Those of you whose husbands have used prostitutes ...

[ScreamingLadySutch]

How active is/was your sex life before you found out? Be absolutely honest.

1 x week?
1 x month?

I am asking because today: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/stuck-sexless-marriage-should-put-should-cheat/?li_source=LI&li_medium=li-recommendation-widget

It has generated a huge number of comments [wow] so has clearly struck a nerve.

Men who feel their wives do not give them enough sex.
Their solution is prostitutes. Poster after poster, suggesting escorts.

I'm a bit depressed now. I will c&p some of the comments to show what I mean.

I personally believe a lot of these instances stem from madonna-whore complex and some individuals endless desire for novelty rather than lack of sex.

I'm sorry but I don't buy this blue balls and spreading their seed bullshit; it boils down to piss poor impulse control.

There are a wide variety of male masturbation aides avaliable online, and let's face it it's not about these commenters wanting to connect with their wives, it's about entitlement.

I'm not surprised these women withdraw sexually, the whole attitude is repulsive and a complete and utter turn off.

Yep, my ex was a porn addict. He showed barely any interest in me - I was always the one initiating and that felt humiliating and a turn-off. So I reciprocated by not being interested in him. He then wasted the family’s savings on more porn, viewed it in front of the children and promptly got his butt kicked out. No doubt that’s all my fault - not that of the sleazy porn industry and of course my dickhead ex. Don’t forget “sex work” - whoring - takes money from the mouths of kids.

The view of men on this thread is very much focused on the bottom of the barrel though.

UK studies generally show around 10% of the male population uses or has ever used (even if only once) a prostitute. 3-4% are regular users. Which means 90% of men don’t. Interestingly there’s a strong correlation between the men who are violent with prostitutes and domestic violence.

The prostitute-using scurf can’t be held to be representative of all men.

So @ScreamingLadySutch you talk about how men will inevitably cheat on their wives if they don't have sex whenever they want it. But then you reveal that you lubed up for sex you didn't want all the time and never said no, and still got cheated on. are you really such an expert?

Treesthemovie please don't tell me what I said. Just listen rather, to what I am trying to say.

Trying to tease out 3 issues here:

1. the genuine resentment of men that they don't get enough sex (hint: you can go and read the comments for yourself, if you like, rather than making assumptions that I am saying this or that)

1. that regular access to sex IS part of the marriage contract. You can argue all you like, but in the quid pro quo that is reality, it is faithfulness and monogamy in exchange for access to sex. That has been put a bit sociology 101, but that is why marriage evolved as an institution. And man after man stated this resentment, that they are trapped in fidelity but not getting any. Promise you I am not making this up.

1. Whether the distance from the wife (stated again and again) is just an excuse and they do it because they want to have some strange (my experience).

Absolutely no need to bash me or my life experience @Treesthemovie, when I am NOT setting myself up as a guru.

I was actually saying the opposite: that he did not cheat because he was deprived (the reason they all give).

@catspyjamas123 'viewed it in front of the children'

WTAF? He sounds unhinged/an antisocial personality or something.

ScreamingLady- it seems like you're trying to argue it both ways (slightly.) On the one hand, marriage entitles men to sex, and if they don't have it they may well go elsewhere. On the other hand, you feel that wasn't the case for you. Are you berating other women who don't 'put out?' Why not berate the men, who from your own example don't need that reason to cheat with prostitutes?

'that regular access to sex IS part of the marriage contract...faithfulness and monogamy in exchange for access to sex.'

I think this is an outdated view of sex in marriage. As I said before, marital rape is a crime now, and the idea that someone must have sex they don't want to please their partner is being seen for what it is- coercion and wrong.

@screamingladysutch please don't tell me what I said - you are presenting yourself as a bit of a guru tbh. All I'm pointing out is that your method of never saying no didn't exactly work out for you in your grand scheme of keeping the man happy, did it?

