Would you mind if your husband did this?

[ChiChi999]

We visited a nearby city, about 2 hours away on the train. We had lunch and went round the shops, and all of a sudden he started to get bored and annoyed less than 2 hours after we had arrived. He stormed off and called me 10 minutes later to say he was at the station, and he would come back if I agreed I was only allowed to go in 3 shops. I said we could go in different shops and then meet up later, he said he didn't want to do that because he needed me to help him in his shops.

He then got on the train and went home by himself. I told a friend and she is appalled that he left me to get the train home alone. Is she right? I always get train by myself so I don't see that part as a huge issue, just wondered about people's thoughts.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

"allowed" in only three shops! What else are you "allowed" to do OP

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Why do women put up with this shit?

[orangeteal]

Well he sounds really childish and his behaviour was ridiculous. But why did you go shopping if he doesn't like it? DH doesn't like shopping so I wouldn't drag him around the shops after lunch unless we were doing something specific like Christmas shopping.

[Billben]

he would come back if I agreed I was only allowed to go in 3 shops

At this point he would have been told to bugger off😀

said he didn't want to do that because he needed me to help him in his shops.

What is he, 5?

If you make the effort to travel somewhere that takes 4 hours there and back, then you want to make the best of it. And that means staying for as long as possible and not just going home after a couple of hours. He is very immature throwing a wobbly like this which I always find very unattractive in a person. Your friend is right. I would be embarrassed telling this story to anybody to be honest.

[GabsAlot]

My dh has walked off but not actually gone home-they hate shopping unless its for them and even ethen they just pick it up and walk off

[Princessfaffalot]

My dh would never do that. If we were out shopping and he’d had enough he’d suggest he goes and has a coffee/look around a shop he’s interested in and to call him when I’m done. No nastiness, no storming off. Yours is an absolute arsehole.

[joystir59]

If either one of us behaved like this towards the other we would be really upset!
We can sometimes get fed up browsing the shops if one of us is tired, but we would never treat each other like this. We'd never go home separately.

[OhTheRoses]

To be fair my DH hates shopping and three shops for him is his limit. But I knew that from the get go and it's never been an issue. I buy his socks, pants, ties. He buys his suits, overcoats and shoes. Same shops always. He will come with me if he needs something casual.

He doesn't do Sainsbury or furniture shops either. If we go shopping for him and I want to look at anything he is perfectly happy to go for a coffee or to a bookshop.

[Techway]

What was the purpose of going to town?

If it was to buy his "thing" then can see why he is hacked off but storming off is immature. How did you both handle it when you were home.

Healthy relationships discuss and compromise..sometimes moods flare up but acknowledging and coming together should happen.

[RB68]

just childish as others have said - he is happy to go in his shops and use your time for his shopping but no quid pro quo

[WelcomeToShootingStars]

Getting the train alone wouldn't bother me.

But if my husband stormed off and then tried to negotiate his return by dictating what I was allowed to do, I'd be very bothered indeed.

[LannieDuck]

Why does he need your help in a shop?

[AtrociousCircumstance]

He’s a pathetic twat.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Your description of behaviour is not compatible with the term 'husband'. husbands are adults. This is the behaviour of a stroppy, self-absorbed, manipulative child / young teenager.

But, what was your agreed plan for the day? Did you really both want to spend time trailling round shops the other one was interested in? What had you decided the day was about, in advance?

From my pov, shopping together is fine if for household items of mutual interest, kids' toys, gifts. I don't know many couples who shop for their own clothes together though.

[magoria]

What a horrible person. He clearly was happy to do shopping just what he wanted not what you would like. Very controlling that he only wants to go in his 3 shops. You have to go with him and don't get to look in any yourself or any compromise that you look in yours while he does his stuff.

We go shopping, DP goes and looks in phone shops etc while I look in the boot shop opposite.

We met outside go to the next shop that interests us together or separate but near again and repeat.

[ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens]

Yes, I'd be really annoyed. I can understand him getting bored with a lengthy shopping trip, but the adult thing to do would have been to arrange to meet up with you later - as you suggested, or at least have a sensible conversation about going back earlier, rather than storming off.

[Storsteinen]

Pathetic manchild.
I hate shopping - it's really boring and especially when you're trailing around watching someone else browse through stuff. However, it seems that he expected you to trail around after HIM, looking at HIS stuff and helping HIM, but he wasn't prepared to trail around after you looking at your things.

Also he said this
he would come back if I agreed I was only allowed to go in 3 shops.
Only allowed - fuck that!!
Presumably you didn't agree and that's why he stropped off and got the train home. Good. At least you could then shop in peace for the rest of the afternoon.

He's an arsehole. He was being an arsehole long before he left you to get the train by yourself. I don't see getting the train by yourself as a major issue actually - the rest of it is though.
In an adult partnership you often have to do things you really don't want to do and you might be bored from time to time while waiting for your partner to do something but you have to get over yourself and accept that it's part of the give and take of a relationship.

Has he done other things like this? What else is going on with him? Things like this don't generally tend to blow up out of the blue.

[nogooddeedgoesunpunished]

This is why I go it alone. Too many years of man sulking. I've got one toddler , don't need another !

[shouldhavecalleditoatabix]

Hmmm I tend to think we haven't heard the full story. What did you agree to do that day before you went out? Why after two hours shopping was husband still waiting to go o. The shop he needed? Did he traipse round after you for two hours hoping you would eventually help him pick out whatever it is he needed? Was his 'tantrum' after asking you several times or completely out the blue? The. Behaviour itself sounds crap but the context matters. And even then he calls and tries to reason with you but you're still adamant you're carrying on shopping. In all honesty I would have got on the train too.

It doesn't sound like you're particularly bothered by this so I guess you have your own style but I would be wondering about the communication between you both

[EntropyRising]

That's pretty horrible, OP.

My husband can't deal with shopping but he'd 1. not insist I join him in shops of his choosing and 2. he'd happily camp out at a coffee shop and wait.

I think that's the more sociable way of being a shopping refusnik.

[EntropyRising]

How do you think he would explain the seemingly asymmetrical nature of this arrangement? Why does he think it's OK for you to have to go to shops he finds interesting, but not the other way around?

Is there a backstory?

[escapade1234]

DH and I would never shop for anything together, unless we happened to be passing a shop and needed something.

Why do people “shop” as a leisure activity? How dull. Wasn’t there anything else to do in the city you went to?

Anyway, yes, of course, he sounds pathetic.

[SimplySteveRedux]

Red flag, trying to emotionally control you. What else does he take control of? Does he put you down. There's more he's doing that you aren't recognising as symptomatic of a controlling twat.

[HelloYouTwo]

How bizarre. Why not travel there and have lunch together but shop separately? And then either travel back separately if one of you wanted lots of extra time to carry on shopping and there was nothing else of interest for the non-shopper to do.

You didn’t need his help shopping but he needed your help? So you were not allowed to look in shops for you, you had to spend your time doing his shopping with him. So when would you get time for your shopping? Does he always have strops if he doesn’t get his way? Does he always expect you to drop your plans for him? And does this mean that he didn’t actually go in his shops at all? So he travelled, tantrummed and went home empty handed? That would make him both petty and ridiculous.

Travelling on the train alone is neither here nor there btw.

[Deathraystare]

Every town centre should have a creche for childish men to play in whilst their partners do grown up stuff!