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Original poster

New partner and my child

85 replies

Yodasdog · 06/10/2019 19:25

I need some help to put things into perspective as I think sometimes it can be difficult when you are in the middle of things.

I have a 3 year old (lives with me 5 days a week) and a new partner of about 10 months. I’m starting to feel that there’s some jealousy creeping in from my partner when I am with my child. My partner has said she feels neglected and feels left out when my child and I are cuddled up together. She has said that she feels my attention should be split 50/50 between them, I pointed out that my child is young and needs me and her response was to then agree that my child should come first and to say that she see’s that my child needs more than 50% and should be my priority. But I feel that there’s an undercurrent of that jealousy there.
We have talked about a future and the possibility of having children of our own in a few years but this is really concerning me.

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 06/10/2019 19:35

That's awful. Completely and utterly wrong. You can't have a future with this person without doing serious damage to your child. Also, this is what she's saying 10 months in. Imagine what she'd say in 10 more months....or 5 years.

Butterflybea · 06/10/2019 19:42

I have someone in my life of just 3 months, I haven’t introduced him to my children yet or me to his. When we got together and started to see more of each other, we both said our kids come first, and that’s the way it should be. My kids are older than yours and if he said anything at all like that or I thought for one minute he was jealous of my kids (or I of his), the relationship would be over, no question.

What happens if you and her have children? Your current child is going to be pushed to the side .

I would seriously finish it with her and I’m surprised you haven’t already when she has said these things to you. This should be ringing alarm bells in your head!!

TheSheepofWallSt · 06/10/2019 19:44

You need to finish with your partner.
Sorry but that’s where this is going- or should be, if you are any kind of parent.

ravenmum · 06/10/2019 19:44

I'd be worried about what form the jealousy might take if you had a child together. I wouldn't want her passing on the idea that a new baby and your older child were "competing" in some way.
If, for example, you had to cancel dates with her because your child needed you, then I can understand why she might feel a bit annoyed momentarily. But it is not nice at all to mention it. She's with someone who has a child; if she can't deal with it, it's probably just not a good idea.

ravenmum · 06/10/2019 19:46

(My bf has a 9-year-old, and when I see him cuddle her, I just think what a lovely dad he is... that's the normal reaction, surely?)

DonKeyshot · 06/10/2019 19:46

Imo you're right to be concerned and, frankly, I wouldn't believe her apparent agreement that your little dc's need for your attention trumps hers.

If you intend to remain in a relationship with this woman be vigilant, and don't hesitate to end it if you have cause to suspect that she is still harbouring jealousy when your attention is turned to your dc.

timshelthechoice · 06/10/2019 19:47

10 months and already a 'partner'? This person is a girlfriend, you don't really know her and she's already showing you that she's not for you. You need to do what's best for your child and end this and next time, take it slow.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/10/2019 19:47

Fuck that, to put it bluntly.

Those are red flags and it's only gonna get worse.

I'd sack someone off if they started that nonsense.

lunar1 · 06/10/2019 19:55

I'd absolutely get rid of the partner at this point, how often do you see them?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/10/2019 19:59

MASSIVE RED FLAG.

Please don't have this person in your child's life.

DonnaDarko · 06/10/2019 20:01

10 months is not a partner and I think you should put your child first.

Their attitude sounds appalling and I don't think this will end well.

witchy89 · 06/10/2019 20:04

Nope!!! I would be very cautious if I were you. Of course your time shouldn't be split 50/50, your child is your top priority and comes above everything! I can't believe someone would suggest otherwise!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/10/2019 20:04

The hills are =>>> that way for running to.

This partner is not going to be good long term for your DC and it sounds like it would get worse for them if you had another child with this partner, as I can see them insisting your joint child came first.

fllinn · 06/10/2019 20:08

Sorry but your child should get 100% of you and she can share you. No reason, surely, why she can't be holding one hand whilst your child holds the other? And same stance for all of life? You can cuddle child and she can cuddle with you? I'm not sure what her problem is but I'd be considering if she is who you need in life.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2019 20:10

Don't be a fucking idiot

Original poster
Yodasdog · 06/10/2019 20:12

Thanks.
You are all right and are echoing what I’m thinking. I have said these kinds of things to her and she tries to back track saying she just wants to be involved too and that she just wants the same kind of love from me as I give to my child.
Not great is it!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2019 20:16

she just wants the same kind of love from me as I give to my child

What?! No.

Paddy1234 · 06/10/2019 20:18

Oh dear, oh dear. I think you know don't you.

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/10/2019 20:27

Agree with PPs. Red flag galore.

Sounds like you are involving in the family set up but she wants to be numero uno. Nope! DC is paramount.

Nor can she have the same kind of love (weird!) that you give your child.

You are not compatible, sorry.

amiapropermum · 06/10/2019 20:34

It's a completely different kind of love, as you know. That's really strange

Aquamarine1029 · 06/10/2019 20:37

Op, this woman has very, very serious emotional problems. Her thought process is scary, quite frankly. An adult being jealous of a child is a complete deal breaker. I would be running like I'm on fire.

notanotherfucker · 06/10/2019 20:37

I don't normally reply on threads but No! You can't compare yourself to a child, please get rid for your child's sake. This is coming from a child that was pushed out by my dad's new woman. Please don't do this to your child, it's not a competition.

Original poster
Yodasdog · 06/10/2019 20:48

When I see it typed like this it just confirms how wrong it all is.
This woman has a step parent whom she adores, so part of me always thought that she of all people would understand the importance of getting that balance right and of ensuring that the child’s needs are met.
My child is in no way being neglected or left out. I have not let this affect my interaction or time with him at all, and I have no intention of doing so!
What set this off today was we were all on the sofa watching a film and she tried to hold my hand, my child wanted to hold my hand instead as he was lying on me. She then said she felt left out and excluded.

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 06/10/2019 20:49

That'd be enough for me to put an end to that. She's jealous, needy and immature. She clearly doesn't understand that your child is your priority, despite what she may say. 50/50 attention with a 3 year old? Really?

MagnificentDelurker · 06/10/2019 20:49

When someone shows you who they are believe them first time. Get rid.