BF of two months annoyed I booked holiday without him

[writergirl007]

I've been seeing my BF a couple of months - met on an app and things got fairly serious quick. Great chemistry, generally have a good time etc, although there's been one instance I thought he was being controlling/insecure and I almost ended it. But appear to be back on track now.

I'd planned to go away just after Christmas but not booked anything. I do this every year - am a big travel fan and normally travel alone.

He is separated (2 years) with 3 teenage kids. The weekend before Christmas he is doing Christmas family stuff with his ex and the kids, then she's going away and he has the kids over Christmas for 7-10 days. I'm cool with this despite the family weekend thing seeming a bit strange.

He also travels a bit for work - he's self employed and it's his choice to do so. I'm cool with that too- I have plenty of stuff to keep me occupied.

In short, I'm happy for us to both do stuff independently.

We vaguely discussed a holiday together after Christmas but I thought it was too soon to book a "big" trip together. It would seem sensible to do a low-cost weekend rather than a two week adventure to the other side of the world (as I am planning).

I thought he understood that and booked my solo holiday - albeit it not to my preferred country as he wanted to go there too and we discussed doing it in the future. But I've booked somewhere else really cool that I also want to go to.

He's pissed off. Reckons we were still discussing things and I clearly don't want him to come. I've been flat out at work and desperately need a holiday. I met my last BF on a trip and had a fling with a fellow traveller since then. He thinks I always pull on holiday. But I was single in the past and I don't cheat.

AIBU? Two months seems soon to include him in future travel plans - which overlap with him having his kids anyway.

He won't know what gas lighting is. I wouldn't go into so much detail. If you want to say anything, just say this just isn't working for me, so at such an early stage I think we should call it a day. Good luck and goodbye. And if he comes back demanding explanations say he's just not the one for you, you're not feeling it.

Blocked on WhatsApp. Number deleted from phone and I won't answer unknown numbers for a bit.

How can you block on gmail? Online advice is blocked just goes to spam and I have to check my spam folder for work.

I won't go back, no way. Controlling tosser.

He knows what gaslighting is. Said his ex GF did it. Not sure I believe it anymore - maybe he gaslighted her. Said she was crazy etc.. same old script.

Well done - and yes, I think it does just go to spam folder.
I don't believe you can block the email from coming in - if that makes sense?
I think you can send it to a different folder though?

Well done! So glad you are rid of him without quibbling or being wishy washy or hand wringing. What a git!

Is it too late to switch back to the destination you originally wanted?

No worries about the destination - it will still be there and there was some kind of civil unrest there last time I saw it on the news. My booked destination will be equally awesome.

Sounds like I'll just have to watch out for any emails.

Thanks for the advice and support ladies. You helped me see sense. Going for a run.

You can just delete emails without reading them, you know.

No worries about the destination - it will still be there and there was some kind of civil unrest there last time I saw it on the news.

I think I'm mildly paranoid about this because I used to think this about Yemen when I was living in that part of the world, and unfortunately, it tipped over from 'Possible as a destination if done with research, precautions and listening to local advice' to 'Are you absolutely mad? No!' and then full-blown war while I didn't get around to going.

But good for you, @writergirl007. Running is one of the best ways to get past virtually anything. I kept getting personal bests at particularly low points in my life.

You can just delete emails without reading them, you know.
Yeah.... but far easier said than done!!!!
Curiosity would get the better of me without a doubt!

He sounds incredibly immature and insecure, you’ve done the right thing. I would have messaged too as otherwise things seem a bit open ended and it’s best to make sure the other party knows how you feel. It’s done now, he’s blocked. You sound very level headed and like you have lots of interests, throw yourself into those and look forward to your holiday

Run was a PW.

I know I've done the right thing but it will be raw for a bit. I realise the lovely beginning was all an act but.... it felt so nice at the time.

As for emails, yes I could delete without reading but hard to do. No contact from him so far.

I've got a busy weekend and away for a few days next week for something exciting so lots to keep me occupied.

Well done writergirl. He's got too much luggage.

You're free as a bird.

Well done OP. He sounds like a needy tosser.

Glad to hear you've ended this OP, I agree and think you've done the right thing.

If he emails you can go into the 3 dots top right and block him then

This is so hard. I know I was right to end it but I miss him. All the good times are playing on loop in my head. And at other times I'm arguing with him in my head.

I'm not going to contact him - and not heard from him - but it's tough.

I've just read the full thread. He was a definite controller, and you've caught him out early doors, you should be very proud of yourself OP.

You've only his word about everything, so his opinion/perception/interpretation. He's told you what suits him to tell you, bet your bottom dollar he's lying

Unfortunately we always look back on the good times don't we? Lucky for you it was only 2 months when he showed his true colours, he could've masked it for much longer, which would've meant you'd have felt worse when you dumped him.

STOP thinking of the good, and imagine yourself telling him you're going here/there and what his reaction would be. You've dodged a bullet OP, and this will get better very soon..I promise

I wouldn't be making plans for holidays with someone two months in to a relationship. You might not still even be together by the time the holiday came around. There seems to be a fair few conditions he wants to try an impose. Not everyone wants the pressure of text messages when out. He seems very needy and clingy. I'd have dumped his ass then . OP set your limitations and stick to them. Some men like the challenge of cracking the independent woman, as you've said there are some things he's done/said that you've questioned and second guessed yourself. I'd just continue to do your own thing when it suits you. That way if you do decide to kick him to the kerb, he'll have made very little impact on your life. Enjoy your holiday it sound like you deserve it.