Tbh, I don't give a fuck about the church of England, the marriage contract, or the idea that I should never say no to sex, and I have never been cheated on. I have also had sex with lots of different men outside of a relationship and never in a marriage Not saying that i will never be cheated on, it's something you can't predict (though not choosing an arsehole of a partner helps) but if it does it won't be on me.

Did your husband cheat on you with prostitutes? The biggest tip off that he would do this is the fact that he was ok with sticking it in you when you clearly weren't interested. Maybe he even got off on it. And now, despite it not working for you as you lost this wonderful prize of a man, you go on to recommend misogynist rubbish to other women. Ohh, just let him do whatever he wants to you in the hope he might stay with you and not shag prostitutes!! How about having some self worth...a woman living her life on her terms and having sex she enjoys is worth double any marriage.

I think that particular article is encouraging that particular type of comment though to be honest. The poster says he doesn’t want to leave his wife, she has health issues, etc etc- people are saying prostitution is an obvious answer to the lack of sex. I don’t agree with that but that’s what 2+2=4 type answer to many people. There will be LOTS of people who are in similar situations who wouldn’t dream of straying or using prostitution. Hundreds of people accept that sex isn’t the be all and end all and just recognise that sometimes for whatever reason they might have a good marriage but not sex (disability, disabled children, mental health issues, working too much, general old age issues etc).

Of course prostitutes would say men go to them because their wives don’t “give” them enough sex but equally they are lots of men - the vast majority of men I would say- who don’t get as much sex as they’d like and just do a degree in wanking instead.

The men who I’ve known who have used prostitutes have just been women hating wankers over and above anything to do with how much sex get. A particular charmer who was my now ex Dhs best friend slept with a prostitute on his stag do the day before he got married. He and his wife were having PLENTY of sex. They divorced some years later because he was a shit dad and shit husband, so selfish.

That would be illegal. You don’t need proof to file for divorce.

"Tbh, I don't give a fuck about the church of England, the marriage contract, - what you think or feel is irrelevant.

When you are given some evidence, in this case the anthropological or sociological reasons why human society developed an institution/the reasons behind that development? That you have feelings about it is neither here nor there.

"or the idea that I should never say no to sex," is called "So what you are saying is".

That is a blatant misinterpretation of what I WAS saying, in order to win your point.

You might not like the point I am making, but it (the issue) exists, nevertheless. I will say it one more time, slowly:

Men (as shown by the comments [however hostile and misogynistically they are put]) feel resentment at being trapped in marriage [required monogamy] whilst being denied sex.

Sneer and be condescending all you like. It will NOT make that issue go away, @Treesthemovie.

What I am TRYING to tease out, is:

1. Is this true?

1. If they did have access to the sex they claim they are denied, that they would not use prostitutes? This claim [we wouldn't if we got some/we only use sex workers because it is the wife's fault] is embedded in comment after comment.

I don't believe them and was wondering what other people thought.

Women feel hostile and resentful within a marriage if they end up doing the donkey work of raising children with no input from their partner. They tend not to go and use prostitutes though, strange that. One of the reasons for marriage previously was that the husband would provide financially for the family, we have managed to move a little way beyond that concept so it's not out of the question that we have moved beyond the idea of women providing sex on tap.
To be honest I am not really interested in why men use prostitutes, men who hit women will also always have a reason, those reasons are of no interest to me.

1. Most men do not want to be monogamous, in my experience. Not because they are being denied sex, but because they want more/different, and do not see why they shouldn't have this. It's historical.

1. Not true. I have read/heard plenty of comments from sex workers over the years in which they say married men make up a great proportion of clients. Not all of these are going to be men who are flat out denied sex. And most go for straight sex, not really kinky stuff, so it's not that they are being denied stuff the wife won't do.

And as birds said, it's mostly women who get the shitty end of the stick in marriage, don't see such a great use of male sex workers by us, do you?

I just don't trust a man to stay faithful now. They have an excuse if not married, and an excuse if married. Lame.

Tbh @ScreamingLadySutch you are now banging on about anthropology which is muddying your already unclear point. One minute you are suggesting that men do have affairs because they're not "getting enough sex from the wife" then you suggest they don't.

