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Original poster

Supposed to be on a date tonight and this has happened. should i be annoyed?!

126 replies

User30001 · 26/10/2019 19:36

we text at 6 to finalise arrangements. he says pick me up at 7. i ask him to text when he's leaving. its about half an hour to get to mine from his.

it gets to 5 to seven at he texts saying just leaving now will be half an hour because he had to eat, he was hungry. (we are eating later anyway...)

i feel annoyed! especially as he didnt text to tell me. what do you think?!

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 27/10/2019 01:59

He kept you waiting half an hour so he could eat ?? When you were going to eat together anyway ? Nope nope nopetty nope. He's a selfish twat.

minesagin37 · 27/10/2019 02:27

Wow some harsh responses. I would at least listen to what he has to say about it. He may say 'oh I'm always late' or 'this was a one off situation'.

Heatherjayne1972 · 27/10/2019 06:28

This shows a lack of respect
If you say ‘meet at 7’. You meet at 7
Unless something happens that’s out of your control in which case you call. Being late because you want to eat isn’t good enough especially if you’d be eating later on

Anyone who breezily says ‘I’m always late ‘. Would be dumped pronto

You’re the prize op. He should be trying to impress you

Aussiebean · 27/10/2019 06:37

I get it. I would be annoyed too. The question is, now that he knows it annoys you- will he do it again?

Divebar · 27/10/2019 06:46

Jesus what an over the top reaction - words like furious being trotted out. Really? Half an hour and you’re sat at home not stood outside the cinema. He is actually picking you up from your home I notice ... so you’re making zero effort to even get to the place. Is he driving to a restaurant and then driving you home again? Because if so he can only have one drink while you can knock the drinks back and “ fume” about all his hideous “ red flags” that this thread is so fond of. Maybe next date you pick him up.

Divebar · 27/10/2019 06:48

Ps. You’re not a prize just because you’re a woman incidentally. I’m sure you have less than perfect traits - as do we all.

Fizzysours · 27/10/2019 06:53

Lol-ed at 'you're the prize'. A tad outdated. I've only ever seen men I really fancied and always considered them to be the prize too!!! This is not 1950

WelcomeToShootingStars · 27/10/2019 07:53

He let you know before the time you were expecting him, which isn't ideal but is fine. You were in your own home and all you had to do was chill out for an extra 25 minutes.

I personally see the fact that you've been on mumsnet during your time together as far worse when it comes to lack of manners and I wouldn't see someone again who thought it was acceptable behaviour.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 27/10/2019 07:54

Also, the fact that someone may have plans to eat later doesn't stop them from being hungry now.

NoCauseRebel · 27/10/2019 08:05

What is it with these men on here lately who can’t seem to wait to eat but have to do so immediately meaning that everything else has to be put on hold/others need to adjust to them? Confused.

TBH I wouldn’t necessarily consider it a dumping offence or that I wanted to be someone’s “prize”. Hmm but neither do I think that we should always jump to the worst like thinking he was a diabetic/on medication and therefore needed to eat right now i would be inclined to think that he was in fact making some kind of excuse or that timekeeping wasn’t a priority for him.

FWIW I think that the whole dating thing these days is so bloody exhausting that I admire anyone who even signs up to it let alone sticks it out....

FredaFrogspawn · 27/10/2019 08:11

You did belt and braces to ensure he didn’t keep you waiting (arrange a time AND ask him to text before leaving).

He may have felt the text instruction implied permission to be more lax on timekeeping.

Studies show that people who are always of often late think differently about time from the way of us. However, it still annoys me when they do this as it isn’t something I’d ever do out of respect.

I would pencil it in as a possible red flag and see how the next two or three dates go. But I agree you shouldn’t drop your standards and if he pisses you off like this again, for both of your sakes it’s probably worth calling it a day.

cccameron · 27/10/2019 08:12

It's date 5. He's already being rude, thoughtless and selfish. If he liked you he'd be trying to impress you. Instead he doesn't give you a second thought while he decides to fill his face. Not even sure I'd believe the story that he suddenly decided to make something to eat when you were going to go out for dinner, who the fuck would do that? I wouldnt waste any more time on this loser

dudsville · 27/10/2019 08:12

If on date 5, the guy texted 5 min before he was due to arrive, having not sent the 30 min heads up text, to let me know he'd be another 30 min, I'd be minor level irked. I'm presuming here that the previous 4 dates were nice. Some people don't understand time. If you are wary because of previous relationships be careful not to load that on to this new relationship. Judge him on his merits.

