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Original poster

Supposed to be on a date tonight and this has happened. should i be annoyed?!

126 replies

User30001 · 26/10/2019 19:36

we text at 6 to finalise arrangements. he says pick me up at 7. i ask him to text when he's leaving. its about half an hour to get to mine from his.

it gets to 5 to seven at he texts saying just leaving now will be half an hour because he had to eat, he was hungry. (we are eating later anyway...)

i feel annoyed! especially as he didnt text to tell me. what do you think?!

OP posts:
HeyNotInMyName · 26/10/2019 21:29

I would be annoyed too as I think it’s just bloody rude.
Politeness would be that you are telling the person you will be late as soon as you can. It’s not that he couldn’t do it (eg his car broken down or he was involve in a small accident). He basically decided to have something to eat first, Aka he out himself and what his wants well before the OP And any respect he could have for her.

I would take it as a negative side and would expect similar behaviour where he would always come first before the OP wants/needs (and probably expecting HER to put him first)

FinallyHere · 26/10/2019 21:41

I can see that for lots of people, warning that you are going to be late minutes before the agreed meeting time, rather when he first knew he was going to be late is no biggie.

It's my private bug bear. Not thatcher was late, but that he delayed warning you.

What I would do about might depend. Having told him straightforwardly how I feel about it, I would not mention it again until/unless he did it again. Then, I think I would stop dating him as incompatible.

A member of our extended family has a 'cute' story about waiting over an hour for her to turn up on their first date. He seems almost proud that his now wife is chronically late. He obviously sees it as attractive, it just means we have to factor in their being late for anything we ever arrange with them.

Sigh.

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 26/10/2019 21:42

I wouldn't date anyone like this again. My last ex was frequently 30-45mins late and turned out to be a massive twunt

Gigibadid · 26/10/2019 21:46

oh wow.

When I met my current DP for our FIRST date I took a quick nap before he picked me up (the first time we had ever met). He was meant to pick me up at 6.30pm. I woke up at 6.33pm to two missed calls and my door bell ringing. Cue me running downstairs in my crumpled day clothes and bedhead Blush

We still laugh about it now. He waited in my lounge whilst I got ready.

All our dates were pretty much always running late come to think of it ... he used to have to drive up to see me, and would usually saying "I'll be there at 10am" I would potter around my house until just after 10am and he would text "just leaving now, see you in an hour!" ... never bothered me, I was just happy we were going to spend time together Grin

I think it's a personal preference thing and if you're not happy with it, tell him?

Lunde · 26/10/2019 21:46

It's a bit odd that he decided to eat just before going out to dinner

I wouldn't be impressed by him delaying texting until the last minute - he must have known by 6.30 that he wasn't intending to leave on time but didn't bother to let you know

Louiserl · 26/10/2019 21:57

Grow up woman

AnnaNimmity · 26/10/2019 21:59

I can't bear lateness either. I'm early for everything. It would irritate me.

I think you probably have to be clearer with him that lateness doesnt' work for you. I also think it's a bit weird to eat when you're eating later. But see how it goes! It's early days.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 26/10/2019 22:17

I always think that if people can be on time for appointments and for work then they can be on time for social events too. It smacks of disrespect and pushing boundaries to be late. They know they wouldn't get away with it at work or at the doctors for example but expect family and friends and dates to hang around waiting.
He should have told you at 6.30 or whenever he decides to delay leaving that he was running late. He could have grabbed something to eat on the way-a quick snack to put him on until he ate with you.
I'd probably give him another chance if the previous dates had been great and he is normally a good communicator. If he's not ticking your boxes then move on though as he certainly isn't giving the impression he's really into you and eager to see you.

LilQueenie · 26/10/2019 22:17

is he diabetic or similar? Sometimes you have to eat regardless or you risk serious complications.

BunnyColvin · 26/10/2019 22:20

Red flag OP. He doesn't respect your time. It wouldn't have killed him to text earlier and properly explain but he didn't bother.

Keep an eye on the situation, but speaking from experience, this wouldn't be for me. It's part of something much bigger.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2019 22:27

I'd be annoyed too op. At 5 to pick up I'd have cost on, telly off and be ready to go. I wouldn't want to sit there for 30 minutes.

