Would you mind if your husband did this?

[ChiChi999]

We visited a nearby city, about 2 hours away on the train. We had lunch and went round the shops, and all of a sudden he started to get bored and annoyed less than 2 hours after we had arrived. He stormed off and called me 10 minutes later to say he was at the station, and he would come back if I agreed I was only allowed to go in 3 shops. I said we could go in different shops and then meet up later, he said he didn't want to do that because he needed me to help him in his shops.

He then got on the train and went home by himself. I told a friend and she is appalled that he left me to get the train home alone. Is she right? I always get train by myself so I don't see that part as a huge issue, just wondered about people's thoughts.

Why do people “shop” as a leisure activity? How dull. Wasn’t there anything else to do?

Why does anyone do anything as a leisure activity? Usually because they enjoy it. I adore a look around some shops, which doesn’t make me dull. I also enjoy National Trust visits, the theatre, cinema and reading. To me, none of those are dull. On the other hand, I don’t enjoy watching sport, taking part in battle re-enactments, or canoeing, though I don’t judge those who do.

It sounds totally arseholish. However had you as a couple communicated what was going to happen on the day?

Was it all going to be shopping, for what, would this involve loads of browsing do either of you already know he hates this in which case he should have said so--

Going to another city and just shopping would kill me and DH and I refuse to go clothes shopping with him after the hideous experience where he tried on every pair of boots in the whole of one city and still didn't like any. I will only turn up once he has narrowed it down to a shortlist now.

The key would be for both of you to communicate beforehand rather than him leave it too late and then blow up.

I don't believe a normal, nice, friendly, equal partner would behave like this. What's he like the rest of the time?

Shopping is most effective and enjoyable when practiced alone.
Shopping as a leisure and social might be carried out with one female friend. Any more would be too many.
Shopping with a husband/partner is for supermarkets only. Not that they behave any better there, but they need to share the pain.
Shopping for pleasure with a man is only for when you're newly in love.
But your dh, OP, he's just a cunt.

He acted like a dick
Was this a one-off or does he often do it?

I told a friend and she is appalled that he left me to get the train home alone. if that was what your friend had the issue with rather than the way he behaved then she's a bigger idiot than your husband. He behaved appallingly and like a child but by that point I'd have been telling him to fuck off home and I'd do the rest of my day alone.

I'd be livid if my dh did this. He doesn't enjoy shopping but would never limit the amount of shops I went in to. He's not a man child.

What happened during those two hours? Were you just browsing around shops of your choice and not really achieving anything? Did he protest at all before he stormed off?

It seems unlikely that someone would go from zero to storming off without any warning.
Of course him storming off and getting the train home alone was petulant at best. But I don't feel like we've had the whole story here.

Has he done anything like that before? He sounds like an arse.

Getting the train home on my own wouldn't bother me at all. Shopping on my own doesn't bother me at all either - in fact, I much prefer it.

What really would have bothered me massively in this instance would have been the attempt to control and dictate what I was "allowed" to do.

I would definitely have told him to bugger off.

What help could your DH possibly have needed to do his shopping? Are you married to a tantrumming toddler? It sounds like it. Again, tell him to bugger off.

On the odd occasion when DH and I do go into a town together we split up and shop separately, meeting up at an arranged time later on back at the car to go home. We'd drive each other round the bend otherwise.

Why are you married to a teen?

He has obviously over reacted to feeling that the shopping wasn't about his needs.

I'd be angry too but also concerned that there's something else going on with him if that behaviour is out of character. It sounds as if he has been bottling something up. Could be small, could be big. Ask him to tell you what's really going on.

So what is his side of the story?

Honestly, any more than two hours shopping and I would be bored too. If I could see my dh had had enough we would leave together, change the plan. Why would you force someone to do something they clearly didn't want to do? He told you he wanted to leave. You could have gone with him. It's only shopping

Maybe OP is entitled to expect better of him because he isn’t a toddler? Although it seems he acts like a whiny two year old, wanting his own way and throwing a tantrum in order to get it.

Well going shopping with anyone is my idea of hell. I would find it unbelievable boring and I would hate anyone coming shopping with me. Your DH however, could have handled the situation better.

So he was happy to have a meal with you, but you cnly go into 3 shops that he wants to go in and help him do his shopping, and then you have to go home.

What about your shops and shopping choices?

Stroppy, selfish arsehole you have there. Lucky you.

While getting the train alone isn't an issue at all. His little outburst was very odd and childish.

What a dick!!!

Can’t believe how many posters are trying to excuse this shitty behaviour !!

If he had had enough of shopping he could have acted like a normal person and said I'm gonna go and do xyz while you finish shopping, give me a call when you are done. Not strop off and go home.

A two hour train journey for me would be like going to London for the day, i would be absolutely furious if my husband suddenly went home!

This is the sort of thing my Xh used to do. Does your husband often throw toddler tantrums? If he does, you might want to consider the long term future of your relationship.

What was the plan in the city? My husband absolutely hates shopping. Cant stand it, and in that respect he can be quite selfish (eg he would be happy for me to help him buy something but woukd have a limit of going into only one shop with me). If you'd agreed to do touristy things but all you actually wanted was someone to sit in the changing rooms while you tried stuff on then I dont blame him for being annoyed. BUT there is no excusing his behaviour, he should have discussed it with you. If that situation had happened with us, my husband would have gone a walk or gone and sat in a cafe or pub for a drink while I finished up. Making a decision about a joint day out, to go home by himself, is just odd

I'd mainly be wondering why I'd hitched my wagon to an embarrassing dictatorial little man child tbh OP. I'm not sure why women tolerate, pander to or excuse this stuff.

His outburst was ridiculous, rude, overdramatic and he sounds like a manipulative idiot, who's own needs trump yours so badly that he's happy to ruin a day out and take it out on you. Who does he think he is that he's going to flounder off with no reasonable behaviour, tell you he's limiting you to three shops or you don't get his company . I don't know why you'd want it in the first place if that's his level of maturity and respect. It's not your responsibility to entertain him on mutual day's out, you aren't his bloody mother. Perhaps that's the problem.

Not necessarily making excuses but a 2 hour trip to a city, just to go round the shops does sound like one of those situations which is an argument waiting to happen.

Similar to going to Ikea on a Saturday.

After you have done it a couple of times and nearly murdered each other, you either get divorced or realise you have to do it differently next time.

What an absolute idiot he is, such bratty behaviour from an adult is pathetic and ridiculous. However, not sure why you getting the train on your own is an issue.

Did he think you had agreed to go shopping or was he expected a different activity instead? My OH hates shopping and would not agree to such a trip. If he did agree to spending many hours shopping then he has behaved badly.