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Original poster

Is he still using cocaine? What are the signs?

97 replies

soandso2019 · 30/10/2019 19:17

I met someone through OLD who told me he used to do cocaine socially. He still does pills and LSD occasionally. I hate drugs but I like him. I also respected him for being upfront about it. He's 37 and said he'll have to stop when he settles down and has kids. We've only been together about three months now but I've started to suspect he might still be using cocaine. Last night was the first time I ever noticed him sniffing but he's always blowing his nose. ALWAYS. But it's not because he has a cold. It's not that kind of nose blowing, as in it's just loud and dry and sore. Could he have damaged his nose before? He also went to the toilet twice for a really long time in a short space of time, which made me wonder.

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 30/10/2019 22:35

I'm reading through all the replies and I have a lot to think about

What on earth is there to think about?

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/10/2019 22:35

Cocaine, if good quality, isn't too bad.

Are you for real?!!! Tell that to the 14,000 people who OD'd on cocaine in 2017. When you take cocaine, your risk of having a heart attack increases by 23 TIMES!! Cocaine can also cause fatal strokes as well as seizures.

But yeah, I'm sure these are all down to it not being "good quality" cocaine. Hmm

rvby · 30/10/2019 23:01

Yeah, cocaine is a stimulant and the purer it is the more likely it is to give you a heart attack.

Also its production and distribution is a source of profound human suffering and misery.

I'm in no way anti drugs but cocaine is one of those horror substances that ruins the lives of many many people, not just users.

Everafter1 · 31/10/2019 00:58

Wouldn't count on him stopping if he settles down. Being 37 he's too far gone. He'd no doubt just try to hide it even more. LSD ruins peoples minds.

As he's told you he's a drug taker & you're still with him he probably expects you to accept it.

Dressing it up as a "community & lifestyle" sounds like code for addict. I'd stay well clear unless that's the life you want for yourself.

Interestedwoman · 31/10/2019 01:18

Do you want to be involved with someone who's part of the druggie 'community and lifestyle?' Is that the sort of person you want around your daughter?

Speaking for myself, acid definitely didn't help my mental health. I don't have much experience with E, but if you look at Shaun Ryder it doesn't scream life goals or boyfriend goals.

And yep, cocaine is far more risky for physical health than LSD or E, but none of them are harmless. I think he gauged what he thought he could say to a date- say 'cocaine' and it sounds like a potential addiction, say LSD or E and it doesn't sound so much like an expensive and relationship ruining habit. It's still not good either way, and I expect he probably is still using coke.

outherealone · 31/10/2019 01:57

Habitual addict coke users are not the same as party / social users therefore the signs aren’t always as obvious such as excessive talking etc. Erratic sleep pattern and moods is pretty standard. Sleeping for days on end or not at all. Excessive drinking without appearing drunk. Perpetual flu. Lying, lack of cash for no reason
Sweating... not introducing you to friends or being cagey around friends. Being unreliable.
If you carry on seeing him and he has a habit you’ll soon see things start falling apart around him.

Techway · 31/10/2019 02:22

In your opening post I wondered if you were feeling like you should settle.

Please ignore the car, job, pension as this could blind you to realities of him. It sounds very much that he is testing your boundaries and making an effort as it is early days however you are going against your values on drugs.

Never ever settle. He takes drugs, your instinct is telling you however you desperately want to avoid dealing with the reality.

I think we can all relate to your feelings as anyone who have ended up with an addicted or abusive partner choose to ignore the warning signs but experience says Run now to avoid a very painful future.

user1481840227 · 31/10/2019 02:22

He's definitely sniffing cocaine a lot if he is constantly blowing his nose.
I don't think people usually spend a lot of time in the bathroom per trip if they are doing a line of coke though, but he could be arranging to buy more or god knows what when he's in there.

He absolutely won't change if he has kids. He said it's a community and a lifestyle, it's a pretty manky community and lifestyle, especially at his age!! Seeing people absolutely off their face, engaging in all sorts of risky behaviour, I bet at least half of the 'community' have ruined relationships and broken families behind them due to the drugs sessions.

Also if he did have kids in the future everyone who has had kids know how challenging the early years can be, what's someone like him going to do when they want to blow off some steam? Of course they'll want to go out and let loose and take drugs. Engagement parties, stag nights, what will he be doing? Drugs of course

Also drug use can affect sperm, from the sperm count, to the quality (increasing the likelihood of miscarriage). It can also affect the sperm DNA and cause birth defects.

MerryMarigold · 31/10/2019 02:40

Addict. Don't settle because you're 35. Being single and enjoying life is way better than bringing a child into the world with an addicted father. You'll be tied to him forever, as will the poor child. You have an early choice now. I think you knew you felt uncomfortable so go with that instinct and get more in touch with it.

