Evening all.
Still, I am so sorry, that all sounds like such a headfuck. I do understand about feeling too embarrassed and humiliated to share the full extent with people in RL. I feel humiliated by my H’s behaviour, and I don’t have the added twists and turns that you have. But do know that you have absolutely no need for shame whatsoever. This is all on your H. Totally and utterly 100%.
I am glad the counselling session went well.
Thank you SoTired. Yes, kick in the gut indeed. I’m still holding onto my Warrior Woman, but it doesn’t change anything – despite the fact he’s apologised and acknowledged my feelings, he still did and said those things. He still chose not to do anything to keep our marriage, and chose her instead.
Superb, everything you say about the regression is so, so true. It just has no basis in reality. I am glad yesterday was better for you. I think I read an article about Sally Phillips a little while ago. She is amazing.
I’m 53 this year, and can’t imagine I will ever want to date again. I’ve had 2 serious relationships, never really been fussed about casual dating and have no idea how I would ever go about giving anyone my trust again. I trusted H implicitly. And, like you, I still love him, and miss him.
Bigpooh, yes, it doesn’t seem to matter to H that his own family members think he’s a colossal idiot! He is in his own little world, and pretty much anything he says is just pure self-justification. I wonder how long that will last?
My counsellor said the same thing, about how we expect to heal too soon, and then get floored when we slump. Weird thought that we have such high expectations of ourselves, turn ourselves inside out wondering what we did wrong, how we could have done or said something different, when the arses who have caused all this seem to have no expectations of themselves at all, and seem to be singularly lacking in any kind of self-reflection. It hit me this morning, that although H may have acknowledged my feelings, he still gave out some of his bullshit justifications, and it’s interesting that they are all about me – where I went wrong, where it was my fault the marriage wasn’t working. Not one single tiny bit of blame for himself. Breathtaking.
Turmoil, yes that thought that nothing fits any more really describes it. All the other pieces are still there, but because of the missing bit, everything is out of kilter. I think that’s something I never really appreciated about a situation like this. At a push I could imagine the sadness, betrayal, anger etc, but would never have imagined just the wrongness that filters through absolutely everything.
Still sticking 2 fingers up, but they are a little wobblier today.
Vision, what a total and utter shit he is with the holiday and no money for presents. How can they live with what they have become? But no, no, no! You are not a fool. No normal, decent, rational person would ever countenance doing such a thing. You are not a fool for not having predicted that a seemingly normal, decent, rational man would be capable of such grotesque behaviour. None of us here are.
Feelings can change, sure. Sad, but it happens. It’s not morally wrong to fall out of love with someone. But it is monumentally morally wrong to do the things we talk about here. There is no justification. How could we possibly foresee that?
Hello Wooly – I am sorry you went through that, and thank you for the encouraging words (and hug!). It is good to hear positives from further down the track.
Oh Grumbelina, I am sorry. What an abusive twat. It is a physical pain I know – I would never have believed it if I hadn’t felt it. Big hugs to you and I hope you find the strength and comfort here that I have.
After my Wild Warrior Woman of the last couple of days, it’s probably inevitable that I’m having a slump. Picking over some of the things he said at the weekend, being incredulous all over again that he threw away something so good over what? Not being fawned over enough for a few weeks???
Imagining them laughing and talking together, having sex, being all cuddly when that should be my life, it was my life so recently and how can this be real? Feeling like someone’s got my insides in a deathgrip, but can’t seem to stop.
And the fact that he has effectively left the dc too. That is just unfathomable. He has so damaged his relationship with them. How he imagines it will be the same I do not know. Distance alone makes it really hard, and why should they make the effort with him, when he’s not done the same for them? They do not deserve such a shit for a father. Bad enough to treat me so poorly, but them? Jeez, I can’t comprehend it. And he was such a good dad. Really close, really hands on from the beginning.
As I said, totally become his dad, even down to the similarity in crappy partners. I am almost beginning to half believe he has been possessed…!
And the bastard hopium is back. I embarrass myself. What would I want with such a sad, pathetic loser who has humiliated me and treated the people I love best so abominably? Fuck.
Many, many hugs to all, and thank you for the incredible support.