FredaFrogspawn · 27/10/2019 08:13

He should have sent a text to saying he’ll be half an hour late hope that’s ok sort of thing.

Dieu · 27/10/2019 08:14

I'm a big foodie Blush I wouldn't be impressed at the whole plan changing, as presumably he be won't be hungry enough to eat now. So now you'll have to wolf something down while waiting for him.
So him changing the time doesn't bother me, it's the changed dynamic of the date that would.

AGnu · 27/10/2019 08:17

I'd ditch him immediately, personally. My DH is a wonderful man in many ways but every single evening he tells me what time he'll be home from work & then I hear nothing until around the time he's supposed to be back when I'll call him & he'll be "just packing up now..." It's incredibly frustrating & embarrassing because he'll do it when we're supposed to be meeting up with other people. Even if we're at home he'll find something that urgently needs doing. It's almost always a useful thing, like putting a wash on so it'll be ready to sort out when we get back, but it'll make us late & he has no concept of prioritising to get places on time. I'm not going to break up our family over it now, but I wouldn't start a new relationship with someone who showed similar tendencies. It's just too stressful!

MyOtherProfile · 27/10/2019 08:17

Agreeing seven o' clock, then saying " text when you leave " is a mixed message. It says" I am expecting that you might not be there at 7, the arrangement now is that you will text to let me know your eta

This. I think by saying text me when you leave you are making it more flexible, like ok it might not be exactly 7 so just let me know the time you leave so I can be ready for when you get here. You made it sound more relaxed by doing that. Otherwise if you had just said 7 and were waiting at 7 I would think he was a bit rude. Still a bit of an overreaction.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 27/10/2019 08:18

If it's the first time I would give the benefit of the date and find out his excuse with a jokey comment about needing to eat. If he's diabetic then fair enough. But also make it clear future lateness is unacceptable.

PeriComoToes · 27/10/2019 08:22

But why couldn't he text at 6.30 to day he was running late and wouldn't be there til about 7.30? He knew when he wasn't ready to leave at 6.30 that he was going to be late. You don't leave it until 5 minutes before you get there to say you're on your way unless you're giving someone cpr and saving their life etc.

The thing here is he KNEW he wasn't going to make it on time and that he wasn't going to be a few minutes late. He knew but he was thoughtless to the OP. It's not about him being late per se, it's his attitude.

Secondsight · 27/10/2019 08:22

There's nothing wrong in that! He told you when he was supposed to arrive. Chill out

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 27/10/2019 08:28

He was rude.

Maybe he had the trots and didn't want to say?

cookingonwine · 27/10/2019 08:31

I think it's rude and his timekeeping is questionable aswell. If you are not fuss about someone being on time then don't sweat it. For me personally I wouldn't go on this date as the person hasn't taken my feelings into consideration.

MrsRusselBrand · 27/10/2019 10:21

Can I just make the point that surely if he was picking you up at exactly 7, there would be no need to text 30 mins before he left . In my opinion, if you text someone to let them know you're leaving (and therefore when to expect them ) , then the arrangement was fairly fluid and the time to arrive estimated . If someone asked me to text them when I was leaving , I would make the assumption that I didn't need to stick 100% to the original time and some leeway would be okay . I am fairly laid back about that kind of thing , but appreciate that is not the stance of others . I think you may have given him a mixed message here , so maybe next time you say 'ok great pick me up at 7' , rather than text when you leave Grin

Divebar · 27/10/2019 13:27

Or maybe transport yourself to the venue rather than expecting him to drive 30 minutes to get you.

Aussiebean · 27/10/2019 14:20

My dh once told me that if I turned up late to early dates, our relationship wouldn’t have gone far.

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