How to stop MIL bringing food over?

[Kingtiger101]

When my MIL comes to visit she brings copious amounts of food. Think 3 packets of biscuits, a cake, a tub of bite size treats, a bar of chocolate. These are just 2 hourly visits. She lives about 5 miles away so not overly special visits or anything. She knows I wouldn’t give these to DC so they’re for me. DH doesn’t eat them as he battled obesity as a child. My problem is that I really need to lose weight. Had dc2 10 months ago and I’m still fat. Life is really hard atm and I comfort eat. Which is why I never buy any ‘bad’ food in my online shop. I hate the fact that she brings all this crap into my house. I wish I had the willpower to leave it but nobody else eats it so it is sitting there and then I have a shit time over something and eat it.

Both me and DH have asked her not to do it and she doesn’t for a while (I told her that dc love fruit so she just bought fruit) but then reverts back.

Is there anyway I can stop this permanently? I could just take it to a food bank drop off I suppose.

Food bank - we had a harvest festival thing at school and the school principal was very keen to point out that items other than baked beans would be much appreciated. Quite pointedly said that "treats" would be put by for special Christmas meals.
Which has got to be a powerful motivator to check the dates and put it in a special box and not eat it especially if money is tight and you wouldn't normally have £10 to spend on choc biscuits to put in a collection box.
I'm mean enough to put it in a box in front of her though...

I also have the odd bit stashed to hand to the kids if they are going on a playdate.

Food bank for anything long life.
If it's anything short dated that the food bank won't be able to use you can list it on the Olio food sharing app & somebody will be delighted to pop round and take it off your hands.

(Personally I'd list it on the app whilst MIL is still there and have her witness you handing it to someone else at the front door)

Until you get tough and confront her, this will not stop. It's time to get very, very firm. If she gets pissy, that's her problem, not yours.

Ok, so saying something like:

Oh it’s so kind of you to bring this food but we won’t eat it so you take it back.

Is that ok?

What if she says no / says they won’t eat it either?

Then say 'well, why did you buy it then?'

Complete with confused face & head tilt.

I wish I could be that assertive 😭

Give it back to her to eat/give to a food bank/throw away.

Don't let her make it yours to deal with, Op.

Try it. It's very liberating. But if you're going to do it, you need to mean it.

If you initially say no to her and then give way then she'll just get worse. You do realise that by doing this she is implying that you don't know how to feed your family properly, it's very insulting. Would you take that from a stranger? No? So why would you take it from her?

Come on Kingtiger live up to your fab fierce username!

Follow what ChristineCagney has suggested that you say to MIL, and smile and give MIL a hug, so there is no ill feeling.

Just hand it back when she goes, saying "Its kind of you to think of this, but we cannot use any of it. There's no need for you to bring anything with you, as we just like your company, but if you really want to we would prefer fruit".

I think that you have to be very assertive about this situation,and tell your MIL,that you don't want,or need any of her treats. Some ladies think it is a special thing to do,when visiting family. Just tell her that you only wan't to see her and chat etc, and she will be saving money by not buying all this stuff.

OMG,i do that all the time,as did my parents.
And all of my family love it.
By the way,,,, you don`t have to eat it.
TBH, you sound v ungrateful to someone who is being nice and generous.
And as was said in another post,give it to food banks.

I could just take it to a food bank drop off I suppose.
I'd do this.

Actually, I'd say to her 'Thank you, MIL, they all look delicious. As you know, though, for various reasons we won't eat them, so I'll pack them up for the food bank; they'll be delighted.'

I predict that will mightily piss her off, to the extent that she might just stop...

Keep all answers short and to the point... stop her talking over you or missing the point (and don't ever start a sentence with "sorry but")

Have a re-read of all the posts and pick your personal favourites, sentences you think you can say. If you can find one that will work for lots of her come backs all the better. Maybe like this:

You: No thanks, we don't eat it
MIL: But we don't eat it either
You: Why on Earth did you buy it hten?
MIL: Because I like to treat you all
You: But we don't ever eat it
MIL: But I like to treat you / Go on, just this once / it's for the kiddies...
You: But we don't eat it....
MIL: I'll just leave it here for you
You: We never eat it, but I will take it to the food bank, they will love it.

I know this is naf, but please try to look at it this way - every packet/bisquit is a piece of love she is giving you (her feeling).

Don't say anything, give it away. Perhaps tell her you could really do with a meal or some specific grosseries.

TBH, you sound v ungrateful to someone who is being nice and generous. No... forcing people to accept stuff they do not want is NOT being nice or generous. At best it is being a bit dotty, at worst it is ignoring/overriding a persons wishes and forcing your own on them.

People who love you don't do that to you. They respect your choices and cease and desist dropping all sorts of useless crap into your home!

Yes definitely tell her clearly you’re giving it all to a food bank, as you’ve repeatedly told her you don’t need it.

Just give it back to her. If she says it won't be eaten in her house give her the suggestions listed above, hand it into a food bank etc.
Do it every time until she stops. It is not up to you to dispose of something she bought but no longer wants.

I get peeved that mine also brings tons of food despite repeated requests not to (I'm talking a lamb casserole,a loaf of bread, a tub of Philadelphia, olives, ham, a pack of biscuits, ready made sansdwiches etc.) In fact on more than one occassion they have tucked in to their own food whe they know i have invited them for a meal (that i have already prepared.) I find it quite insulting although on the rare occassion that she does eat my food she always expresses, with surprise ,how nice it is!!
I think its a control thing. We went on holiday with them, and i cooked a lasagne. She didn't have any "because she doesn't like pasta" . The next day we said we'd go out for a meal, she said she didn't want to....but would have the left over lasagne!! Ffs .....

OP we're rooting for you. You can do this.
I can understand there are feeders that feel that the food they give is the love they give. They may never change so if you keep up the good work and keep taking it down to the food bank.
I know feeders don't stop I've seen them and their problem is just as strong as not eating it. She may not know she has a problem with over feeding and poor diet. It may not occur to her that she's stopped bringing the things you need. Don't let it worry you. Reminding her that what she is bringing is bad for you is good for her to know.

Re: marathon, invite her to join you for the next one and you'd like her to understand what it means to succeed in one. (explaining the exhilaration you get from cheers isn't enough, experiencing it might make her realise why you worked so hard for the last one you did) This also should build bonds for something you both can do that isn't eating cake but is showing support and care for each other. (Alzheimer's Society start with walks if they have difficulty themselves)

Shes trying to sabotage your diet

I know this is naf, but please try to look at it this way - every packet/bisquit is a piece of love she is giving you (her feeling).

But it's not though, is it? If she knows that the OP doesn't actually want them it's really about control. My MIL always always brings us a cheesecake. None of us like cheesecake. She knows this and will comment 'oh you don't really like this do you?'. I have literally NO idea why she does this, but it's certainly not about love.

Could you download the Olio app? If you can’t make it to a food bank to get it out of the house quick enough

Take it to to food bank - they will be delighted to have treats for children of families who need to use their services, because obviously basic groceries get priority and treats are - well, treats.

(If you tell her you are doing that she may actually stop and then you don't even have to sniff the wrappers. Pity for the food banks, though)