How to stop MIL bringing food over?

[Kingtiger101]

When my MIL comes to visit she brings copious amounts of food. Think 3 packets of biscuits, a cake, a tub of bite size treats, a bar of chocolate. These are just 2 hourly visits. She lives about 5 miles away so not overly special visits or anything. She knows I wouldn’t give these to DC so they’re for me. DH doesn’t eat them as he battled obesity as a child. My problem is that I really need to lose weight. Had dc2 10 months ago and I’m still fat. Life is really hard atm and I comfort eat. Which is why I never buy any ‘bad’ food in my online shop. I hate the fact that she brings all this crap into my house. I wish I had the willpower to leave it but nobody else eats it so it is sitting there and then I have a shit time over something and eat it.

Both me and DH have asked her not to do it and she doesn’t for a while (I told her that dc love fruit so she just bought fruit) but then reverts back.

Is there anyway I can stop this permanently? I could just take it to a food bank drop off I suppose.

Major, your reheatable meals sound really great but toilet rolls, soap and cat food? How on earth would they not already have those things (assuming they have a cat!)?

@Majorcollywobble I’d like the meals but personally would be a bit at that loo rolls, soap and cat food!
I mean the thing is here is to COMMUNICATE. So I’ve attempted to communicate with my MIL and ask her not to bring unhealthy food. Maybe just ask your son and dil if they need any extra cat food etc.

My mum always asks me before bring stuff over and with birthday and Christmas makes sure she’s giving what we need. With my mil it’s the opposite - I feel like she’s buying what she likes to buy (rather than what me and DH want to receive) Eg the chocolate etc and dresses for my crawling baby which are just so impractical. I put her in one of the bloody things yesterday out of obligation and she slipped on the skirt and bumped her head. I hate dresses on babies! But that is another thread!

Now you know why your husband battled weight as a child!

Yep!

My mum brings all kinds of crap with her, but they stay for 3-4 nights. I let them eat them then anything still sealed gets dropped at the food bank or church

My mum used to keep huge stock in the house of chocolate and crisps and fizzy drinks and as such I was rather fat as a kid and now I am still a chocolate monster.

Just tell her she is wasting her money as you will just donate it to a food bank or the local school for harvest festival, fund raisers etc

@Coffeeandchocolate9 of course it's not 'bullying' that's just hyperbole.

OP you're going to have either hand it back to your MIL or take it to the food bank. Next time she does it you ask 'oh is that more stuff for the food bank?'

Take it into work, donate it to the food bank, send things into school for tombola prizes, save and regift for Christmas presents. Yes it’s annoying that you’re being gifted things you don’t actually want but you don’t need to eat them.

Definitely just hand it back to her

@Kingtiger101
@lottiegarbanzo

You are right about the toilet rolls and liquid soap plus cat food seeming a bit strange as they surely have them but these things are never bought as presents obviously - just to help out. They often run out of those two items as they have a downstairs loo , a family bathroom plus an en-suite shower room . The liquid soap is normally something fun like Peppa Pig or Love Hearts for the grandson . Also the cat favours a specialist dried food which needs a trip to somewhere like Jollyes. I often look after the grandson at their home so tend to see what they are short of and we both shop together . But your posts definitely have made me think that I’m overdoing things a tad . My motives are definitely to feel I’m of use to them and I suppose to show I care but take onboard it could be annoying and viewed as a bit weird .
I never buy toys for him but when DD
mentions that grandson needs say school trousers or trainers with flashing lights etc . I tend to act on her hint and get them . Thinking about this my Dad used to do this when he was alive - maybe now I’m the oldest member of the family his mantle is now on my shoulders !

Oh yes, trainers with flashing lights is entirely appropraite, as a treat, beyond the necessary.

Bog roll though, is to be bulk bought when on offer, with the main household shopping. Definitely in the 'implying we're not coping' realm.

My MIL brings us random half eaten stuff from her fridge which is starting to go a bit mouldy...

She also brings crazy amounts of sweet treats. We just take them into work.

The problem with suggestions (at least for me) like take it to work, donate to food bank, give away etc is that many people simply don't have the self control that takes.

We've had a similar battle with MIL recently, where she was bringing all sorts of very lovely and expensive sweet things every time she came. It's too much and I don't think DC having the message that you have puddings every single time is one I'm happy with, it's just so out of kilter with our parenting (they don't ask for them or need them,too young). We rarely have sweet things other than special occasions or when out for an event - not daily or twice, three times a day like in laws. It's fucking ridiculous.

So we tried the being polite things like asking not to bring next time, saying we'll only have a small bit, asking them to take it home, suggesting alternate stuff like savory stuff we serve as dinner etc... And NOTHING worked!!! It ends up in the fridge/cupboard then despite the intention to donate, if it's cold and miserable and we're tired and it's an easy option... We eat it all. Despite not really wanting to, but it's there, and we hate waste so won't bin it.

The only thing that's had an effect is:

1. throwing it in the bin at the end of the visit in front of her. My inner cheapskate rails against this but it only happened twice before she didn't bring it the third time.
2. accepting that it's not going to change and repeating the same thing every few months.

P.s. not even deaths in the family which have been. Mostly preventable or life limiting due to poor diet have had an effect. It's seriously fucked up approaches to eating that just get brushed aside as "well I'm trying to do something nice by bringing the (gorgeous, expensive) cakes" every time...

It’s pretty easy donate to your local food bank or take it into the office/workplace and leave in the kitchen. I would explain in a firm way to her that you are concerned about your weight and your doctor has advised avoiding eating food high in sugar and processed fats. Often my family bring this sort of thing which we don’t eat as a habit. I always say thank you so much and then donate it. You have the right attitude don’t have junk food in the house in the first place. I would be aware that if you’re losing weight sometimes other people usually women will try and sabotage it. I’ve experienced this and other friends have too.

The thing is if you have poor self-control (like me) taking it to the food bank or into the office is not that easy. It might be a couple of days before you go to the supermarket or the office and that's plenty of time to be tempted by the treats.

Much better to nip this in the bud by asking MIL to take the treats away.

I'm trying to fathom why they would do this. I guess it must have been thoroughly drummed into them growing up that when visiting other people's homes you always bring a sweet treat, and its just very rude not to.

"throwing it in the bin at the end of the visit in front of her" I don't think I could bring myself to do that. Throwing out food I wouldn't mind, but this is a cold gesture - it would certainly get the message across though.

scot72 health wise it's better that it goes in the bin (think akin to diabetes, literally against medical advice to consume puddings two, three times a day)... Interesting that months of asking her not to bring the cakes had no result, and it didn't even work the first time around as well. What kind of fucked up relationship do you have with food where you insist to that level?!?