This is my chosen void and I have come to scream

[meaninglesslife]

Like it says - not expecting any response, but really really need to scream somewhere

H of 20+ years is in the process of moving out. Part of me still thinks this is one giant bluff and I am supposed to beg him not to go, but I am not taking that (or any other) bait.

Last night, he decided that the evening after DD’s birthday outing would be an ideal time to get blind drunk (he could barely stand) and tell DD that “your mother takes drugs to get through the day” complete with elaborate mime of sniffing drugs. I am on low dose antidepressants and have been for a while. He is an alcoholic but will not acknowledge it. He then went on to threaten me with a leather belt and hold on to my ponytail when I tried to walk away (both out of sight and hopefully sound of DC) before crashing around the house for a while and finally passing out on bathroom floor.

I am a loss as to how to protect (teenage) DC from the worst of this. Alcohol is absolutely at the root of most of the problems and they are unfortunately all too aware of that already.

Anyway. As I said. Screaming into convenient void, as I have no one to talk to in RL.

I think I may have stumbled on a SHL - lots of sensible, pragmatic advice. (and an unofficial opinion that H needs to grow the fuck up😂)

Yay for the SHL!!! Well done you ! Hope it's left you feeling a little stronger

Excellent! Having a SHL makes a huge drop fference, emotionally as well as practically/financially.

You are doing so brilliantly! Keep it going, eyes on the prize - your freedom from this awful specimen and a peaceful home with your DC.

Great! I echo what the PP says - sometimes you need that outside, professional opinion that your husband is a huge bastard

SHL confirmed my view that whilst running away with the DC for the weekend is tempting, the risk that it would antagonise H and that he would then trash and/or take stuff whilst we were gone is too high. Phone at hand and ready to make an exit if he starts drinking, yes, but otherwise best to grit teeth and stick around.

Not sure how much longer my stress levels can take this. I have been holding my breath for him leaving today, but it now appears that for oh-so-very-reasonable reasons the process of him leaving is going to take all week. Permanently living on the edge is doing my head in, even though he has been sober and silent all weekend. I just want to retreat under my duvet until it’s all over, but that’s not an option.

Well I think we probably all saw this coming.
He will torture you for as long as he possibly can.
So he's starting to move his things out today?
And then it's going to take the rest of the week?
Is that correct?
Or is there a delay with the place he is going to?

I doubt he'd be able to keep up the pretence all week.. remain strong, poker face on 🙌 he will be gone soon enough.

No reaction, OP. Come and scream at us but just nod and smile (just the nod will do, if you can’t do the smile). Stay out of any logistics. Grey rock.

Got it in one, hellsbells. Can’t get a van until Wednesday, blah blah..

I am not (visibly) reacting at all but it’s driving me nuts (and DC are both home for half term, of course)

Are you managing to stay out ? Persuade kids to be busy ? Have you been able to put personal items of yours away so he's not tempted to destroy/steal sabotage? Fingers all crossed for you this week

OK, so H and DS have spent all day shuttling H’s stuff to his new place.

Apart from whatever will have been drip fed to poor DS throughout, which I will deal with later, so far, so good.

H wants to talk about DCs birthdays, Christmas, etc tomorrow (both DC otherwise occupied). I have asked DC to think about what they want and will talk to them tonight, but any thoughts on what might be considered reasonable (bearing in mind that I am feeling anything but) would be very welcome.

So is he sleeping st the new house tonight?

What did the kids say they wanted?

How do you feel about it?

Yes, H is at his new place, and my stress levels are slowly subsiding.

DC not forthcoming about what they want. H and I agreed to let it sit for a while before deciding.

Thank fuck for that!

I know you’re probably having mixed feelings, it’s not what any of us plans for our future, but given everything it’s for the best 🌷

He was being massively unreasonable wanting to discuss Christmas & Burthdsys etc today I’m glad he agreed to leave it for now

Try to find the positive things about him not being there and focus on those!🌷