New partner and my child

[Yodasdog]

I need some help to put things into perspective as I think sometimes it can be difficult when you are in the middle of things.

I have a 3 year old (lives with me 5 days a week) and a new partner of about 10 months. I’m starting to feel that there’s some jealousy creeping in from my partner when I am with my child. My partner has said she feels neglected and feels left out when my child and I are cuddled up together. She has said that she feels my attention should be split 50/50 between them, I pointed out that my child is young and needs me and her response was to then agree that my child should come first and to say that she see’s that my child needs more than 50% and should be my priority. But I feel that there’s an undercurrent of that jealousy there.
We have talked about a future and the possibility of having children of our own in a few years but this is really concerning me.

Wow. She's not ready to be a step-parent at all and by the sounds of things, she might never be. Don't risk possibly putting your child into a permanent toxic situation.

Dump the fucker.
Anyone jealous of the attention a 3 year old gets is not worth your time.
Has she got any kids?

Dont let them move in.

Dont leave them alone together.

But above all - dont be with someone like this.

You need to fuck her off right now. She’s pathetic and needy. Jealous of a three year old? Massive red flag as pp pointed out. Can you see yourself having children with this person really? I can imagine she’d expect you to prioritise your child with her over your three year old.

It sounds as though she doesn't really understand the parent/child bond. Or that your child must always come first. I would be very, very careful if you stay with her you should take it very slowly.

No, she has no kids of her own.
She has recently expressed a dislike and a sense of being threatened by my child’s other parent too. She gave me some shit about it, saying that my ex can do no wrong and gets away with all sorts and when I point out that I don’t really have a choice as we have to co-parent and that it’s best for my child if we are friendly she’s said that she’s sick of hearing that.
This is shit. I’m disappointed in her. He is an amazing little boy and she is lucky to have met him, he is literally my life!

Don’t ever leave your child alone with her. Get out of this relationshit now. It WILL become toxic.

She has said that she feels my attention should be split 50/50 between them

Errr!! What?? Run for the hills my dear.

Your relationship with your child is more important. You will never be able to divide yourself 50/50.

Personally, I'd concentrate on raising my three year old. And if at some point in the future someone fantastic comes along who is able to adapt into our family, then brilliant. But as you say, your child is your life and she is jealous (already, just 10m in). Don't bring that negativity into any kind of dynamic involving your toddler.

The right woman will accept your child as part of your life without compromise. No agenda, no trying to be more important than your child. I'm afraid that if she can't see why a three year old has to come before her needs then she shouldn't be in a relationship with a man who already has a child.

@Yodasdog

Stop questioning things and end this NOW. Your son's wellbeing depends on it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your partner wanting more attention. She just has to accept that you’re not the one who can give it to her because you have a child. She’d be more suited to a man with no children.

What other advice do you want? You know her behaviour is unacceptable, you know this is likely only the tipping point and more jealously and resentment will follow.

It sounds like you are the main carer of your child. With that comes responsibility and you need to put your child first before any relationship.

This is who she is, move on already.

I’m apprehensive about trying to find a partner in life because of situations like this :/ I’ve got a 10 month old dd.

I think talking things through things formally is best solution. Everyone is saying dump but she may just be feeling really insecure. If she’s ever acted horridly to your dc though, I wouldnt hesitate and would end things.

Good luck! And wish me luck at nearly 31 and single parent! 😂

Cant belive a grown ass woman would behave like this.. whats the world come too? Couldnt imagine if yous did have a child together.. i would move on as hard as it might be.. obv you do have feelings for her but if shes not respecting you, your child or time together than thats her choice, goodluck for the future :)

Actually.. reading back on my comment i would let her know she needs to respect your time with you baba and if she doesnt then yous cant move forward in the relationship, see how that goes maybe?

Hi @Yodasdog. I have a boyfriend of one year and two primary aged DC. If I'm cuddling them on the sofa he makes me a cup of tea. They take all my attention all day long and we're lucky if we get an hour together once they are in bed (I'm widowed so DC here 100 percent of time).

He hasn't complained once. That's the standard you should aim for, for the sake of your child.

You said she has a step parent she gets on with so you were expecting her to understand. Actually the opposite might be happening here. All the lack of control and resentment she felt in her childhood might be bubbling to the surface and she's directing that anger at your son in an attempt to rewrite the past.

You really need to protect your son and get her out of his life. As others have said this is only going to get worse.

This doesn't sound like a person you should be in a relationship with.
You can't change her way of thinking but you can act to ensure she isn't around your child.
What are you going to do?

She doesnt seem to be understanding of the small childs needs. Most partners wouldnt think this way. It's a bad sign that's shes jealous. It would be a deal breaker for me. I honestly would end it. You can find someone better.

It is just going to get worse. She feels jealous where she should feel love for your little boy.

she just wants the same kind of love from me as I give to my child

EW.

That made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. This woman has Problems.

You know what you have to do, don't you?

Not really the point but you have two hands presumably so why couldn't you hold both your child and her hands?

But in any case it sounds like a petty little competition and like she's odd & immature.

Also you can't give her and your child 50 50 attention, and you can't give her the same type of attention or love as your child. Anyone mature & reasonable would understand that and wouldn't ask/whine.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Jealously is rarely an attractive or comfortable trait in anyone - but to be jealous of an infant is just beyond incomprehension. What this woman is telling you is that she wants the focus on her, and that she wants you all to herself. The jealously over your normal attention to your child and the shit stirring about your ex is her way of wanting you to pretend that all didn't happen - your life starts with her now, fuck the past. Please don't move anymore further with her and for gods sake don't have a child with her - she will want to push your son further a away so she can have her 'happy family' - she sees your son and your past as a blemish.

My exes sister was like this with every bloke she dated with children - was desperate to be the 'queen' and for him to 'forget' his past and make her the centre of the universe. Thankfully nobody ever bought it and she's perpetually single because she tries it with every new bloke she's with.