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Original poster

DP going away over Christmas

104 replies

Bigmango · 13/10/2019 08:07

So we are spending Christmas at my mum’s with our dd. Dp has been offered chance of a lifetime to watch football in directors box with club owner etc etc on Boxing Day. It’s a couple of hours drive from my mums so we agreed he would stay the night up there. We are going own quite a few days before Christmas so I said fine as we will get lots of time with him. He has just said now that he’d like to stay an extra night as his friend who lives there wants to take him out and show him the city. My initial reaction was hell no, you’re being a massive CF for considering it. But now I’m not so sure. He has been away once since dd born so it’s definitely not a regular occurrence. It’s just I feel like it’s still Christmas period so is sacred. BUT he never gets time of work and has 2 weeks off. And really I guess this is easier than going away for a weekend as I will be at my mum’s. I just can’t shake the feeling that he is taking the piss. Argh I don’t know. I don’t want to agree and the resent him, but I don’t want to say no when actually it’s quite a reasonable request. Opinions please?!

OP posts:
chamenanged · 13/10/2019 08:14

I don't really understand what you're saying. If you think it's a reasonable request why would you stop him? If you just want to say no on principle I think that would be a bit controlling. When are you both going back to work?

user1471504234 · 13/10/2019 08:30

Not everyone is so bothered about Christmas, and you have someone else to spend it with anyway. I’d let him go, especially if it is a big deal for him.

adaline · 13/10/2019 08:32

It's one day away out of 14.

What's the problem, exactly?

NancyJoan · 13/10/2019 08:35

It’s not Christmas, though, it’s Boxing Day. It wouldn’t bother me, but it maybe bothers you.

Livelovebehappy · 13/10/2019 08:38

I’d be fine with it op if it’s a one off situation, which sounds like it is.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/10/2019 08:40

It's a reasonable request.

ZenNudist · 13/10/2019 08:40

How old is dd? A baby and he wont be missing much (sorry) and you can have a nice time with your parents. Older and it would be sad to miss sharing the experience.

I assume you like your mum as you are going for such a long time over Christmas so there is no issues there with you needing support?

You say its once in a lifetime and hes not been away much on his own. So you think its fair in that respect. But you also think he has an obligation to spend Christmas with you.

You can arrange some time off from dd to compensate later.

quincejamplease · 13/10/2019 08:42

You are being selfish and unreasonable.

Fiacla · 13/10/2019 08:44

Are you saying he will be leaving on Christmas Day and spending the night before the match away, or that he’s leaving Boxing Day morning and spending that night away?

GreasyFryUp · 13/10/2019 08:48

Christmas is overrated. If that aspect is the only thing that's an issue, let it go. Can you and your mum book something special?

GeneHuntLover · 13/10/2019 08:49

As long as it's not Christmas day then I'd be fine with it

Lucked · 13/10/2019 08:51

So he wants to stay the nights of the 26th-28th?

I think that is okay, he is not missing Christmas or New Year.

GeoffreyAndBungle · 13/10/2019 08:53

So he's going to watch a Boxing Day match and stay over Boxing Day evening?

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me, (and a fab experience!) - why would you not want him to go?

Barbarara · 13/10/2019 08:53

I’d be hurt OP and conflicted. I had a similarish situation a few years ago where I felt very unreasonable objecting to dh’s plans but it diminished my respect for him a bit as a husband and father.
At the time I didn’t voice my feelings for fear of being perceived as unreasonable and controlling but I think that was a mistake. Since then I’ve worked on being able to speak up about my feelings and we both make an effort to talk things through. The outcome would probably have been the same but I think in a strong marriage, you have to have your eyes open to the way your choices affect your partner. We can’t always be perfectly aligned, and at various times we have to put each other’s dreams and desires first.
He’s not a single man and his actions impact on his family so he should be aware of that when he’s making his decisions. So talk to him about it.

missmouse101 · 13/10/2019 08:54

God, I'd love it. Him buggering off, bed etc to myself.

Nanna50 · 13/10/2019 08:56

He never has time off work and is going away for 2 nights out of 14 days off instead of 1 night. Why would you resent this?

If you were going away overnight and decided to make it two nights would he resent you?

Is he going to be with you Christmas night and going away Boxing Day?

insanepizza · 13/10/2019 08:58

I'd have no problem, what a lovely opportunity for him. He's still spending Christmas with you, he has two weeks off and is spending the rest of the time with you. So important that we have our own hobbies and interests.

Inforthelonghaul · 13/10/2019 09:00

If you’re together for Christmas Day itself then I wouldn’t have an issue with it. You will be with your Mum so won’t be on your own and the days between Christmas and New Year are usually a bit of a nothing time anyway. It’s just an extra day not a fortnight in Barbados.

BaronessBomburst · 13/10/2019 09:00

For goodness sake! Let the poor man go with your blessing. He's already spending his Christmas break with your family so let him have two nights off to enjoy what he wants to do.

IfYouWannaComeBack · 13/10/2019 09:04

So he’s going up Boxing Day and coming home on 27th? He’s spending Christmas Day and night with you then?
I honestly don’t see what the issue is. Your language is very over the top and emotionally charged Hmm “Christmas is sacred”... unless you’re a devout Christian who celebrates Christmas for its true meaning, rather presents and eating turkey then YADBU to use ridiculous language like that.
Assuming that:
He’s there for actual Christmas Day anyway.
It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It’s a one off, he rarely goes out.
He’s a good dad and father in other ways

You would be completely unreasonable to stop him from going.

Also @Barbarara it diminished my respect for him a bit as a husband and father
Really? A perfectly reasonable request for a once in a lifetime opportunity on Boxing Day would make you lose respect for your husband?! You sound like hard work Shock

Interestedwoman · 13/10/2019 09:05

I'm a bit confused as to which extra night he's planning to stay over. IMO he should definitely spend xmas day with you- it's a family day. He could travel to the other place on xmas night if need be. I wouldn't think it as good if he were to go on xmas eve and be away xmas day.

billybagpuss · 13/10/2019 09:05

I take it it will be the day after Boxing Day so the 27th he wants to spend with his friend not Christmas Day itself?

If so yabvu our sole targets for that day are to get up, wear proper clothes, have an argument with DD as to whether pjs constitute proper clothes and try and eat something that isn’t chocolate. There’s no point trying to do anything as everywhere is ridiculously busy so why shouldn’t he spend some quality time with a friend.

AudacityOfHope · 13/10/2019 09:06

Why can't he go and do something fun for himself?Confused

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/10/2019 09:07

Will his nights away be Boxing Day and the day after? If that's a yes then I'd not see an issue with it.

billybagpuss · 13/10/2019 09:08

I may have misunderstood that he wanted to stay the extra night to go out the next day but even so if you’ve already agreed to him going to the football what difference does a few extra hours make?