Am i going crazy?

[Sstorm]

Im convinced DH is cheating. Or at the very least- messaging someone else.
We've been married 8 years now, 2dc. I hope I'm not 'drip feeding' but my minds all a boggle.

He's on his phone a LOT. When i walk past him he quickly cancels whatever is on his screen and 'casually' pretends to be looking at something else. But with a sly grin on his face the whole time.
He's constantly online on WhatsApp.. Even through the night. I'll look when i wake up and his 'last seen' is ridiculous hours (03:58am etc)
Lots and lots of little things that ordinarily wouldnt red flag but I'm going out of my mind here.
Passwords (pin/ fingerprints etc) on his phone and laptop which have never been there before and he continually makes excuses not to tell me.
Profile picture changes etc
He's so hot and cold with me i feel like im living on egg shells, one moment his sex drive is through the roof and he's doing new things with me- and the next hes snapping at me telling me to leave him alone.
Im so confused.

Ive asked/ confronted him about it and he'll always without a doubt turn it around on me saying I'm a psycho, I'm a stalker, its all in my head.

My gut instinct will not let this go.
Am i going crazy or am i right to be suspicious?? How can i possibly find out for Sure?

Help 😔

Trust your instinct.

Sorry, I don't know how you'll get 'proof', but if you're not happy, you don't need a reason to stay or leave.

You can just leave.

I don't want to leave. I absolutely love him more than anything

Is he not in bed with you at night?

Definitely horrible and suspicious behaviour.

He is in bed with me. It's while I'm asleep next to him

You know. He knows. You need to decide what you're going to do. His reaction says it all. He isn't prepared to stop and be honest with you so it does seem like the relationship is over to me. All those things would indicate to me an affair and his reaction which is to gaslight you is another indicator you're right.

Seems like two options: stay or go. If you stay, he'll take the last bits of your sanity and confidence.

I don't like saying this but I think the only way you are going to get evidence is to somehow get access to his phone to see exactly what he is up to. Whether he gives you access willingly or not is a different matter and his reaction to you checking his phone may well tell you what you need to know. Unfortunately it does sound fairly cut and dried.

Yes, been there. Trust your instinct, sorry OP, but I'd bet my house on it that he's having a least an emotional affair.

Regardless of what he is texting, he is horrible to you.

Why stay with that?

Tell him if he has nothing to hide he will let you see his phone....immediately before he has time to delete. It will likely cause a row but things aren't good anyway.

As for sometimes being very much up for sex, I don't think men need to be emotionally attached for sex.

You're all saying what i already deep down know. Thank you all.
I did ask for his phone and he said if i don't trust him then we don't have a marriage. Im so scared of him leaving that i dropped the subject. He didn't speak to me for 2 days. I feel constantly sick and im a permanent State of heartbreak. I desperately want things to go back to how they were

Things won't go back, they won't go right.

Gather yourself now. Those ducks in a row, see a solicitor, say nothing further to the h. Let him think he's got you under control, until you're ready.

Who does he claim he’s texting in the middle of the night?

Yes, 100% cheating. He would let you look through your phone if he wasn't but got defensive instead. You know what you've got to do.

Do you love him more than you love yourself OP? Is being with him more important than your self esteem and dignity? It shouldn't be.

People often have an increased sex drive when they start an affair, all that flirting and sexting and fancying (of someone else) gets them worked up I assume . It doesn't sound good OP, I'm sorry. Trust what your gut is saying.

If there is no marriage without trust then the marriage is already over as per his rules. He could have handed the phone over and made you feel better (if he was innocent) but wouldn't. There's a reason for that and he sounds like a manipulative dick OP. He seems to have a lot of power over you that he is happy to use to his advantage.

I would find my strength, bring it up again and remind him that if he has been texting another woman, the marriage is over and that is on him not me, if he won't hand his phone over then and there without sneaking off to delete things I'd take that as his answer. Ask him to explain who he is messaging in the early hours when you have literally seen him do so.

You can't go back OP, but you can go forward. You are hurting but you surely wouldn't want to be with someone who treats you like this?

There is no marriage without trust but at the same time he has to show that he is worthy of your trust. His current behaviour is giving you extremely valid reasons to doubt him. Personally from what you have said he has been doing, I wouldn't trust him further than I could throw him. If he won't hand his phone over then I think you need to think about getting out. Sorry OP

Thank you all, i feel slightly less crazy right now, but at a total crossroads. I just need to know who it is as i have a horrible feeling i already do.

Does it really matter who it is? Would it make the fact he's fucking someone else any better if you did know who it was?

Seriously love, you're worth more than he's giving you. Do you have children together?

Update: I've seen the messages now. I know exactly who it is I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do

is it someone you know OP ?

I'm so sorry OP. At least you know you can trust your instincts now.

Oh op I'm so sorry, no words of advice but be kind to yourself.

So sorry to see your update op is it someone u know? Do you think it’s a physical affair ?

@Sstorm, here is a big hug for you. I have been through something similar, so I think i can guess how you feel.

You need support, your family if possible or a good friend who will be there for you.
You need legal advice.

It could be an affair or an emotional affair but he has probably checked out of your relationship.

MN can be a strong shoulder to cry on. I found the break up thread helpful when I was in bits and wanted to pour out my feelings.

A huge hug for you.

What a prick! And the cheeky bastard said to you that if you don't trust him your don't have a marriage, and he was lying, pack his bags.
for you