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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I the only one that's discusted by this behaviour?

32 replies

98Charlotte · 21/10/2019 17:33

Going to try to cut a long story short.

Basically parents wanted us to move here and we're nice to get us here, then when we moved things changed and they have wanted us out.
We've been trying to save for a place and everything we need, as well as pay for essentials at the moment and the baby. We pay them each month which also takes away from this and will continue to pay what we own when we move, and don't know if the amount they want will be affordable.
I've only just got a job in the last couple of weeks, and with the costs of everything round here it hasn't been realistic to move before then.

Say they're selling the house, which will make us homeless, she's only just 3 months and I don't think they see anything wrong with doing this.

Always going against me and thinking my sister who doesn't have a child and isn't capable of getting a job is perfect. I even feel like they're trying to cut me out of their life and will. (maybe it won't be a bad thing).

Am I right to feel annoyed and discusted with their behaviour?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 21/10/2019 17:35

Lots more questions here. But if you’ve moved in, they are then selling the house then do they intend for you to move with them?

Is it really a reason to be “discusted”?

BeanBag7 · 21/10/2019 17:37

Where did you live before and why did you decide to move in with them (other than they asked you to, did it help you financially or logistically?)

Why would you pay them after you move out?

I don't think it's disgusting to sell their house. It is theirs if they want to sell it and you should have plenty of time to sort out alternative arrangements. As you said "us" I guess you have a partner- would you be able to rent a place between you? Or go back to wherever you lived before?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2019 17:41

So where were you before you moved to live in their house? Why did you give up a home to live with them?

Why will you owe them money when you move out?

  1. Tell them you can't afford to pay them rent as they're making you homeless and need to save for a deposit. If the debt is a seperate one tell tbry you will pay it once you move, but set the amount at an affordable amount which you adjust as your income increases.
  1. Is the house actually in tbe market? Speak to the local housing office and explain what has happened - that you're about to be homeless with a baby. They should be able to support you in getting accommodation, even if this is a hostel short term.

Yes it's awful if they've asked you to live with them then decided to move leaving you homeless. I'd def consider how healthy the relationship is.

Original poster
98Charlotte · 21/10/2019 18:08

We were happy living away from the area.

We owe them money for the place we had on our own and baby stuff they brought.

Then they want to sell it because we're there. Even that they're thinking of selling the house and wanting their child and grandchild have nowhere to live is awful.
Only thinking of the money for the self and wanting to get away from us.

The only thing we've wanted is to get away from them again. This area is so much more expensive than where we were before and wasn't manageable with all the other bills on ones persons wage, but now that's I've just been able to get a job we'd be able to save it faster to get out sooner.

If they were just going to cause arguments for no reason and want us out we wouldn't have even moved no matter how pressured into it we were.

We've tried saying to the council before and they didn't seem interested unless we were actually homeless, even saying they wanted us out by a set date didn't make them want to find us anywhere, so had to put up with it.

OP posts:
477964z · 21/10/2019 18:09

This reply has been deleted

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PrincessRaven · 21/10/2019 18:15

Just move back to where you were

And go nc

BertrandRussell · 21/10/2019 18:16

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Post references deleted post. Talk Guidelines.

Lulualla · 21/10/2019 18:17

So you were living away from them, but they were paying towards your living expenses as well as buying you baby stuff? They wanted you to move in with them, probably because they didn't want to keep subsidising you in your own home which you couldn't afford.
Now they want to sell.
I'm guessing there is a lot more to this than you're letting on, and they've had enough.

You had a baby when you already couldn't afford your life, and they've been paying things for you. And all that come across her dis ungratefullness. I think they want rid of you and I'm not surprised.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 21/10/2019 18:21

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Babybel90 · 21/10/2019 18:35

What changed that you ended up not being able to afford where you were living with a 3 month old baby? I’m assuming you didn’t plan to have a baby when you couldn’t afford to?

JorisBonson · 21/10/2019 18:38

How old are you OP?

Cynara · 21/10/2019 18:39

All you want is to get away from them, but they're not allowed to get away from you by selling? I'm struggling to follow the storyline but from what you've written I don't think they're being outrageously unreasonable.

Original poster
98Charlotte · 21/10/2019 20:31

We could afford where we lived before.
They just interfered too much and brought stuff we didn't need and said we didn't want in the first place. And trying to control the way our child is brought up.

I was in a car accident which put me out of work for longer which they didn't like.

We'd like to get away from them but it's the fact they forced us back here to cause arguments again like when I lived here before just to suit them.
It's not the fact that everyone wants to get away it's the fact that they'd quite happily disown their own family without any warning or care.

OP posts:
bodgeitandscarper · 21/10/2019 20:52

How were you forced to move in with them?
I can't imagine anyone wanting to actively move someone in simply to cause arguments.
If you owe them money then perhaps they are now struggling financially and have to sell?

Babybel90 · 21/10/2019 21:07

So you were happy where you were, didn’t like them interfering and they then forced you to move in with them and now you’re annoyed they want to move and live separately from you?

I don’t see the problem, you don’t want to live with them and they don’t want to live with you, so why don’t you move back to where you were happy and remember that you’re an adult now so no one can force you to live somewhere you don’t want to?

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 21/10/2019 21:09

Sounds like half a story op and you owe them.money and they are sick of subsiding you. Of course you would be expected to pay rent..you need to leave and be independent.

onthecoins · 21/10/2019 21:17

How did they force you to relocate and move into their house? Why didn't you just say no thanks?

Why can't you move back to the area you were before, if it's what you want anyway?

mumwon · 21/10/2019 21:32

are they downsizing moving to retire moving for a job? How long have you lived with them - how long do you expect to live off of them? You are adults & they own their house not you - unless they forced you out of your house... so you owed them money??? newsflash it will take them a while to sell when they get date at exchange you can give council copy of paperwork which will show when they complete & you can use that to get council flat - frankly you are coming across badly - its not your parents role to subsidize their adult children & dgc its their choice

iamNOTmagic · 21/10/2019 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhiskeyLullaby · 21/10/2019 21:58

Unless they put a gun to your head they didn't really force you to move in did they?

Not if you claim you were living far away,financially independent and their only contribution was the stuff they wanted to buy.

Why can't you move back where you were before since it's more affordable and keeps the distance between all of you?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/10/2019 23:15

You said you owed them for the pal e you lived before, what was this? If thry brought baby stuff, why are you paying them back for it? How did thry force you to move in and relocate?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2019 23:21

What’s the long story?

PickAChew · 21/10/2019 23:24

Yes, it's redikulas.

SpinneyHill · 21/10/2019 23:26

I'm sure they would rather accept lower repayments then have to put up with you in their house any longer then they have to.

Have you managed to save anything towards moving out? How long will you need to be able to achieve it?

ffswhatnext · 21/10/2019 23:29

So controlling interfering parents suggested you move back home and you pack up your stuff and sold anything else. Supporting yourselves financially until the accident.
Grandparents decide to buy stuff which although you didn't want/need you kept.
How does owing them money come into things?
As for them selling up. Surely when you were considering moving back in with your parents, you also thought about the day when they would sell up to pay for nursing home fees.
So now you are facing homelessness and have everything needed for the baby. But are saving up to move and buy everything you need. Have you considered renting furnished or going unfurnished and get on freecycle, fb market, second-hand shops and getting creative with how you use things? For example, first-year here we had a futon that was used as seating and my bed and I learnt how to sew.