This isn't love

[RollNButter]

I'm fed up , miserable and lonely,
This wasn't the plan.
We was supposed to move into this house and start afresh but turned out all to be lies.

My main issue is my partner doesn't sleep next to me at night he doesn't even stay here he just turns up early morning. I have so much love for him but it's not being returned.

I want to get away but I have no where to go , I've got 3 children. If I leave we will be homeless and I can't put my children through that. I feel like I'm stuck here miserable for the rest of my life.

I know I made the mistake by even giving this a second go I've truly fucked everything. I will never be happy. My life will never be what I hoped it would be. I know I deserve more but that will never happen now because I'm his and he will never let me go.

He just turns up? Where is he staying?

There are ways and means to salvage your life OP, all is not lost and we are all here to help.

I'm really confused, I'm starting to question if I'm the problem and I certainly feel depression creeping up on me.

It took me a lot to write this post because so much has happened I honestly don't know where to start. I've ruined friendships because I chose to love this man.

After being ignored all day from him how strange is it that he's called me being "nice" offering to pick my daughter up from school.

I try telling him how I feel and if I question where he's been I'm told not to confront him.

Why would you be homeless? It sounds like you are living there and he’s just showing up now and then?

Just dump him and don’t let him show up?

You need to tell us more because there will be a way out and we can help.

I'm guessing there is much more to this than sharing a bed. My partner and I don't share because he snores and I rattle around half the night. We're still very much together.

Can you tell us more about what is going on? Is he distancing you from your loved ones? Do you have your own income?

Is he married but paying for your housing? Are they his kids? You are drip feeding here so it's hard to understand what is going on.

Sorry if I'm not explaining things properly i know when I write it all down it becomes real and I can see how much of an idiot I am.

I have a daughter who doesn't have contact with her BF.
I met this man in 2016 and we lived together after a few months, everything happened very quickly and we discussed having a baby and so we did he's now 2, When I was 34weeks pregnant with baby number 3 I discovered he'd gone and got married.

I abandoned the home and was sleeping on the sofa of a relatives. I had my son and while everything was going on he still saw and payed for his children.

He said to me that he can explain everything it's not what it seems and that he's getting a divorce. FF 11 months all 4 of us (me and kids) were in one room this was getting depressing as the council said the house was big enough and I wasn't classed as homeless.

I'm a fkg idiot now I see that. He didn't want the kids sleeping in their prams so he is renting this place. Some days we are perfect other days are really hard. I forgave him which I shouldn't have but I felt everything was going great until we are 4months in and he doesn't stay here.

So I guess he's not getting the divorce and is still living a double life. How do I get out of this now? I have no money I have nothing.

Is this guy a different culture from yourself? X

No, we are both British.

Honestly I feel like he needed a tie with both of us so I had his children and she got a marriage. I'm stupid to have thought he was divorcing I mean I've blocked so much out just to stay sane to care for my children and now I've woken up and smelt the coffee.

If he was sleeping here at night I wouldn't think anything was going on but because of that it really makes me insecure, paranoid and question everything.x

How did he explain the fact that he got married while being with you?

I don't really understand this either op. He's married and lives with his wife. He's rented a house for you and the kids.

But he is married and lives with her. Why are you confused on this?

Well I wanted a full explanation he didn't give me that. He said he didn't know why , that she had been planning it for a couple of years.

I did meet with the Wife when I found out about the wedding, we both sat down and explained our relationships and worked out how he had managed to live the double life.
She personally told me they didn't have an active sex life but did say "don't worry I have no STDs" She said they didn't have a romantic relationship not affectionate, she also said that she thought he worked nights so that's how he managed to actually live with us before.

Now he won't let me talk about it because I forgave him so it's in the past now. So yeah I've proper got myself stuck now.

I'm confused because,
We met and he told me he was single otherwise I'd have never had a baby with him let alone 2.

He got married massive shock to both me and her he said he wanted to be a family with me and getting a divorce.

We are in a relationship, he says he loves me I'm his , we have sex, he says I am his forever he's never letting me go, says I'm being silly if i say I'm paranoid and reassured me that it's just us and he's not with her anymore.

That's why I'm confused 🤷🏻‍♀️

Omg. This is shocking. So the house is in his name.

Do you have any family you can call on for a loan and to put a deposit down on your own place for you and the kids? Surely the council can help you if you explain the circumstances?

I don’t understand how and why you’ve not hit the roof about his wife before they got married? Is he violent towards you OP? You sound like you are on eggshells.

He’s not with her but won’t get a divorce

Does he give you any money.

Can you plan to go back to work and save for your own place, even if it is a tiny place (Friend lived with her husband and 2 children in a 1 bed place for years)

Can you move somewhere cheaper to be able to afford a place of your own.

What does this guy do if he is sleeping with his wife in the evening and is with you during the day.

Once in your own place I would go for proper CM.

There are solutions to most problems, you just have to be clinical and work through them.

Well he's a very angry man at times and I find I am on eggshells often. I haven't got family for that sort of support I only really have my Nan but can't support me in that way. My mum is an alcoholic/drug user and my dad ran off into the sunset with his new family so I'm on my own really.

Youngest has just turned 1, I've mentioned working but I'd have to find childcare and he has said I can just work for him to help his business.

Rent is ridiculous I'm in SE London. I wouldn't know where to start if I was going to move far away. Some days I have been so close to running away but have felt selfish because he does love and provide for the kids even my daughter however he's not being honest is he and I'm fed up x

I’d get in touch with the local housing assosication and see what they can do for you. You can’t live like this

So the wife knows about you? That's seriously weird. Does she know it's still going on?

Bottom line is op he spends the night with her. That's where he lives. No getting round it.

Yes she is fully aware, she actually said to my face "I'm shocked you are a white girl he hates that ratty hair" so that made me feel great!

Why would he have a family with me if he was happily engaged and then married? What have they got that we haven't? Money?
This is horrible. I know he loves me maybe he just can't let her go either?

Sounds like you need to file a claim for child support. Go to the benefits office find out what you can claim. Get a job.

I wouldn't continue to sleep with him or see us as in a relationship. He married someone else whilst with you!

So after all this time he's still with you both?

Don't work for him. You can't be so beholden to this man. Why are you still sleeping with him?!

I don't know where he is at night he either tells me not to confront him or he will say he had things to sort out. Obviously any woman would know something isn't right.

I have her number but she's blocked- this is because he said she will just try to ruin our relationship from being spiteful because "no one wants the other woman to win"
Everything is just mind games and promises that aren't kept. At first he said two weeks and il be here more, and it is 4months now and nothing has changed.

I could easily let her know we're still together but that would make him angry and I can't risk that when I've got babies to look after.

I know I sound pathetic and stupid I was going to say it's because I'm young but I'm 25 so I've no excuses now. Also I know everyone says it , he's not all bad.. he's not if I hadn't met him I'd dread to think where I'd have ended up , probably like my mum.

Stop clutching at straws, he doesn't love you and he's not going to get a divorce. If he loved you he would have married you. I can't believe you and the wife are accepting this situation. Stop sleeping with him and normalising his behaviour.