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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel sick

77 replies

SulaBear · 27/10/2019 07:36

Getting in bed last night. Promise on the cards, all dressed up for the occasion. Long standing issue with him being obsessed with trusting me through no fault of my own.

He asked who had liked my recent posts on insta, also asking questions if I've ever done anything on my phone I shouldn't etc. Told him I'm no longer in the mood and he does his nut. I've explained to him before it's quickest way to turn me off! Goes on about how important it is to do it last night as he must have it again Monday. I said I'm not doing it I don't want to. Then he tells me I better to it tomorrow else it'll be 3 days and Monday as well as Monday very important to him. He can't even tell me why Monday so important?

I told him it's not acceptable but he doesn't get it. He told me I'm unacceptable for leaving things like that before we went to sleep even knowing full well I've told him it's not acceptable to ask the questions he does. He wants to know what I'm going to do to make it right. I've had a bad stomach all night through stress.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 27/10/2019 08:02

This is not a good relationship. But you know that. You should feel loved and safe. Not sick and frightened.

Please think long and hard about what you want.

areyouafraidofthedark · 27/10/2019 08:05

Please tell me you don't have children or live together?

ShitOnIt78 · 27/10/2019 08:10

He is abusive, you need to leave. He will not change and it will not get better. Please protect yourself and go. Do not tell him of your intention to leave, do it whilst he is not at home and speak to Womens Aid for support.

Collision · 27/10/2019 08:12

Good grief

This is a terrible relationship.
Please tell me you know that and you are going to leave.

Cocoaandbedsocks · 27/10/2019 08:12

You have to leave.

AlternativePerspective · 27/10/2019 08:13

What you intend to do about it????? Mmmm well now let’s see...... I would get rid of him for a start.....

What is your relationship setup OP?

Techway · 27/10/2019 08:24

I told him it's not acceptable but he doesn't get it

He does get it but he just doesn't want to hear you. If he heard you then his behaviour would have to stop. These men are obsessed with getting their needs met and will bully in order for you to comply.

He will blame you so that he never has to alter his behaviour or accept responsible. If he is insecure he has to deal with those emotions but he won't so he has to control you. It is caused by poor emotional development and maybe learned behaviour from his childhood. You will never fix it as he has to understand he is the issue.

Please please listen to the sick feeling in your stomach, the stress can cause illness as your body is in fight or flight mode and your lack of good restful sleep will add to the risk.

What are the circumstances of housing? Do you have children?

HisBetterHalf · 27/10/2019 08:27

Why are you with him?

category12 · 27/10/2019 08:28

You're in an abusive relationship, op. Can you speak to Women's Aid?

TheoriginalLEM · 27/10/2019 08:29

Yuck

nomoreclue · 27/10/2019 08:33

Disgusting. Utterly disgusting.

notacooldad · 27/10/2019 08:42

Please listen to your body.
The suck feeling is a warning.
Everything in your post is wrong , from him asking the questions about your phone to him saying what you did is unacceptable.
This usnt the first time he has acted like this and it wont be the last. You ate going to live in a perpetual state if stress. Stress causes other serious ailments. He is not good for you.

OkayGoooouuuuuullllll · 27/10/2019 08:46

Run for the hills op

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/10/2019 09:11

Leave him OP.

Thatnameistaken · 27/10/2019 10:26

This is pretty toxic op, please take the advice above and get away from this man.

Cobblersandhogwash · 27/10/2019 10:28

He sounds mentally ill.

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 10:30

You are being abused.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Zoflorabore · 27/10/2019 11:12

Please tell us you didn’t sleep with him in the end?
That sick feeling in your stomach is the fight or flight... listen to it.

He “must” have it on Monday? Says who?

When people project like this over infidelity claims/phone/social media likes etc it’s usually because they have something to hide themselves.

Original poster
SulaBear · 27/10/2019 16:17

No I didn't sleep with him. Argument is still ongoing as he feels it was unacceptable to leave things like that last night. He said he can't help the questions he asks so but I have to help how I respond to them and help him better with his problem. I'm really at a loss.
I've told him to leave for tonight at least because I'm so tired and don't feel well. He's been on at me about who has liked a social media post from last night. A guy I used to chat to before I was with him apparently likes all my posts that don't have him in it. He thinks I'm encouraging it. I don't post often. He's basically said if I don't delete him he'll call him to tell him to stop persuing me. I don't feel he is Persuing me. I've not heard from the guy since I've been in a relationship.
My nut has been completely done. I feel broken but I still hope he'll change

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 27/10/2019 16:20

How long have you been together

He won’t change

1forAll74 · 27/10/2019 16:27

He sounds horrible and very immature, and is not worth knowing a minute longer. But it seems that social media stuff,makes some people very insecure, and they are weak minded obviously.

Mumof21989 · 27/10/2019 16:33

He's horrible. My friends partner is like this and we no longer speak because on top of this he's an absolute control freak. He made her one by one give up her mates, move away, have sex with him every morning. Horrible bully. I think you should end it!

AnnaNimmity · 27/10/2019 16:47

God how awful. The opposite of a loving relationship.

My ex was the same - he wanted it every morning and evening no matter what. (very coercively on occasion). My ex also the same about me talking to anyone (male or female) else. Sex was one way to control.

I'm now in a relationship where I feel so much less pressure. And it's great. That isn't normal OP. Have you got anywhere you can go? Or can you ask him to stay away?

AnnaNimmity · 27/10/2019 16:48

@Mumof21989 he sounds exactly like my ex. Stay there for your friend - she may need you soon.

HollowTalk · 27/10/2019 16:51

What's your situation, OP? Do you have children together? Do you rent or share a mortgage? How long have you been together?

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