Is this abuse or just a bad temper?

[shas19]

I've just been screamed at by him and told hes leaving and we're done, currently hes sat upstairs.
Hes punched the conservatory doors and broken my child's chair by kicking it across the room. This is all in front of my two kids. It's not the first time hes broken stuff or shouted infront of them. All started because I told him to calm down for shouting at his mum. It was only last night we was discussing our wedding and how much he loves me and our family. I'm physically shaking. Is this just a bad temper or am I that woman that's in an abusive relationship and didn't even know it:(

@midsomermurderess same and thats also why I minimised so long. It took a very awful incident for me to begin to feel really bothered about it and a trained person telling me it was abuse for me to understand.

It is definitely abuse, but it doesn't really matter what label you put on it. What matters is that you and your kids deserve better than this and he can't change--if he were able to, he would have done so already, he wouldn't be able to stand treating you this way!

Well, the experts (Women's Aid) say it's abuse, from their website on recognising domestic abuse: making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting you down; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls; .

He asked me why I felt the need to argue with him on the phone, I never I literally told him what he asked and then he hang up and text me that I'm fucking him. Even the way he spoke to me when he asked was like he was talking to a naughty child trying to make me feel ' ' that big. Other than that in getting silent treatment. Hes now started undermining me with my sons punishment so it's all loads of fun in this house right now ffs

Fucking him off sorry😂

never I literally told him what he asked and then he hang up

Add gaslighting to list of abusive behaviour. Your confusion is natural as abuse isn't rational. It isn't caused by stress or some situation that could be changed.
It is caused by his thinking. He feels entitled to treat you like this as it is about his power over you.

Ex H would do the Disney dad routine to isolate me from the DC. When I saw that my DC were being influenced I knew I had to leave.

What is your housing? Do you rent or own, are you working?

Btw, take pictures of items he has broken, they maybe useful of want him to leave the house.

@techway this is the worst bit. We're at his mums, saving to get our place but as it stands I'm thinking I'll be getting MY own place. So shitty. Hes now feeling sorry for himself saying he doesn't feel well.

At least you don't have a mortgage with him then! Its harder once you have invested time and money into a home. You can get your own peaceful place with no mind games and drama!

Wow, so he behaves like this in his mum's house? (I saw that he had been shouting at his mum, but I didn't realise the situation.) Does she witness his violent outbursts? How does he explain the breakages if not?

Are you all living in the shadow of his moods, including his mum?

Ugh my ex used to do this too after he’d been horrible, he used to play the ‘illness’ card. He’d always have a sick day when he’d been at his worst so I couldnt Argue with him about it.

I get on really well with his mum thank God but she just thinks its the way he is. She stands up for herself same way I do but just gets more abuse thrown at her so its pointless