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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just Found out he lied

51 replies

summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 16:37

Hi im after a bit of advice on how to deal with something I've just found out, I'm absolutely seething right now and don't want to do anything stupid.

My partner text me yesterday to say he was going to be working late and would I mind seeing to his dog which was fine. Anyway, he puts the hours he works on his calender and I've noticed today and he's put that he worked till his normal time yesterday. I have no idea how to confront him about this or what to say to him as I'm so furious.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/10/2019 16:41

Seriously?

Maybe it he did it before he went to work
Or maybe it’s just habit?

Asking him would be the logical step.

He’d have to be pretty fucking STUPID to write that on a calendar you can see

Cherrypicker01 · 09/10/2019 16:43

I wouldn’t jump to conclusions here it could have been an innocent mistake. If he was lying he’d definitely make sure he’d trace his steps.

Is the calendar visible for all to see? Is it a home one or a computerised one?

MrsDemeanor · 09/10/2019 16:44

My partner is forever having issues with his work hours because he forgets what hes meant to do vs what hes agreed to do vs what hes done. I know for a fact he hasn't been lying as hes been with me or on the phone at the normal time etc on days hes got it wrong.

Is he normally forgetful? Does he often dispute his pay because he knows it's wrong but cant remember what hours hes worked to resolve it?

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 16:46

I know he did it last night when he got home as he also told me he was at work at 7am and he's put 10.30am on the calendar. It's a paper one on the wall in the kitchen so I go in there to feed his dog and just happened to notice it.

Not sure if he's up to something but I know he definately lied about the morning as he rang me to say he'd left his phone at home so had to go back, I now know this is bullshit.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 09/10/2019 16:49

Don't be furious, it's probably just be one of those things, he forgot to write it on, or didn't know he was going to be working late until notice was short, and he didn't have chance to add it. I think my calendar is still on August :)

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 16:50

He writes all his hours on the calendar as he's always going in late or taking days off, he's not very reliable at all. He's text me at 5 saying he didn't know what time he would be back, he normally finishes at 5.30. Dead on 5.30 his phone was switched off, no location services or anything, then he rang me when he allegedly left work but location wasn't switched back on until he was home. We share our location on maps due to the nature of our jobs, mine is always on as I have nothing to hide.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 09/10/2019 16:50

Why would he lie about the phone? :/ What would be his motivation?

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 16:52

He lied because I rang him at 6.30 to make sure he was up for work and he promised he was and was about to leave, he's got a history of going in late or not at all and is about to lose his job, that's why he lied as he knew I'd be pissed.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 09/10/2019 16:54

Maybe he had a doctor’s appointment or some other sort of personal appointment to go to in the morning? And then because he got in late he had to work later.

I would obviously tell my dh where I actually was because we live together, but I’m not sure I would have been so precise about exactly where I was to him when we were dating and not living together. By itself it doesn’t sound suspicious.

MzHz · 09/10/2019 16:57

he's got a history of going in late or not at all and is about to lose his job, that's why he lied as he knew I'd be pissed.

Yay, another woman putting up with a completely idiotic and pathetic waste of time

You’re not his mum, bin him and find a real man!

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 17:02

@MzHz
Best piece of advice ever.

I know he had no appointments as they all go on his calendar too and his phone is permanently glued to his hand so he'd never leave it at home.

He's never kept a job very long but always blames other people, he can't see he's the only one responsible.

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 09/10/2019 17:10

He clearly can't be a responsible adult so clearly can't be in a responsible adult relationship. He is showing you who he is.

Juells · 09/10/2019 17:12

He's a star. Hmm

SurfingGiantess · 09/10/2019 17:13

Just ask... and if he's not capable of keeping a job because he gets in late all the time he's not a great catch anyway.
Not much to loose really... unless you want to baby him.

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 17:32

Currently sat at his waiting for him getting in from work as I now have other questions for him to answer as I've picked his post up coming through the door and have seen something else rather disturbing.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 09/10/2019 17:35

How long have you been together? Do you have a key to his house?

BuildBuildings · 09/10/2019 17:41

Do you live together? How long have you been together? He's sounding a bit un trustworthy.

Cheeseandwin5 · 09/10/2019 17:43

Its his job and his responsibility, I dont understand why you want to get involved in this unless you have issues with control.
Also your first post says he wrote he left at normal time instead of late as he told you- so my question is why have you brought up about him going into work late? It makes no sense to your original post/query.
I think maybe you should leave this relationship- I dont think you are at all suited and probably this relationship will turn sour very quickly.

SevenStones · 09/10/2019 17:48

This all sounds really tedious.

Do you really want to spend your time mothering another fully grown adult human because they can't take responsibility for themselves?

coconuttelegraph · 09/10/2019 17:50

Your descriptions of him aren't making him sound like much of a catch. Why can't he hold down a job? You might be better off without him.

LuluBellaBlue · 09/10/2019 17:57

Why are you putting up with this? There’s someone out there that would treat you the way you deserve to be treated Flowers

quincejamplease · 09/10/2019 18:01

Ffs, binning him is good advice!

Rainbowqueeen · 09/10/2019 18:03

Don’t ask him more stuff, just ditch him and block
He’s never going to change and you are much better off spending your time and energy on positive things that bring good to your life. Who needs this kind of drama?

Original poster
summersun0191 · 09/10/2019 18:06

We don't live together and yes I have a key. I've just had it out with him on the phone, turns out he was at his ex's after work yesterday while I was seeing to his dog so I've been to his, got all my stuff back and left before he got home from work.

I'm not a doormat and refuse to be great like that. I'm so angry but also so bloody upset that he's use me like this.

OP posts:
WollyCobbles · 09/10/2019 18:09

What a palaver! Can you actually be bothered?

You're phoning him at 6 in the morning to check he's up for work? My 12 year old gets himself up and comes and makes sure I'm up and ready Grin

Why do women put up with these child-men hybrids? He can't hold down a job, you're tracking him on locations (and no, don't care what you say - you don't need to be tracking each other) , you've clearly got no kids or a shared house so for god sake woman - BIN

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