whoever showed me enough interest and seemed like a nice person.
I saw all the red flags but told myself I was just being picky.
He was the one that dumped me!! And we got back together twice - the last time he dumped me I saw sense but he pestered me for over a year to get back with him Confused

BettyCrockaShit · 05/11/2019 18:31

@Supertumbles eurgh, the very same! Not even sure where he got the shimmery taffeta-effect shirt... frankly, some things are better not to know!

gebruikersnaam · 05/11/2019 19:15

Is there any way to bring on the Ick? To stop thinking about someone who isn't remotely suitable for a relationship?

What 'my friend' did with a previous – highly unsuitable –crush was to start nitpicking and dwelling on all the minute things she didn't necessarily like about them. It was miraculous! Wasn't even two months before the rose-tinted glasses came off practically overnight and I realised that I hated their viewpoints and mannerisms, and that what I thought was confidence was actually insecurity masked as some warped sense of superiority. Major ick!

Thripp · 05/11/2019 19:17

XH. I have no idea how I had children with him. Fortunately I didn't have any problems becoming pregnant.

AnyFucker · 05/11/2019 19:22

God yes, hasn't everyone ?

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 05/11/2019 19:26

Oh theres been afew I just cringe when I think back. Main was is ds df I was only young and taken in and fell pregnant quickly in the relationship.

Original poster
Supertumbles · 05/11/2019 19:45

So surprised it's as common as it is! It's the first time I've ever felt so utterly repulsed by somebody on the basis of having had sex with them.

I've had a fair few "lovers" too in my late teens so I'm surprised it hasn't happened before given that it's a common thing.

I think my subconscious detected the fact this one a big league creep and instructed my gut to react accordingly.

Yuck.

I've enjoyed reading these replies, they make me feel a little better Grin

OP posts:
Hamandcheesebaguette · 05/11/2019 19:59

Oh god yes.

Once this guy I'd been one 2 dates with, went to his to watch a movie and he wouldn't stop trying to snog me even though I was like... Errrr maybe later, I'm watching this.

By the third time THE ICK immediately set in and I wanted to claw the skin off my arm that he kept stroking. The fact that I ever had sex with him genuinely makes me feel disgusted. ICK.

The other one, I quite liked him and then he farted in my kitchen whilst I was washing the dishes and again, instant ICK.

Went from being really attracted to him to thinking why is this abnormally tall gremlin standing in my kitchen in his tatty boxers and stupid hair.

Hamandcheesebaguette · 05/11/2019 20:00

Oh and my ex, we had been together for 4 years but it was clearly heading towards it'd last legs.

We were out one night in a club and he bent down and I saw he had his Calvin Kleins on, which he only wore when he wanted sex.

Instantly got the ick, realised I never ever ever wanted to have sex with him ever again and broke up with him a week later.

Hamandcheesebaguette · 05/11/2019 20:02

Oh I remembered another one... Apparently I got the ick a lot back when I was younger.

Another one I quite liked, he was really sweet and kind etc etc then he pulled out his wallet to pay for something and he had a velcro wallet. BOOM. INSTANT ICK.

marciagetscreamed · 05/11/2019 20:03

If I had £1 for every guy I wish I'd nev-Blush

Pollaidh · 05/11/2019 20:03

I can only think of one ex who has 'The Ick', even slightly, and he was someone I'd been friends with but always knew it would be a bad idea to date, until I was on the rebound and drunk... He was an arse.

All the other exes ended up as friends, and some of them I still find very attractive, some I can see are objectively attractive but I just don't want to be in a romantic relationship with them. A couple I'd say look fine, I wouldn't salivate over them but wouldn't vomit either. None have 'The Ick'. Maybe this suggests that it's going off someone's personality that's the problem.

As Roald Dahl said:
"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."