Caught Checking Partners Phone

[Usernametaken098]

I'm looking for some advice about what I should do.....
I've been with my partner for around 11 months, however we're not living together though I spend every Wednesday and Thursday at his and when we don't have our kids at the weekend we we spend them together.

I have severe trust issues as every one of my ex partners have cheated on me and my last relationship which ended 3 yrs ago was very abusive. My current partner knows this and I have been trying so hard to put my past behind me, however its is very difficult.😣

Things were going well until about a month ago, I had spent the Thursday night at his and we both left for work on the Friday morning, however I decided to go to the petrol station for a coffee. To head out of town i had to go past my partner's house and as i did so his car was parked in his driveway when he should have been on his way to work.

My anxiety took over and i went to his door, he took a few minutes to answer it. I asked him why he was back home. He explained that he didn't feel like going to work. I asked why not tell me as I knew he was going through a lot at work so would definitely have supported him if he wanted to have a day off. He said that he was an idiot for not telling me.

Since that day I've been really anxious about how he feels about me to the point that I checked his phone a few times between then and last weekend, but I didn't really find anything.

He caught me checking his phone on Saturday and I don't know what to do. He wasn't angry but really disappointed and now our relationship seems strained. He said that we're ok and that he'll see me when he gets back from his course but the texts seem a wee bit different. He's still saying good morning and night with ones in between but I mentioned last night that my period was really bad with me passing a few clots and bleeding heavily which is unusual for me. He didn't even acknowledged it or say I'm sorry to hear you're not well.

So I'm wondering have a totally ruined everything or will he forgive me?

Sorry for the long post but need some advice. Thank you x

OP. You sound very angry. I am struggling to work out why you have posted on a public forum for opinions, when anyone who disagrees with you is receiving an ear bashing.

It sounds to me like you are not ready for a relationship. You need therapy.

Perhaps he pretended to go to work because he thought you would look down on him for pulling a sicky. Or maybe he wanted an annual leave day to himself and worried you would take one if you knew he had one, is this something you would do?

Yes he was being odd to lie, but if he wasn't up to no good, does it really have anything to do with you?

If he is having an affair and meeting up with her when he should be in work, he could just ditch you now, given that you questioned him on his own doorstep and looked through his phone.

I think he has probably lost trust in you, and seen a side to you he doesn't like, resulting in him not finding you attractive any more.

Just a thought.

I totally agree with @Vilanelle . I too had been thinking he probably wanted a day off to himself but suspected (probably with good reason) that you’d also take the day off if you knew, or wouldn’t take the hint that he wanted some alone time, therefore didn’t tell you as a way of avoiding that situation occurring.

Do you think maybe he does feel the need for more alone time than he’s currently getting within your r’ship? If so, honesty is the best way to go about this, because by withholding this he is engaging in behaviours which trigger your spidey senses even tho there’s no affair going on.

I have anxiety too, even more so since my OH has lied to me about a few ex's he had been texting and ever since then ive had to try rebuild my trust in him.
But this man hasnt done anything to show hes been unfaithful in anyway.
The showing up to his house when you saw his car is a bit nuts, and im sure he thought the same... i would have went to work and text a while later asking how his morning is going, if he dont mention being at home then he has lied to you.

And sorry your description of your period is pretty grim... i would have just said its my time of the month and its quite bad, so feeling a little under the weather.
You really shouldnt have told him about your clots.