Pregnant with ex-boyfriend's baby - his mum wants to meet me for coffee. Do I go?

[Idontknowwhattodo2]

So I'm 12 weeks pregnant and the father of my baby, who was with for just under a year, left me around four weeks ago. His mother did not like me and made things very difficult for me during my pregnancy as she did not want the child or for my ex to be a dad, and when he split with me, a lot of what he said had come from her mouth. The whole family deleted me off of all social media and his mother posted some very nasty things about me online, and I hadn't heard from them since. The baby's dad blocked me on everything, and so I assumed they all wanted nothing to do with it.

I haven't been in contact with them but decided to go through with the pregnancy alone because it is a much wanted baby - a miracle baby as I thought I couldn't have children! I had my 12 week scan yesterday and everything was amazing, baby so healthy, moving around like crazy. And so I decided to announce online that I was expecting, and have had so many supportive messages.

But then today I woke up to a message from my ex's mum (still no contact from him), who had obviously seen my post (not sure if she's looking at my facebook or if someone else told her, we don't have any friends in common), and she messaged me being extra nice, asking if we could chat, that she'd be very grateful if I met with her.

I know she's my baby's biological grandmother but I just don't know what to think? I would never want to stop the dad having anything to do with our baby but he has made it clear - and still is - that he isn't having anything to do with it. The mother has treated me appallingly and my own family are very upset that she has messaged because she caused me a lot of stress and upset.

I'm not sure whether to go and give her a chance? It kind of feels awkward as the dad still hasn't got in touch, and I also have only just come to terms with the fact I'm doing it alone and yesterday was such a happy, special day for me that I just don't want to be dragged down to where I was a few weeks ago.

Do I go, or do I say no?

Not sure about the mother. Maybe a phone call first and take it from there.
Please make sure you apply for child maintenance from him. Just because he chooses not to be in this babies life does not absolve his financial responsibility.

I would not put his name on the birth certificate. Leave it blank.

I have a close friend who has to beg and plead to get permission from the father of her DC to take her DC on holiday. He enjoys holding it over her and she’s had to cancel trips in the past as he doesn’t want to give permission because she won’t do what he wants. One time he even told her he’d alert the police if she took her DC on holiday that she’d kidnapped him.

Fuckface never takes his DC on holiday tho.

I don’t imagine for a single second that she’s suddenly had a personality transplant, do you?

Well said. Please Op. dwell on the above line.

I would meet up for coffee I would also take a friend with me and record the whole conversation. Then if it does go badly you have proof for future situation that may occur

You have absolutely no reason to meet this woman. She has no rights and from looking at your OP sounds truly awful. If there is anyone that should be reaching out to discuss there DC it’s her DS. I would be very cautious getting involved with a family like that especially with the mum who used social media to slag you off. Just awful and I have a horrible they are the kind of family where it’s blood is thicker than water and try and get the DC off you once it’s born.... wouldn’t trust her

You have to go and then report back what it was all about!

I’m so nosy I would meet her only to find out what she wanted.

The idea of a grandchild may have changed her perspective.

I don’t know.

I think I would have the meeting with a trusted supporter and hear here out. Make no promises to her and then you’ll have all the information to make a decision about what next.

However only you know how bad things were so...maybe she is too toxic to meet?

Congratulations on your baby.

Nope.

If you want to know what she wants then say your mum/sister/friend will meet her and give her a hearing and feedback to you if it’s worth hearing.

Wow some nasty comments here.she is your baby's grandmother and may be going to offer support.

I wouldn't personally, no.

You have another six months of pregnancy and all it entails, the last thing you need is to add them lot to your list of worries and stressors.

You don't need to reply but if you want to then maybe say you will revisit the possibility once the baby is born but you're not making any promises.

Don’t go OP.

She looking to establish contact so she can have access to the baby when its born. She has no interest in you or being friends with you. All she wants is access to her grandchild now that she knows it’s definitely happening.

Don’t go.

Not one of us knows what the woman's motive is. Neither do we know precisely what she said about the op in the earlier stages.

I think she should be given a chance. If it doesn't work out, the op will be no worse off.

Not one of us knows what the woman's motive is.

Realistically, how many motives is she likely to have? There really is only one. She wants to get on OPs good side so that she can see the baby when it’s born. It’s hardly like she has just decided she wants to be OPs friend is it?

This woman has shown you that she is a thug and hates you.

Keep yourself out of punching distance.

You and your child do not need to have your lives polluted by these people.

You need to learn that vile people like her will never have yours or your baby’s best interests at heart - she will manipulate and bully you. Don’t let this happen.

Go. She has had time to really think about the situation and is probably regretting saying the things she has.
I have been through the exact same - a LOT changed as soon as my son was born. I gave them all the chance and we are all (including his dad) very good friends.
Sometimes the fight isn't worth it. I put my son before my feelings and it has all fallen into place.
As much as it will hurt you to go and hear her out, it could all work out in the end.
You won't know unless you go xx

Realistically, how many motives is she likely to have? There really is only one. She wants to get on OPs good side so that she can see the baby when it’s born.

Or she wants to pressurise OP into terminating.

I think the fact that OP has announced it on FB makes it unlikely she’ll pressure her into terminating. It’s public news now and OP will have announced it as happy news so I doubt she’ll expect any chance of terminating.

She either wants to establish a relationship or she wants assurances OP won’t be perusing her son for child support.

Just reply back and say you can't see much point, as she's already made her opinions clear. If she's got something nice to say about her future grandchild, she can message you.

Nope. I'd just not reply. Then gives you scope to pretend you never received the text if she ever bumps into you.
Look after yourself. They've had their chances to be involved. Things might change later on but for now enjoy your pregnancy.

I'd say no. She's slagged you off publicly for everyone to see. I'd also be wary of why she wants to meet, why is she suddenly been nice but still no word from the baby's dad?

Completely up to you OP but I agree with a PP if you do go, take a friend or your mum with you.

I'd go, just so I could set the story straight about her precious son. What kind of man walks away from his baby?
I'd ignore those who say not to put the father on the birth certificate, you'll want to be paid maintenance presumably. But saying that I think he would have to be there at registering the birth to be on it.