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Original poster

Very unusual message from DP's hairdresser. What would you think?

73 replies

Starmaking · 02/10/2019 15:26

OK, so my DP went to get his hair cut recently. His hairdresser works from home and is a gay guy. Later that evening I saw this message pop up on his phone from the hairdresser.

"Hey" DP Name ", I could see over your trousers u were very excited about , "Ladyname" I think she like you too, maybe u2 could be a good friends lol!

???? Not sure what to make of it. He is straight. We have been together for 16 years and have two children. When I looked later the message had been deleted.

Just looking for advice really

OP posts:
TimeForNewStart · 02/10/2019 17:55

You don’t have ‘trust issues’ at all!!! That would imply that the ‘issue’ is yours. You don’t trust him because he is not trustworthy. There is a difference.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 02/10/2019 18:10

OP. I have to say I find this whole thread very odd. You've said that you asked your partner whether his hairdresser has a cat or a dog. I have never asked my partner a single solitary question about the hairdresser he has been going to for 20 years and I would never in all the realms of possibility, wonder or care whether my partners hairdresser had a cat or a dog.

The hairdresser shouldn't be sending texts about erections to your husband, but I think you already know that.

tolerable · 02/10/2019 18:59

nah..@Patroclus...really.they might get em for all sortsa reasons...tho i cant recall EVER having to deal with a random hardon event in my life ever. Whilsst he may well have a barber worth going the extra mile for...dick discussions is low. its odd,weird..and no wonder op is a bit confused. thing is op.he has previous.if you cant ask him straight out..you have serious issues. is he bi or am i getting that wrong?

lottelupin · 02/10/2019 19:53

I think you should go get a haircut there yourself and check out the whole scenario ...

NameChange84 · 02/10/2019 21:18

Just caught up with this thread and I know this is going to sound really weird but have you heard of hair/haircut fetishes? I fell down an internet black hole one night and it turns out that there are alot of people, although, it seems to be mainly men who get aroused on things around hair. So some men are very into women with super long hair or super short hair, shaved heads, mushroom cuts or bobs etc, some get off on their own haircuts. Some men try to encourage their partners to get their hair done a certain way or fantasise about giving or receiving certain haircuts. Or it might be that they get off on seeing someone wearing a hairdressing Cape or getting shampoos or whatever. So it could be that he was aroused by his own haircut or by the woman's hairstyle in some way.

I promise you it is a thing. It's a weird thing but definitely something that has an internet presence and that seems fairly common as far as fetishes go.

It was just when I saw that he'd tried to encourage you to go there too I remembered reading all this stuff that night. It may be fairly innocent but just a bit of a quirky kink.

Still hugely inappropriate of the hairdresser to text like that though.

Livelovelearn1 · 02/10/2019 21:43

This has nothing to do with the hairdresser. As a person whose friends are 80% gay.... the hairdresser is just being gay (no pun intended) Boys do like a bit of gossip and play. It was probably just a joke. Even if he got a hard on from a particular person, as long as he didn't do anything further its all good. We're all human. (Still, if my man got a hard on with someone else it would hurt me) but as far as the hairdresser goes... hes probably a bit overfriendly and out for banter. keep ur eyes open some people love a bit of banter, gossip and jokes. And i reiterate, most of my boyfriends and girlfriends are gay. Gay men are the most amazing funny uninhibeted real people you'll ever meet (also bitchy). Now if ure man is havin erections with random women.... meh... i wouldnt be happy. But the hairdresser could just be jokin really.

butterandbread · 02/10/2019 22:02

Is it just me that’s baffled by the thought of him actually getting an erection from a glance at a woman waiting to get her hair cut?

Honestly though, OP, I’d ask him about it again. You obviously can’t put it out of your min (I don’t think I’d be able to either), and as far as I’m concerned, if you cheat and are forgiven, you can bloody well accept a bit of a questioning where warranted!

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/10/2019 22:43

If your partner is the sort of person that gets erections looking at a woman with clothes on minding her business I would be extremely concerned.

Preoccupied leg humper is the mildest I can put it.

I thought that shit stopped in teenage years 😳

onthebusoctopus · 02/10/2019 22:48

Why is he getting an erection over a woman minding her own business?

butterandbread · 02/10/2019 22:53

Right on cue Closet and onthebus, thank you! Grin

I just can’t get my head around that being the case! Not for a grown man, anyway. Does it sound plausible to you that he would’ve, OP?

BatshitBertha · 02/10/2019 22:56

This is is very strange and inappropriate text from a hairdresser, which is why on it's own is not too concerning. However, If your DH has continued this use this hairdresser after this weird text then, I'd find that odd. Pretty dodgy.

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/10/2019 23:54

Weirdest thing I've read today OP. Why does your DH have an erection at the barbers?! Confused who is this hairdresser? Obviously he and your DH must be acquainted pretty well if he is speaking to him in that way. I don't often tell clients I suspected (from looking at their crotch) that they had a hard on today and prophesise over what.

Not sure whether I'd be laughing or crying if I were you OP. The situation obviously has more to it than you're in on, can you not go with him next time. Or just tell him you saw the message and require him to explain why something so inappropriate was discussed. That has to be better than making yourself miserable wondering what on earth his personally life is like.

Allthematchingchristmasclothes · 03/10/2019 01:58

Does the hairdresser cross dress? And ‘lady name’is his lady name? Perhaps your DP likes her doing his hair alot?

Notcoolmum · 03/10/2019 06:29

When I read the message I had visions of an over excited dog humping your husband's leg and the hairdresser making a joke about it.
Honestly you need to ask him outright if it's upsetting you so much. He has form for cheating. He has to expect you to be anxious. You can forgive (apparently, not sure I could) but the hurt and worry won't simply pass.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/10/2019 06:38

Allthematchingchristmasclothes - that was my thought.

Bezalelle · 03/10/2019 06:45

Gay men are the most amazing funny uninhibeted real people you'll ever meet (also bitchy).

Really? You do realise these are (harmful) stereotypes!

donquixotedelamancha · 03/10/2019 06:47

"ladyname" is what the hairdresser calls his cock.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 03/10/2019 09:05

Hi all

We reckon the OP is a PBP so we're going to nip this thread down now.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 03/10/2019 12:21

Hi all

We've had a look behind the scenes and we may have been a bit too quick to judge here, so we're reinstating the thread.

Original poster
Starmaking · 03/10/2019 12:36

Thank you for all the replies. Apparently my thread "raised eyebrows" at Mumsnet HQ and was therefore pulled, but I can tell you 100% it is true, unfortunately.
Anyway, I brought it up with him again this morning, he got quite angry and reiterated that the hairdresser must've thought he was being funny. He said he only goes there when he has no other choice, which is crap as there are millions of barbers out there. So he either thinks this hairdresser is the best in the world, or he enjoys this "banter"

OP posts:
Zeldasmagicwand · 03/10/2019 12:39

Many clients tell their hairdresser extremely personal information and I'm guessing that the hairdresser will already know if DH was having or planned to have an affair. Equally, most hairdressers have learnt the art of discretion so he probably wouldn't tell you anything if you rang and quizzed him about it.

RuffleCrow · 03/10/2019 12:46

How could the hairdresser locate it under the giant black smocky thing they make you wear?

Soola · 03/10/2019 13:32

@RuffleCrow maybe her husband made a ‘tent’ when the hairdresser was running his fingers through his hair. 😕

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