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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband sending lots of messages to someone.

127 replies

Angie48 · 13/10/2019 17:21

Decided to check on DH's Web activity as spider senses tingling. His phone is linked to his ipad via Google Play which I'm sure he is not aware of.

I have seen lots of messages have been sent via Samsung Android Messaging. Lots late at night but also during the day when he's at work. Some even minutes after he's left the house. I was not aware he uses this App.

We use normal text messages to communicate. He also uses a few other apps to communicate with family and friends but they show up separately on his activity log.

He started wearing his wedding ring a few months ago which surprised me as for over 20 years he said he couldn't as it annoyed himHmm. He also has increased his gym sessions (he is going as I can see his location), general grooming, even putting moisturiser on his legs after his shower in the morning on a work day.

He is very interested in sex recently as well.
If he is fucking around with someone else it has to be at work in a cupboard somewhere Grin. He works on a massive distribution site keeping irregular hours due to the nature of the job.

The messages go back as far as July so far but probably further as haven't got that far yet. Even while we were on holiday.

I can't find an answer online as to whether Samsung messaging shows on the activity log if you send a normal text? He allows me to use his phone and is not secretive but I am wondering if he's hidden the App?

Any ideas?

OP posts:
lottelupin · 16/10/2019 23:21

could he be gay or bi?

Ha that bugger's not gay! He's down the gym, moisturising his LEGS on a WEEKDAY (or at all!!), and has a secret messaging app.

And is more interested in sex. Because is more sexed up. Because (sorry : ( is fucking someone else too and feeling like a stud. You are probably the No.1 in his harem, but he's also recruiting.

I'm sorry. It seems very clear.

lottelupin · 16/10/2019 23:24

Sorry I didn't totally read all the thread but ... he's just flexing his muscles.

We are all people and go through phases. I'm not sure what's good or bad. Not hurting someone, but still growing. Sometimes hard to achieve. Sounds like he loves you.

Original poster
Angie48 · 16/10/2019 23:27

He is denying setting up the account! Says the picture was taken from his Facebook profile (really a 'virus' was able to crop out out DS?) and I'm nuts!

I found a load of messages from Zoosk with women's likes by searching through his inbox from 2014. None recent though?

Any ideas?

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 23:27

OP found him on adating app lottelupin he's certainly been flexing something.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 23:28

Yeah a picture cropping virus. Sounds legit Hmm

NewYorkYankee · 16/10/2019 23:32

Ignore lottelupin - they've just been on another thread telling a lady whose husband fancies children to stay with him and treat it as a fetish.

fernandoanddenise · 16/10/2019 23:39

No dating site would do that it’s against GDPR. He signed up. He uploaded the pic.

granadagirl · 16/10/2019 23:42

He’s a shit head, 2014 that’s 5 yrs ago!!!!!

Inappropriatefemale · 16/10/2019 23:42

OP as a PP said then your oh was guaranteed to make something up and what he made up was in the list as said by pp, ‘someone else set it up’, what a shitty excuse, he clearly had no clue that you’d find anything out and after what he said to you about cheating being okay if the marriage was shit and that nobody owns anybody then this latest find just fits with what he thinks.

You don’t believe him with his latest excuse do you? I think he has been on dating sites and went with sex workers, sex workers are far less hassle than meeting women in the normal way, whatever he has done then you need to think about whether or not you can forgive him, I won’t judge if you do but I hope you don’t.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 23:43

Isn't it amazing how cheats 'explain'? "You're nuts" "a mate signed me up for a prank" "it was a virus" lie lie fucking lie.

Inappropriatefemale · 16/10/2019 23:44

NewYorkYankee what thread is this that you speak of where someone thinks paedophilic tendencies are a ‘fetish’?Angry

Inappropriatefemale · 16/10/2019 23:44

Yeah cheats telling their wives that wives are paranoid is awful and such a classic shitbag statement.

Original poster
Angie48 · 16/10/2019 23:51

I can't find him on it now.

I'm assuming he deleted his profile as soon as he checked my profile, thought it was me perhaps. I put my real dob and area ffs! What an idiot I am. I had his email open to check if any notification that I had liked him went to it but nothing had so assuming he had his account linked to a different one?

Could his info really not have been picked up from Facebook? He had some smartpicks sent to him though and you have to actually pick stuff to get that from what I've just seen?

He's laughing with teenagers downstairs as if nothing has happened!