You described the church's description of marriage as 'beautiful" so you are the one who brought feelings into this one. Personally, I disagee that there is anything beautiful about it. You're the one taking a consdecending attitude here - you're asking me to listen - I understand your point perfectly well, I just don't agree.

My thoughts are that men who use and abuse women through paying to shag them...they are going to use the old I don't get enough at home excuse. Most of them will be lying. This really isn't the complex issue you're making it out to be.

Some men are in relationships where they aren't having sex with their wives and leave or live with it or open the relationship, or whatever. Some women are having less sex than they want but you don't see them rushing to pay for a shag. There is nothing that forces these men to use prostitutes, they're just entitled dickheads.

Understandably, you are upset that your marriage broke down and you were cheated on, despite capitulating to your husband's every sexual whim...maybe take a think to yourself about it all moving forward.

Trees, I don't do stupid very well, so I get condescending when in the presence of stupid. I am going to ignore all your virtue signalling and projection. Your feelings put forward as argument, are IRRELEVENT.

You are resisting a fact (the reasons behind the institution of marriage) - because you don't like them. Your feelings are irrelevant. NO amount of your woke feelings about the CoE or whatever, takes facts away.

For your enlightenment: Marriage
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally recognised union between people, called spouses, that establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies around the world, not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion. Over time, it has expanded and also constricted who and what is encompassed. Typically, it is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned . In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal. ...

Individuals may marry for several reasons, including legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious purposes." (Wikipedia).

What I told you. Why argue what you don't seem to understand?

The fact, whether you like it nor not, is the men (in the comments you didn't bother to read) feel resentful BECAUSE they say the obligations in marriage are not being fulfilled.

You cannot debate if you don't accept the premises. If you don't want to accept that men feel resentful, you aren't able to engage with a discussion of WHY they do what they do, why are you trying to participate?

"Understandably, you are upset... " Oh, jog on. Your projections are irrelevant.

She made me do it. As old as the hills. It is not women's job to understand why men use prostitutes.

@ScreamingLadySutch oh dear. I'm afraid I am not the one projecting or being stupid here. Not to be rude, but I have a good degree in philosophy from a well respected uni so I know how to put together and deconstruct an argument.

I understand perfectly well the definition of marriage, as I'm sure we all do here. That is totally irrelevant to the discussion unless you are pro church and pro marriage as a contract, which I'm not really. Also, marriage above all is a financial contract.

Your argument, to use your word, is stupid. You can argue that the premise that men pay to use women because they don't "get enough sex from their wives" is true, or you can argue that it is not true. You are trying to argue both that is is true and that it is not true. In fact, you don't seem to understand the definition of a premise in an argument.

Oh, and I achieved my degree with honours despite being working class and surrounded by know-it-all, middle class, private school Christians

@ScreamingLadySuch
This seems to be hugely upsetting to you. On one hand you say men understandably turn to sex workers when their wives "deprive" them. But you also say you were subjected to a vile husband who used prostitutes despite your CoE condoned availability. What's the solution?
Also--"blue balls" is something best left behind in high school and/or on Reddit.

What the hell does whatever newspaper u read have to do with this subject? I know class is an obsession in the UK and dictates who u vote for but this is ridiculous.

I am sorry but @ScreamingLadySutch is definitely a man, which is fine, really. My five cents is this, cheating is cheating no matter what the reason. If you are not happy with your marriage you should exit it. Only after you are no longer married is it ok to have any kind of relationship, sexual of otherwise with another person unless, of course, you have an open marriage of sorts.

I don’t usually comment on these crazy, belligerent threads but this one takes the biscuit. Are you genuinely buying the crap that men need to have sex every couple of days? Or what? They explode in a explosion of their own spunk? They’ve got hands haven’t they? Honestly, Screaming’lady’Sutch I can’t believe you’ve fallen for this shite… or perhaps you are the man who seeks prostitutes?