However you said "message me when you leave" so at 20 to I'd have messed saying have you left yet?

nex18 · 26/10/2019 22:37

If he was picking you up from your home at 7, then I reckon anywhere between about 6.55 and 7.30 would count in that. Especially when you’d agreed he would text when he was leaving. If he hadn’t text to say he’d left then surely you weren’t expecting him to arrive yet. It’s a date not a job interview, was he supposed to sit in the car and ring the bell at 7.00 exactly, surely being early is worse?

Whereispeterrabbit · 26/10/2019 22:48

OP- a few years ago I was supposed to meet someone quite late, around 8 pm. I met him online and that was our first date. The meeting point was about 15 min bus ride for me and he knew that.

At 2 min to 8 pm he texted me to say he was going to be 15 mins late, I was fuming. Surely, he knew he wasn't going to make it earlier, he could have texted so that I didn't leave home for another 15 mins, rather then making me wait in the freezing cold. I sucked it up and went for a walk for about 10-12 mins. After which I said to myself..fuck it I wasn't terribly keen on this guy anyway, it was late and iourt was our first date, he should have made an effort. So I decided to take the bus back. You know what, he started texting and calling around 8:30, saying where was I as he just arrived, 30 mins late! I blocked him and never regretted it.

VanGoghsDog · 26/10/2019 23:49

was he supposed to sit in the car and ring the bell at 7.00 exactly, surely being early is worse?

Why not?
My dp sat in the car round the corner until it was the time he was due to pick me up. Obviously he told me this later.
But it's what I would do too.

nex18 · 27/10/2019 00:00

Why not? Because it’s supposed to be fun not an ordeal.

ffswhatnext · 27/10/2019 00:06

If someone told me 7 then I would expect them at that time, not somewhere between x and x.
If you mean between 7 and 7:30 well just say so.
My time isn’t as important as yours? Why should I have to wait around because someone cannot let me know as soon as they realize they are going to be late. it’s not like it suddenly got to that time and he realised. He knew before hand.

VanGoghsDog · 27/10/2019 01:00

He didn't feel it was an ordeal, he just planned to get there early to avoid being late, got there early, then waited as being early when someone might still be getting ready is rude.

Being on time is just good manners and respect.

BadSun · 27/10/2019 01:02

I think I'd rather someone was 20 minutes late than got there 5 minutes early and waited around the corner for 5 minutes! lol

Horses for courses!

DelphiniumBlue · 27/10/2019 01:12

Agreeing seven o' clock, then saying " text when you leave " is a mixed message. It says" I am expecting that you might not be there at 7, the arrangement now is that you will text to let me know your eta. "
So in that case him texting to say he will not b e there till 7.30 isn't unreasonable.
If you want him to agree a fixed time, don't add a caveat next time. And if someone being 30 mins later than expected is a big deal to you, make that clear, it isn't to everyone.
I think he just thought it was a loose arrangement.

TheoriginalLEM · 27/10/2019 01:23

My DP was over an hour late for our first date, continued in that vein for several years. I have sort of trainedhim out of it but he has no concept of time, i often tell him the world wont pause to wait for you!!!

26 long years later and he is snoring next to me. He would lay down his life for me but would still be late and is a wonderful man.

Just saying.

VanGoghsDog · 27/10/2019 01:45

I didn't know he was five minutes early though, all I knew was that he was on time. It was his choice to get there early, not mine.

managedmis · 27/10/2019 01:49

What was he eating that was so big it took him half an hour? I thought you said he had a snack? So a bowl of cereal or a toast? That takes five minutes?

BarbedBloom · 27/10/2019 01:50

I wouldn't have been happy either as he must have known before then he would be late. I would have given him the chance but if it had happened again a few more times I would dump. I don't mind someone being occasionally late as life happened, but I couldn't be with someone with poor timekeeping.

Bunnyfuller · 27/10/2019 01:20

It’s a lot of bother over 30 mins?!

If he does it lots the yes he’s a twat, but I know my DH is a miserable bastard if he’s over hungry and would prob grab something to keep him going

Caveated with I haven’t dated since 2000, so it could be lateness or lack of texts a huge no no. When we were dating mobiles were only just getting going and you couldn’t communicate every second of your life 😂

BadSun · 27/10/2019 01:34

When we were dating mobiles were only just getting going and you couldn’t communicate every second of your life 😂

"I'm not spending 10p just to tell you I'm leaving!"

Every text message had to count back then! 😂