OP posts:
MummytoCSJH · 16/10/2019 23:56

Why on earth did you tell him what you were looking for and then use your real info on the site Confused sorry OP but I'm sure you know this is over. Please don't stay with him. I hate to sound harsh but for lack of a better phrase if you did stay after this then you would be a total mug. I know you are devastated right now and you might think it's not what you need to hear but I think you need a kick up the bum - the fact is your gut was right and hopefully you are NOT a mug and you will leave for your own sake. You deserve better than this. Thanks

MummytoCSJH · 16/10/2019 23:58

And no, it can't have been Facebook or a virus. The account has been deliberately set up. I know you're hoping for a good explanation but the truth is there isn't one. Sorry again Sad

Inappropriatefemale · 16/10/2019 23:59

OP I know that you desperately want to believe him, who wouldn’t in your position but you were the one that knew something was up with all the dodgy stuff and this is what led you to snoop in the first place, please don’t turn a blind eye and pretend that you think it was all set up because you know the truth, and mix that in with what he said yesterday then the shoe fits.

He is sitting laughing with kids because he is pretending that it wasn’t him and he obviously thinks your buying this, please don’t.

prawnsword · 17/10/2019 00:10

the old “I was hacked” excuse. This is not how hackers work. Hackers want money. The profile is his. He is bold faced lying to you.

NewYorkYankee · 17/10/2019 00:18

@Inappropriatefemale it's called Husband Fancies Schoolgirls

Nillynally · 17/10/2019 00:21

This sounds so dodgy OP! You need to make a well thought out plan to catch him out again!

Original poster
Angie48 · 17/10/2019 00:27

Well I've been able to open 'his' Zoosk account via Facebook as I have his account on my phone with mine. He has no purchase history and the account has not even been subscribed. You can see a bit of DS in the larger profile picture on it. WTAF!

I don't know what the hell to think.

OP posts:
TheNumberOneSourceOfEverything · 17/10/2019 00:30

How stupid do some men think their wives are. Hackers don't go round stealing data to set up and pay for accounts on dating websites, porn sites and sex work sites like I've seen.

I'd call his bluff and suggest phoning the police to report it, you said you had to pay to send him a a message so he must have been paying to do the same? Surely if someone has been stealing your debit card and using it to create fake profiles and pay to send messages to women on dating sites he'd be worried about what else these hackers can do with his money now he knows they can access his bank? Tell him the police could easily clear it up by the IP address used.

He'd also have to cancel his card with his bank if it actually had been compromised and the fact he's not panicking about money being stolen kind of says it all.

I'm so sorry OP. Thanks

Inappropriatefemale · 17/10/2019 00:34

Thanks NewYork

gamerchick · 17/10/2019 00:35

I don't know what the hell to think

Well, I can tell you what I think OP. If you put this much energy into trying to find evidence of him fucking about then your relationship is over. Even if he isn't doing anything.

You don't trust him, it's the end.

Inappropriatefemale · 17/10/2019 00:44

OP you can say that you believe what he says but the truth is is that you will never trust him again, every time he isn’t with you then you’ll be wondering what he is up too, you’ll be run ragged trying to be a good wife, a better wife etc, etc, as if it’s your fault that he cheats. This is no way to live.

I think what works for me is this; when I’m with a guy, as in together at home or just together out and about somewhere, and then when he is out of the house or just not physically with me, and I trust him then this means I absolutely do trust him, but when I only trust him when I’m with him and don’t when he isn’t, then this means I don’t trust him and the relationship is doomed, I think this will be the case here.

As a pp said then mention to him that he should call the police, after all if he has been hacked then who knows what info the hackers have, make out like you believe what he is saying 100% and look deadpan when your mentioning the police, pretend that you think the hackers could have your home address, you know the home where you live with your kids, make out like your questioning if they’re safe and keep going on about it until he either does call the police therefore wasting their time by making a dummy complaint, or he loses it and shouts out ‘okay okay, it wasn’t a hacker’, which is what he definitely won’t do, imo then a man that lies about cheating when confronted with the truth is even worse than a man that cheats yet admits it.

Original poster
Angie48 · 17/10/2019 00:57

Can I just ask if anyone uses these sites, if it could be that he was subscribed in 2014 for almost the whole year, then he stopped paying the subscription? In his emails there were lots saying x sent you a message but there is only one currently on there which was mine and can't be opened until he's subscribed. So he must have been able to open the previous ones then, so definitely had a previous subscription?

I'm on the sofa tonight. I can't stand the sight of him. Problem is I have no actual hard evidence other than message activity which could have been sent by his phone randomly as I have found various articles about it, and an online dating profile which may have been taken by the website itself from his Facebook (found an article on that too!). He is furiousHmm and if I am wrong, I think I'm just giving him an excuse to do what I'm accusing him of!

OP posts:
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