DP going away over Christmas

[Bigmango]

So we are spending Christmas at my mum’s with our dd. Dp has been offered chance of a lifetime to watch football in directors box with club owner etc etc on Boxing Day. It’s a couple of hours drive from my mums so we agreed he would stay the night up there. We are going own quite a few days before Christmas so I said fine as we will get lots of time with him. He has just said now that he’d like to stay an extra night as his friend who lives there wants to take him out and show him the city. My initial reaction was hell no, you’re being a massive CF for considering it. But now I’m not so sure. He has been away once since dd born so it’s definitely not a regular occurrence. It’s just I feel like it’s still Christmas period so is sacred. BUT he never gets time of work and has 2 weeks off. And really I guess this is easier than going away for a weekend as I will be at my mum’s. I just can’t shake the feeling that he is taking the piss. Argh I don’t know. I don’t want to agree and the resent him, but I don’t want to say no when actually it’s quite a reasonable request. Opinions please?!

Barbarara
I’d be hurt OP and conflicted that's a bit dramatic because someone is taking 2 nights out of FOURTEEN staying with the in-laws, I'm assuming that you both have a really great relationship with your parents as that's a long, long time!

YABU and a bit ridiculous

You really do sound odd OP. Christmas is sacred? Maybe Christmas day for Christians.

So when would he actually be away?

Tbh if you have Christmas lunch together then that's OK isn't it?

Lots of people work between Christmas Day & New Year-starting on Boxing Day!

It's fine. If it was a regular thing I'd probably ask that he does it another time but it's tagging on to a special treat and killing two birds with one stone.
Tell him to have a lovely break.

Lots of people work Christmas day too!

Unless it's Christmas Day, I don't see the problem.

He’s “taking the piss” because he wants two nights away? Are you always this clingy? Is this the first time in your entire marriage that he’s ever been “allowed” away on his own? Holy crap I’m surprised he didn’t bail out years ago!

You sound selfish OP it's not as if your going to be alone over the Christmas period.

You say he never has time off why cant you let him unwind for once and have something for himself?

He is also taking you away before Christmas good grief nice men are hard to come by

Plus the fact, did you actually ask him if he wanted to spend his entire Christmas break at his PILs or did you just assume? I’m not surprised the poor bloke wants a couple of nights respite! (And I’m the furthest thing from a what about the poor menz poster 😂)

Of course he should go. You say he works hard so why would you begrudge him a night away with his friends after he’s spent Christmas Day with your family?

All this Christmas is sacred is very precious and controlling. Christmas will be over by then anyway for one thing and he’s an adult and shouldn’t be controlled by another.

How much time over the festive period are you expecting him to spend at your mums house?

You sound selfish TBH, its all about you isnt it.

It sounds like he works hard if he doesnt get time off, so fgs let him go and enjoy himself a bit.

I think you are being the CF if I am honest. He is a grown man.

Let him go with good grace, it's the only decent thing to do.

My DH is going overseas to see his family leaving me home alone with dc for 2 weeks over Christmas. I have no family. It’s just how things are in life. I’ve planned loads of fun things with the dcs, we’ll miss him but there we go. Woman up!

Why do you think that the Christmas period is ‘sacred’? Genuine question.

I don’t think you mean in a religious sense (even if you did, a devout person would want to go to church more often, but that’s about it; no stipulations on the movements of family members).

Have you been brainwashed by department store Christmas adverts into thinking that the entire period between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day must consist of families staying together, beaming beatifically at each other by the light of the Christmas tree?

Have you always thought like this, or is it the birth of your daughter that has made you think that your family should behave according to this template?

If so, step back. You’re making a rod for your own back...and your husband’s! Seriously, stop thinking that you have to behave in a certain way. You don’t. I really like Christmas but if my husband got a chance to watch Man United play, from the director’s box, on Christmas Day (I know that your DH’s offer is for Boxing Day, and that no matches are played on the 25th, this is just an example), or my my birthday, or our anniversary, I’d encourage him to go.

Don't make it in to a big deal, it really isn't one. He will be with you most of Christmas and you said yourself it's a once in a lifetime chance.
You will still be with your family, don't sulk about it just know he's going to love it and be happy.
My hubby works in the emergency services so works a lot of Christmas, just make the time you have special x

"Sacred"?

It's Christmas, not the last time you'll ever see him. They happen every year, and in fact can even be held on a different day if you wanted, say if someone had got a one-off invite to go somewhere really exciting and special.

With all kindness, get over yourself and enjoy celebrating another day.

If he’s leaving on Boxing Day I’d have no problem with it, I don’t think I’d be happy if he was leaving on Christmas Day. Boxing Day matches don’t usually kick off til lunchtime so there’s no reason why he can’t leave on Boxing Day morning anyway.

Honestly OP - give him your blessing and wave him off with a smile. It’s not an unreasonable request and it sounds like he really wants to do this - it doesn’t sound CFery at all. Would you rather “say no” and him secretly hold it against you or tell him to go and have a great time then he comes back happy and looking forward to telling you all about it. Plus you get brownie points for going away with your friends in the near future

Let him do it and have an amazing once in a lifetime experience.

Don't forget to arrange a night or two away too.

You described it as a chance of a lifetime, so let him have the full day day without having to worry about cutting it short to do the two hour journey back to your Mums at a reasonable time. He may as well make the most of it, it's not going to make much difference if he's back late on Boxing Day or mid morning/early afternoon the day after. Be supportive, and expect him to be supportive to you when you get the chance to do something fun that might inconvenience him.

I would say that this is your gift to him.......and he had better appreciate it!
😋😋😋

He sounds nice. Don’t give him grief.

I think it sounds okay. He’ll get to enjoy his trip and the football and you’ll be spending time with your mum - I’m sure she’ll love having you and DD to herself.

You’re not being remotely selfish or unreasonably to think about what arrangements work for all of you - no idea why people are being so strident and critical, you’re only asking! But it’ll be fine and you’re having lots of time together as a family before over over Christmas.