Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Very unusual message from DP's hairdresser. What would you think?

73 replies

Starmaking · 02/10/2019 15:26

OK, so my DP went to get his hair cut recently. His hairdresser works from home and is a gay guy. Later that evening I saw this message pop up on his phone from the hairdresser.

"Hey" DP Name ", I could see over your trousers u were very excited about , "Ladyname" I think she like you too, maybe u2 could be a good friends lol!

???? Not sure what to make of it. He is straight. We have been together for 16 years and have two children. When I looked later the message had been deleted.

Just looking for advice really

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 02/10/2019 16:28

The hairdresser is teasing him (in a very over familiar way) about having a crush on a female who was also there.

Has he become more secretive of his phone since the message?

IncrediblySadToo · 02/10/2019 16:47

He cheated on you. He pleaded with you to stay. Now he’s back to it all being you that’s interrogating/nagging/‘going on’....typical, but unworkable. He thinks you forgave him before, so he can treat you how he likes because you’ll put up with it.

I ‘tried to make it work’ but in the end it was destroying me more than the actual affair did & I left him. I wish I’d had MN in those days, I would have handled things VERY differently. I bloody wellness would if it happened to me now.

Have a very good think about what you want for the next 50 years.

Don’t stay for your kids - all that does is produce resentful, and often screwed up, adults who struggle with relationships!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 02/10/2019 16:50

Your partner gets his hair cut by a gay hairdresser who works from home? Why? Can't he go to a high street barber????

I'd say he gets more than a haircut there, sorry.

category12 · 02/10/2019 16:57

Argh, you don't have "trust issues", (God I hate that expression when some poor soul comes on after their partner has demonstrated untrustworthiness and they say "I have trust issues") no, you have untrustworthy partner issues. And your fella continues to be an arse and blame you for doubting his shifty, beady-little-eyed self. Why wouldn't you?

I'd ask myself, is this really worth it? My experience is Nope.

picklemepopcorn · 02/10/2019 17:01

Some9ne in a magazine he was 'reading'?

othistledonicely · 02/10/2019 17:02

Hmmmmm.....looks to me like hairdresser is referring to his own erection with "ladyname" and is testing the waters..........

picklemepopcorn · 02/10/2019 17:04

Some9ne in a magazine he was 'reading'?

ScreamingBeans · 02/10/2019 17:05

You have trust issues because he's untrustworthy.

Stop trying to trust him. It's impossible.

itsboiledeggsagain · 02/10/2019 17:05

What @notsuch are you suggesting gay people shouldn't work from home? That they can't keep it in their trousers? Homophobic, much?

colourlessgreenidea · 02/10/2019 17:10

So your DP got an erection during a haircut, the hairdresser then texted him about it, this all happened a while ago, and you joined MN today for advice because you’re not sure what to make of it?

Well, it’s certainly a very odd set of circumstances Confused

Original poster
Starmaking · 02/10/2019 17:12

He used to be his hairdresser in a salon, but the guy left and set up on his own from home. MY OH likes how he cuts his hair. I can't blame him for that as I have followed my hairdresser for years.

It wasn't someone in a magazine as when I asked him he said she was waiting to get her hair cut, but then in a later conversation he said she was getting her hair cut. This is what I mean about him changing the story. But as I said, I did leave it a good while before I questioned him, but when I did he knew exactly what I was talking about!

OP posts:
NewStart571 · 02/10/2019 17:12

LTB. I’m sorry to say, your relationship is over. You don’t trust him (rightly so) and it sounds like he’s still taking the piss.

The whole set up sounds miserable. I’m sorry OP.

Original poster
Starmaking · 02/10/2019 17:13

Sorry colourlessgreenidea I didn't realise I had to be on here for a certain amount of time before I was allowed to post

OP posts:
colourlessgreenidea · 02/10/2019 17:14

MY OH likes how he cuts his hair

Indeed he does.

Original poster
Starmaking · 02/10/2019 17:17

And to be clear colourlessgreenidea it happened a while ago but I have only recently brought it up with him

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 02/10/2019 17:21

Was it the hairdressers dog?!

Original poster
Starmaking · 02/10/2019 17:25

Notcoolmum In my defence, when I first saw the text, trying to be the better person and not immediately jump to the wrong right conclusion I did think this. You know, dog or cat, sat on his lap, left hair behind and in the lost in translation / language barrier the hairdressr saw he liked the cat / dog. So when I first saw the text I did "innocently" ask if he had pets. The answer was no. I also asked if anyone else worked with him, the answer was no.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 02/10/2019 17:36

I followed my hairdresser and now have my hair cut in her home. But that means by definition there are no other clients there because she can only cut one head at a time.

How could the hairdresser be cutting this other woman’s hair?

Soola · 02/10/2019 17:37

Why would you think your partner got an erection over someone’s pet?

Does he have form for wanking over guinea pigs or something?

Original poster
Starmaking · 02/10/2019 17:43

soola what I meant was that his hairdresser is not English and in the "lost in translation" - I could see over your trousers u were very excited about , "Ladyname" - He mighty have meant " I could see you liked my dog / cat". But as I said earlier, I asked my OH a while ago if he had a dog or a cat and teh answer was no. So although I was trying to look at it from a non-suspicious point of view, alas, it's unlikely.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 02/10/2019 17:46

I agree with @WhatTiggersDoBest - the hair stylist obviously had a client turn up for after your DPs appointment, your DP was probably chatty and friendly and after he’d left stylists house, she might’ve told him how she fancied him... and stylist has let your DP know “she likes you too” but I’ve read that with a comma: “she likes you, too” (not as in, she likes you back).
I’d ignore it.

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/10/2019 17:49

I was said "oh, I didn't realise you were going there today" and he said "stop going on, why are you always questioning me?"

I know your op isn't about this, but this is the bit that has jumped out for me. If my DH said that to me there would be a row as a) I wasn't questioning him, I was just saying that I didn't know he was going for a haircut, and b) if I were questioning him it would be because I don't trust him because he had an affair (and this is exactly what I'd tell him).

Does he always talk to you like that?

VenusTiger · 02/10/2019 17:52

@struggling maybe he feels he can’t be forgiven for his past and op hasn’t fully forgiven him... how do we know she doesn’t question him all the time?

Patroclus · 02/10/2019 17:52

Men get boners for all sort of reasons, it was totally out of order for the hairdresser to say that.

Straycatstrut · 02/10/2019 17:54

What would you think?

Well, I wouldn't think my OH was gay or bi, the text suggests he was excited over "ladyname".

He works from home. So "ladyname" was at his home? I think it might be a joke... that's what I'd be hoping.

It's still bothering you so you need to sit him down and say "Right, OH, about this message, look it's probably nothing and I'm sorry but it's stuck in my mind and I need it clearing up..."