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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he still using cocaine? What are the signs?

97 replies

soandso2019 · 30/10/2019 19:17

I met someone through OLD who told me he used to do cocaine socially. He still does pills and LSD occasionally. I hate drugs but I like him. I also respected him for being upfront about it. He's 37 and said he'll have to stop when he settles down and has kids. We've only been together about three months now but I've started to suspect he might still be using cocaine. Last night was the first time I ever noticed him sniffing but he's always blowing his nose. ALWAYS. But it's not because he has a cold. It's not that kind of nose blowing, as in it's just loud and dry and sore. Could he have damaged his nose before? He also went to the toilet twice for a really long time in a short space of time, which made me wonder.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/10/2019 19:22

Just what?

Bullshit to "he'll give up when he settles down".

He's 37 years old, ffs.

TheQueef · 30/10/2019 19:23

He's not for you.
Don't waste more time on him.

keepingbees · 30/10/2019 19:24

I'm not clued you on drug use at all but it does seem suspicious yes.
But the bigger question for me is; do you really want this as your life? Questioning and doubting every time he sniffs? You're not being unreasonable in doing that, I would too, but I couldn't live like that.

Humanswarm · 30/10/2019 19:24

They're obviously signs. You know that bu the fact you have to ask here. Be upfront..tell him what you're thinking. But trust me, if he is, he's no keeper.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/10/2019 19:25

All these men and you choose a drug user to have a relationship with, why?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

Pills and LSD are drugs so why are you with someone like him if you profess to hate drugs?. If he has been upfront about it as well this does not give him any more brownie points and you are showing him that you tacitly accept this from him.

What is in this relationship for you?. Are you a rescuer or saviour when it comes to relationships?. His primary relationship is with substances, it’s not with you.

Interestedwoman · 30/10/2019 19:27

Druggies are gross, whatever the drug. Even pills and LSD are the sign of a wanker IMO, especially at 37. Ditch him.

Sunsoottitsoot · 30/10/2019 19:28

Dont do it.

Oct18mummy · 30/10/2019 19:29

Signs I have seen before is gurning and being extremely shifty and arrogant.

If he has been upfront about other stuff call him out on it.

Morgan12 · 30/10/2019 19:31

Is he very talkative after the bathroom trips?

Is this just when the two of you are sitting at home that you suspect he is using cocaine? Because that's addiction not social use.

tough2019 · 30/10/2019 19:32

My ex partner has been a weed smoker for over 20 years. He too said he'd stop once I got pregnant and he had children. Fast forward to now - he never stoped smoking throughout my pregnancy and is still, and he's still smoking to this day... don't believe everything he says !

Startingoveragain1 · 30/10/2019 19:33

Almost 40 and still using , he is not just gonna be able to just stop to settle and start a family. Sorry... if he is blowing constantly , having toilet trips.... he is using... i wouldnt want to go the op... the dependency, health risks, emotional risks, financial risks...

MerryDeath · 30/10/2019 19:36

Proceed no further! This will not improve!! I really cannot stress this enough. Having children will. Not. Change. Him.

CloudyWithAChance2 · 30/10/2019 19:47

He has a ‘Colombian cold’ (runny nose etc.) and yes it’s a common effect of snorting Coke normally for a week after use.

Tucobenedicto · 30/10/2019 19:50

Watch his eating habits when you think he has taken it...you never want to eat a thing for the whole night after taking coke...you're appetite completely goes.

Fuckenstein · 30/10/2019 19:50

Ditch him now OP before you get too attached.

My very recent ex said he used it socially with his friends, that became monthly, became weekly, became weekend and during the week.
He denied it, he created rows to have an excuse to not talk to me. He lied about where he was and what he was doing. He became aggressive when called out on it.

My life was an absolute misery and I wish i had bailed at the first mention of it.

Signs are him becoming the life and sole, sniffing, intense and earnest conversations.

Candle1000 · 30/10/2019 19:51

Yes he will still be using, it’s a bit like when a man admits to an affair , they minimise . He has told you the bare minimum to make you think he’s not a massive druggie when in fact he is .

Anotherlongdrive · 30/10/2019 19:52

Really? You hate drugs....but happy to over look them because you like him?

bobstersmum · 30/10/2019 19:53

Is he restless? Overly talkative? Fidgety? Full of himself? Little appetite? Not able to chill out. All signs.

Sevo7 · 30/10/2019 19:54

Do you see him eating when he’s behaving like this? If not then yes definitely I’m afraid. Also if he’s still doing drugs now at 37 I very much doubt having kids and settling down will stop him.

Lunafortheloveogod · 30/10/2019 19:57

If you’ve got a suspicion as to where in the bathroom he’s sniffing from.. top of the loo usually unless there’s counters. Give it a light spray of wd40 enough to polish it basically. It’ll clump up n dissolve.. he’ll not be happy either but you’ll know (logically as the toilet will be cleaned of the oil). That’s the local pubs trick atleast.

ScreamingLadySutch · 30/10/2019 20:01

Licking and gurning

Newmumma83 · 30/10/2019 20:03

The going to the loo twice part suggests cocaine not sure lsd or pills are any better to be honest though

RoseHippy1 · 30/10/2019 20:04

Run run run away

FabbyChix · 30/10/2019 20:06

He wouldn’t eat at all whilst on it and it’s likely he would t be able to sleep

ScreamingLadySutch · 30/10/2019 20:09