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Original poster

Would you sleep the night at your ex’s house if you had a partner?

95 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 18:43

Hi all,

Just wondering, my ex is coming to stay at my house with my DD for a few days over Christmas. The DD is our child...

I’m curious as to whether he is with someone new. I don’t think I would do that if I had a partner.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 17/10/2019 18:45

Any rational person wouldn’t have a problem with it.

People that don’t trust their partners will get very excited by this

Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 18:47

I wouldnt and dp wouldnt.

But I suppose it depends. I have youngish kids with my exh. If this was something we had always done, before dp I would tell dp he needs be ok with it or we couldnt be couple. I would expect the same from him.

If this is a totally new thing out of the blue, that's different imo.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 17/10/2019 18:50

No, it wouldn't bother me. When I met exDP he had a 4 year old and was living 30 miles away, so when he went to see him in the evening it was often easier for him to stay there so he could take him to nursery the next day.

I never had an issue with it at all.

We have a 3 y/o DS and house is in both our names, we get in OK and he often comes over after work to see DS - sometimes he stays, sometimes he doesn't (is living with friends, so often times just wants some space) - neither of us have new boyfriend/girlfriend though, but if I did, I'd expect whoever I'm dating to be understanding of the situation. My DS is still very small and it's integral that he has this time with his dad.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 17/10/2019 18:51

I wouldn't have a problem with my partner doing this over Christmas. Christmas is about the kids, I'm quite happy to have a few days alone.

readitandwept · 17/10/2019 19:01

He hardly knows your DD, so why is he staying over at her home? That's the bigger question.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:05

He is coming over from oz, has met her once. He walked out when I was pregnant. Long story there. But he is spending three weeks over here visiting family and seeing his DD.

Initially I wasn’t going to do it. But then I thought it would be more relaxed him staying the night (on the sofa) as his family lives really far from us. He originally was going to stay in a hotel.

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:05

He hardly knows your DD, so why is he staying over at her home? That's the bigger question.

Have I missed something?

I thought he was the dd dad?

Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:06

Ah right. No he woilsnt be staying over anyway. I assumed he was an actual dad to her. Not just the bio father.

Christmas with a man she hardly knows? That's a bas idea. Regardless of what his partner thinks.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:10

He is the bio father and has been in contact for the past few years, I’ve been monitoring it gradually, it’s been a long process to get to this stage. I wouldn’t do it unless I felt comfortable with it.

My DD is still fairly young, and not really affected by it. I’ve kept the time he spend with her to a minimum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:11

Oh and he won’t actually be with us on Xmas day.

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:13

But this is the first time they have met properly?

No, I would have it. Especially at christmas time. To be fair, not anytime of the year.

readitandwept · 17/10/2019 19:13

I've read your numerous threads about this man. Him staying would be for your benefit, certainly not your DD's.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:14

They’ve met once before

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:14

Once? Well that makes all the difference Hmm

I cant eye roll hard enough.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:19

It’s not really a normally situation I know. But we live on the other side of the world to my ex. It’s not like he can pop over for weekends. We have regular m FaceTime calls in the lead up to this.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 17/10/2019 19:35

It’s not like he can pop over for weekends.

Stop making excuses. He left before she was even born and had nothing to do with her for 3 years. Set higher standards for your daughter, if not for yourself.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/10/2019 19:37

No.

And in your case, are you bloody mad?

SuchAToDo · 17/10/2019 19:39

I'd ask him to stay in a b&b nearby, so that he can pop by and leave and then pop by and leave...it will be too overwhelming for a child to have no father in her life to suddenly have a stranger staying with her who is her dad...set boundaries,

Windydaysuponus · 17/10/2019 19:40

Hell would freeze over before my ex would cross my threshold...

Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:41

He lives on the other side of the world because you refused to abort your dd.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:44

Hesafriend, no words. Are you being serious? Really? This is my child you are talking about.

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:47

Yes, exactly, your child. The child you love, carried alone and raised alone. And he fucked off because you wouldnt get an abortion.

He literally ran to the other side of the planet to avoid his child and any responsibility.

You have no words for me? But are sat wondering if he is dating anyone whilst getting ready to have him as a house guest?

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 17/10/2019 19:50

Ok my misunderstanding. Sorry I thought you meant I should have aborted my child, which is horrifying.

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 19:52

God no!!!! I honestly didn't mean that.

I am saying he is a waste of space who became very angry you wouldnt abort the baby and the fucked off.

The reason he doesnt spend much time with his child is because he chose to move away.

This is not going to have a happy ending for you or your child.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 17/10/2019 19:54

@Cherryblossom200 How weird your situation is exactly the same as what happened to me. Pregnant, I didn’t want an abortion and exDP lives in Australia whilst my DD and I are in the UK.
Except my DD is 9 now and her dad doesn’t want to meet her or even acknowledge her existence