Monty27 · 31/10/2019 02:57

There's baggage and there's baggage. That OP is baggage with bags on.
Get rid. Run. Fast. Shock

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 31/10/2019 04:39

He is still using sad to say.

minesagin37 · 31/10/2019 05:50

My friend thought her new DH had ditched his cocaine habit too. Turned out he hadn't and had run up a load of debts. It's an expensive habit op. Avoid avoid.

thebluewidow · 31/10/2019 06:22

"Also I think cocaine is better than pills or LSD. Cocaine, if good quality, isn't too bad. It's what things get mixed with that kill."

My DH dropped dead in the street earlier this year. It was cocaine that killed him, toxicology reports said. His heart stopped. Cocaine did that, not the things that got mixed in. I know because there was a post mortem and toxicology tests. He was 45.

I'd avoid, OP. Seriously.

isthismylifenow · 31/10/2019 06:29

3 months in, shouldn't be that difficult to make the break.

Lot of people have a flat, car and are nice. They don't do cocaine and lsd though.

He won't change OP. He will say that but he won't.

Are you willing to risk a future with his man? You have a glimpse of how it is going to be.

thebluewidow · 31/10/2019 06:34

Also, just to add, even if he doesn't die, life is unbearably hard with an active addict. I don't think people who use coke heavily get away with it as they age - the post mortem on my DH showed evidence of heart degradation including a probable silent heart attack some months earlier because that's what cocaine does.

That aside, even though our lives are now fucked, it might well be emotionally and financially less stressful than when he was alive. Obviously I'm not glad he's dead or anything but living with an addict was hell. The mood swings, unreliability, lies, disappearances. And my DH was utterly self obsessed. It became all about the drug and the rest of the family were just left. Horrible stuff.

category12 · 31/10/2019 06:37

Basically a relationship isn't going to work out if one of the people drastically changing themselves is a necessity from the start.

isthismylifenow · 31/10/2019 06:39

Sorry to read this Blue.

I really hope that OP reads your post and takes in what you have said and been through.

Loopytiles · 31/10/2019 06:41

Raise your dating bar!

RuffleCrow · 31/10/2019 06:42

Ugh op he sounds like a nightmare. Not so much the drugs as the obvious lies. This shows a complete lack of respect for you and you've only just met. If he was honest and said "i'm a 37 year old coke head and i'll probably end up a 77 year old coke head." It would at least show he likes you enough to let you make an informed choice. He's already pushing your boundaries to see how bright you are and how high your self esteem really is. You're worth more. Ditch him before you end up codependent and miserable with miserable kids.

lolaflores · 31/10/2019 06:47

I know 3 men all dead within about a year of each other. Led the coke and weedife from their mid teens. No.1 had first heart attack in his early 30s. 2 a d 3, by their 49s.
All 3 had various wrecked relationships and kids they had o co tact with.
All 3 dead before 54th birthdays.
Wastes.
But, thought they were the cock of the walk unaware what they were doing to their bodies. Not caring what they did to anyone else.
I saw them go into murderous rages and their partners escape by the skin of their teeth. Kids raised in chaotic homes.
The were all associated with undesirable low life criminals as well which eventually led to
Time in prison for one of them.
All 3 never got to see their children grow up.
Dont believe a word he says. Leave him to it, go out and be in a world populated by people who can have an honest conversation.

AnyFucker · 31/10/2019 06:54

"I'll have to give up when I settle down"

Said every addict ever. It doesn't happen.

hardyloveit · 31/10/2019 07:02

Like pp have said that runny nose is what you get for days to about a week after snorting any type of drug. Look at his pupils. No appetite. More talkative. Another sign he could be horny (although not get it up!)
Stay clear of him is my advise. He is 37 not 18.

Don't settle for him just because your 35 and you think your trine might be running out. You will waste time on him!

Morgan12 · 31/10/2019 07:09

The main problem with cocaine users is that they genuinely do not see it as an addiction. It is so socially acceptable now that users aren't 'addicts' like heroin users would be classed.

I don't even disagree with cocaine use if it really is socially but his doesn't seem to be purely social anymore.

Cocaine users also don't see the drug as dangerous. There are very very few deaths purely related to cocaine use. Its seen as a safe drug, if there is such a thing.

Bottom line is he isn't going to stop. He won't stop when he settles down either. He may use less but he won't stop. It's very addictive. And if his friends take it then the temptation will be there and it's extremely hard to say no.

HelloYouTwo · 31/10/2019 07:11

He doesn’t sound nice or much fun ... you think you’re going for dinner, but end up not eating as he has no appetite. He repeats stories (happens to us all but 3 months in, imagine living with those stories for the next 40 years!).

He takes drugs - think about the impact on the production and supply “chain” - that’s real people, some of them children, living horrible frightening exploited lives so he can get his fix.

You’d have kids with this man?? What would his attitude be to your children taking drugs? Would you be relaxed if your dc took cocaine? These are his values. This is what matters when you find a partner to have kids with.

He’s not that nice and he’s not that great. And he won’t give up drugs and settle down, and you’ll have wasted another few years waiting for him to do that. Wake up OP and value yourself more highly.

AmIThough · 31/10/2019 07:19

I don't understand why you're ok with the other drugs but not cocaine, really.

Just ask him.