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Original poster

DP going away over Christmas

104 replies

Bigmango · 13/10/2019 08:07

So we are spending Christmas at my mum’s with our dd. Dp has been offered chance of a lifetime to watch football in directors box with club owner etc etc on Boxing Day. It’s a couple of hours drive from my mums so we agreed he would stay the night up there. We are going own quite a few days before Christmas so I said fine as we will get lots of time with him. He has just said now that he’d like to stay an extra night as his friend who lives there wants to take him out and show him the city. My initial reaction was hell no, you’re being a massive CF for considering it. But now I’m not so sure. He has been away once since dd born so it’s definitely not a regular occurrence. It’s just I feel like it’s still Christmas period so is sacred. BUT he never gets time of work and has 2 weeks off. And really I guess this is easier than going away for a weekend as I will be at my mum’s. I just can’t shake the feeling that he is taking the piss. Argh I don’t know. I don’t want to agree and the resent him, but I don’t want to say no when actually it’s quite a reasonable request. Opinions please?!

OP posts:
JenniferM1989 · 13/10/2019 09:42

So he's leaving early boxing day and staying away boxing day night and the 27th? Then coming back on the 28th? That isn't Christmas to me

Mum4Fergus · 13/10/2019 09:47

I'd not have an issue with it. Christmas is hardly 'sacred' anymore...it's a few days of commercial twaddle. You have 2 weeks together, makes plans for the rest of the days.

NameChangeNugget · 13/10/2019 09:51

You are being massively unreasonable

Parky04 · 13/10/2019 09:54

Blimey YABU. If I was your DH I would be extremely pissed off if you said no. In fact I would seriously consider the relationship. He does deserve some time to himself as do you.

Bouffalant · 13/10/2019 09:55

I think it sounds fine. He'll be with you Christmas Eve/day won't he?

I don't see the problem with him being away for 2 days, sounds like he'll have a great time at the football.

MrsMozartMkII · 13/10/2019 09:59

Gosh!

I've NRTFT, but even I would be saying go and enjoy it. I'd be in such a grump if the tables were turned and I was stopped from going or made to feel bad about it.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2019 09:59

Yabu

funnylittlefloozie · 13/10/2019 10:03

My partner is working Christmas Day, although he managed to get Boxing Day off. He is also working quite a few days between Christmas and New Year.

Enjoy your Christmas together, and wave him off on Boxing Day. Then you can enjoy a couple of days with your parents in peace. Honestly, it will be nice.

Whoops75 · 13/10/2019 10:03

He should go.

Would be different if he was leaving you alone.

diddl · 13/10/2019 10:06

"Don't forget to arrange a night or two away too."

Why?

percheron67 · 13/10/2019 10:09

I would not object. Better by far than husband taking off on Boxing Day to spend time with ex-wife. That did and would hurt.

nomoreclue · 13/10/2019 10:12

Christmas period is sacred? What? Why? Weird. I’d have no problem with it. I don’t get to see my family much over xmas. We do a pretend xmas a week early. It’s fab. We have a blast. Just do whatever celebrating you require on a different day. I think you’re being a bit emo drama and weird to be honest. He’s got the chance of a lifetime here. That trumps a random day. Are you a bishop? Do you go to church every Sunday? If not then get over yourself. Seriously. Grow up. You have a right to be “sacred” about xmas if you go to church every Sunday, if you don’t then shut up and let the man live his dream.

SprinkleDash · 13/10/2019 10:15

@Bigmango it would be really shitty to begrudge him an extra night! It’s a great opportunity and why shouldn’t he make the most of it.

chuffoff · 13/10/2019 10:23

By your own admission, he hasn't been out since your dd was born. Is it that it's Christmas or the fact that you feel if you consent to this (perfectly reasonable) request, it might be opening the door more regular trips away in future?

Original poster
Bigmango · 13/10/2019 10:23

Don’t worry, the “poor man” gets lots of nights out when I’m not chaining him to the radiator. Just hasn’t had a weekend away since last year (our daughter is 18 months and we have a puppy so life is pretty full on). Even though I’ll have extra help, the two babies will still both ultimately be my responsibility and it will be extra work. I’m a sahm and are with them both all week so live for weekends and holidays when I can share the burden a bit. Oh also he will be taking the car as it’s too far a journey to take 2 cars to my mums.

Yeah I’m retrospect it does sound fair and I am probably being unreasonable thinking about saying no. But we are a new family, still working out how these things all work. He has been known to take the piss in the past and it’s put my defences up a bit I guess.

And I am booking a weekend away too Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigmango · 13/10/2019 10:29

@AnneLovesGilbert thanks, I didn’t think I was being such a massive dick either but apparently I am.

OP posts:
CooperLooper · 13/10/2019 10:29

I'd be fine with my husband doing this, I don't think it's unreasonable. And I agree with your plans - bank one weekend away for yourself in return!

Original poster
Bigmango · 13/10/2019 10:30

@chuffoff of course he’s been out! Just not away for 2 nights or more.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 13/10/2019 10:31

Ah, all is well then. Yes definitely don't let him take the piss but the footy deal is a one off and you're booking yourself a weekend break too!

TitianaTitsling · 13/10/2019 10:32

the two babies do you have 2 DC or are you including the puppy? Surely if you are with your family they will want to spend time and help with the DC?

Oldraver · 13/10/2019 10:34

It's only two days out of 14, after Christmas, I f Dad not think he's being a CF

adaline · 13/10/2019 10:37

Does he want to spend all his annual leave staying with his in-laws?!

ExcitedForFuture · 13/10/2019 10:42

Are you including the puppy as a baby Confused? And you say new family, is he not the dad to your 18 month old then?

I think he should go. He has 2 weeks off which means you get 12 days to share the load. Him taking 2 nights is not a big deal, especially as you'll be at your mums.

Ninkaninus · 13/10/2019 10:45

I think it’s a reasonable request and I’d be happy for my OH to have the extra night away. As far as I can tell he’s taken pains to check with you if it would be okay, rather than letting you know after the fact that he’s decided he’s going to do this, and it doesn’t sound like he’s a deadbeat dad/manchild/selfish, entitled dick who does what the fuck he wants all the time without considering your feelings or his parenting responsibilities.

But you should definitely book yourself a weekend away too. It’s a great way to have complete rest and recharge! 👍

Blossie0 · 13/10/2019 10:45

YANBU but also everyone deserves and needs a bit of time off so if you are happy you would cope then it sounds like a lovely break for him...however make sure he makes the same gesture to you. You also deserve some me time.