Sex and Dating etiquette - worried I've messed up

[Disappoint]

I recently went on a second date. Three days after a first, both initiated by him. He seemed very keen. As soon as I arrived on that date, we made plans for our next date. However, on the end of the date, we had both had a few drinks and things got a bit heated and we ended up sleeping together. We have been speaking since, he has been asking questions and initiating conversation, and I just happened to ask to clarify what we'd discussed regarding the next date (as DDs dad had asked a question about arrangements for DD). I'm still waiting for a response.

I might well be jumping to conclusions, but I honestly feel like I just know. Ive been here a million times and I have a gut feeling I'm getting the brush off. It doesn't help that I've been let down a lot in the online dating world, I've generally developed quite a thick skin but that anxiety and lack of trust im finding really hard to get away from. My last relationship was also very manipulative and controlling, so my boundaries and trust are all over.

I can't stop beating myself up about sleeping with him now. Even though I know that if the sole reason he wasn't interested was because of that, then he wasn't worth my time anyway and I didn't do it because I expected anything, I did it because I wanted to at the time. But there's this horrible feeling in the back of my mind that is worrying I've done the complete wrong thing.

Talk me down, please!!

Disappoint The fog is at least partly because you had sex and it sets off all your endorphins, it's like a drug and you'll be in withdrawal mode. Speaking personally, I've had a lot of work to do on myself and thought I was getting somewhere but still made mistakes by not recognising the red flags early enough, or if I did I didn't respond quickly enough. I was angry at myself as much as anything, perhaps you are too underneath and are punishing yourself for it. I think you really have to be on your guard if you have a tendency to attract wrong uns because they can sniff out your vulnerability. Use it as a learning experience, you may never know this guy's reasons - maybe he did like you but then he met someone else, or he could have thought you were a 'slag' after he slept with you, or his great uncle Sylvester could have died etc, who knows. A lot of the time as women we analyse what men must be thinking. He got laid and so thought he was a stud and tried to move onto the next one, it's probably as simple as that. He might have been trying his luck with a few others online and would have got back to you if he didn't get lucky. In any case, he's not worth it. I know it's upsetting, a disappointment, but all I can suggest is don't get your hopes up and don't believe anything he says in the early stages, talk is cheap, actions are all that matters. If you can't help but have it preying on your mind, perhaps try and think back to identify what things he did and said that might have indicated what his intentions or attitude were, then you can look out for these in the future. It's not nice to be suspicious of somebody when you're wanting to be having fun, but I think it's the way it has to be as far as men and sex are concerned.

Thanks Oabati your totally correct in that I was correct to text that I didn’t want him to contact me again, my pride was at stake and I was nice about it to be fair, I’m not going to be an option for him the next time he feels likes shagging someone else. It’s been a lesson though and I’m only going to have sex quickly if that’s all I want, although I’m not really a casual sex type of woman, I prefer to be in a relationship.

The guy wasn’t a good guy and he said some pretty awful things about his girlfriend to the point that I told him to shut up and that he was out of order, there’s no way I would’ve had a relationship with him anyway because there would be no trust.

Disappoint you’ll be okay in time and I know it’s a cliche but it’s so true. My doctor once told me that asking friends for advice isn’t always good because they may get angry on your behalf and it sounds like this is what your friend did, maybe explain to her how she made you feel and just stick to MN for advice about certain things because nobody knows you so the advice is better because it’s not being given on who you are, but what your saying now.

You wanted sex with him. You got it. Nothing to feel bad about. A shame it didnt work out longer term but hey ho!

I had sex with current bf of 4mo within maybe 3hrs of meeting him. If they like you theyll stick around, sex or not!

Yeah this is so true about them sticking about whether they have sex or not. I’ve mainly had sex quick with guys and all have developed into LTR and I have sec quick because I have no willpower and I have to see if there’s any sexual chemistry!