He hit me once - should I leave- or how do I get over it

[mum2be2013]

Hi
I don’t where/how to post so sorry if this goes in the wrong place, but my husband hit me (just one punch in the stomach) but enough to leave doubled up in agony and sore for a couple of days after and I don’t know what to do about it.
Initially I said I’d leave, but it was an empty threat- and he knows it- I have no where to go (I have 2 small children, and I gave up work after the second so I’m totally financially dependent on him now and we recently moved here so I don’t have any close friends here and I don’t drive so I can’t even physically get the kids to go to my folks without him, even if I needed too).
We were together a long time - and he’s always got angry easily- but it was never directed at me until after we were married- and before this incident there were only a couple of other of pushing and shoving- so nothing as violent as punching me. I thought I’d just forget about it- but I can’t - everytime he shouts at me - I get really tense as I’m not sure if he’ll do it again. And I’d hate for the children to see him get violent.
But I don’t know what to do.
The worse thing is the day after he said it didn’t happen- and no one would believe me (he is the perfect dad and husband in Front of my family & friends), then he said it was an accident- and it was only when I said I was leaving that he admitted it and said sorry.
Then last night I tried to speak to him about anger management classes and he denied it happened again and then got angry and I dropped the subject as I was scared he’d get violent again if I didn’t.

I'm afraid to be the bearer of bad news but chances are it's going to get worse. Your isolated, dependant and he knows it. Can you ring someone in your family to help you get away or even come up with a plan to get you away from him.

He will continue to abuse you. In his mind he's gotten away with it. There's been no consequences.

You need to leave. Call your parents. Do whatever you can to leave. For your sakes. For your children's sake.

Yes you leave.

You tell your family, you wait until he is out and you pack bags and you take a bus or a National Express to wherever you can have friends or family put you up while you sort things out.

Will your family support you?

He's broken it. He's a violent shit, he'll almost certainly do it again and living with a parent like this does absolutely affect children.

Take them and go.

How often does he shout at you OP?

Oh sweetie I think you know deep down you have to leave don't you

You leave!

You can get train/buses to your parents, even if it's a long journey. I'm sure they'd help with costs if necessary

You have to get away.
Give Womens Aid a call and see if they can help.
If your family knew what he had done would they come and get you.
I know if my DD called and told me what you have I'd be there like a shot to get her out!
Get help and get out.
You could also record the incident with 101 if you speak to their DV team.
Get away. It will get worse. It already has.
Do NOT risk your life this way. It's not fair on your DC.
And SS consider it abuse of the children if they are in an abusive home.
So SS may also be able to help you.
Reach out to anyone you can to get you out of there.
FAST!!!!!!!

He punched you in the stomach? Jesus get out of there

Men who hurt women will hurt children. Please leave him. If you can’t leave yourself and have no one to collect you call the police.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not just one punch though op.

The best advice I heard came from Maya Angelou "when somebody shows you who they are believe them the first time". He's shown you who he is. A real man would never hit a woman and his attempt to deny it says everything.

Abuse always escalates and many women are killed every year trying to leave.

As a child I've watched my father beat my mother and still have the image of her sat crying on the stairs. The house never felt like a home and all of this will effect your babies.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

Maybe you can you get take a taxi to your parents and borrow money to pay on the other end.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Are you in the UK?.

Was it his idea in the main to move to where you now are; if so that was also his tactic to further isolate you socially and emotionally along with keeping you away from family support or support of any kind.

There is help out there for you, you need to be brave for yourself and make some phone calls. Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations can and will help you here. The police would also help as well though you may well want to talk to WA first of all.

You cannot stay with him any longer, you and in turn your children are not safe in his presence. He is violent and solely responsible for his behaviours; you did not drive him to do this to you. What happened to you is not your fault in any way - this is all on him and his actions too are about power and control.

Please get your injury documented with the GP; this will also help you go forward. This could and likely will happen again to you. The nice/nasty cycle of abuse is a continuous cycle.

He could have all too easily ruptured your stomach all too easily and put you in hospital.

AM courses are no answer to domestic violence which is what you (and in turn your children) are suffering at home. You can only help your own self and your children ultimately. You deserve a life free of physical abuse.

He like many abusers, is probably quite plausible to all those in the outside world. He does not go around hitting work colleagues in the stomach does he; he would be out of a job and arrested if he did.

He has a problem with anger, your anger when you rightly call him out on his behaviours. Your children as well cannot afford to grow up seeing such an abusive example of a relationship, this cannot and should not become their normal. You cannot fully protect them from his abuses of you as their mum if you and your abuser are under the same roof.

Abuse like this, like you describe, thrives on secrecy. Do not keep this a secret any longer; start opening up to other people now. You are not as powerless as you think you are. Keep posting here too.

Phone your family and women's aid if you need advice. Get bags packed quick and take the kids while he's out. It doesn't matter if someone was a good friend or a new friend, if I was asked for help in this situation then I would. If there's anyone else closer by to help immediately then tell them!

Please contact Womans Aid. Or a local domestic abuse charity. They will support you with housing and a refuge if you have nowhere to go. It'll be hard but infinitely better than what you can expect to come in the upcoming years.

You need to leave. It's never just once. The pushing and shoving was already the first violence. This is it escalating.

He is unrepentant, refusing to take responsibility for his actions and is now telling you you've made it up.

Call your family, see if someone can pick you up.

Your children will already be aware of what goes on - if you're tense, no matter their age, they will know.

Save the three of you.

Please please please get yourself out. He PUNCHED you so hard you were sore for days. This is abhorrent and full on domestic abuse. Please get out.

He hit you once.

Next time he'll hit you twice.
It's called escalation. He will escalate his violent behaviour towards you, and it's likely to be sooner rather than later.

Click on this link, scroll down to find your nearest Women's Aid branch and make contact as a matter of urgency: www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Also google your local coucil/authority to see if they operate a domestic violence advice centre or similar.

Please, do not stay with this man. Not just for you, but also for your children, you need to leave now. His abuse absolutley will escalate, and there is no good reason on earth why you should stay. Contact Womens Aid ASAP, and call your family yo collect you. Also, someone else suggested seeing your GP to get the injury documented? Please do this aswell. Good luck OP. Please let us know how you get on

He will hit you again (unless you absolutely tow the line never complain and give up your life com.pletely )
He will damage your dc childhood
Get away

You have to leave there. It's started as pushing & shoving, now it's escalated to punching which he completely denies. It's always in a place where it's harder to see! He shows no remorse. It'll get worse.

I agree with others, contact a domestic abuse charity for guidance.

You need to come up with a plan and leave for your safety and your children.

It's not 'just' one punch though OP, one punch is enough to kill somebody.

It wont get better, you need to get you and your children away from him

You have to leave.

But you need to do it in a safe, managed way. First off, phone women's aid for advice. Also start thinking through your options. Have you any relatives you could go to? Parts of the country you used to live in where you could plug back into a good support network? Would it be possible to go back to your old career? Do you have any savings in your own name/ is it possible to start setting aside part of the housekeeping each week?

Try not to set too much store by the perfect husband act - I think you'll find quite a few people have seen the mask slip from time to time/have enough experience with abuse to know you get men who are "public Saint/private devil" - I think you'll get more support than you think.

Also consider phoning the police. It may be helpful or you may decide not to go down that route but give it some thought.

Leave. It never happens just the once. Get yourself and your children out of there.

Op - once they've done it once, it's like a switch goes off and it will, WILL, become the go-to response they now know they are capable of/can do, with zero consequences. Please please call women's aid - the police - gingerbread (a charity for single parents).

Leave.
Do you have any family or friends who will come and get you and the kids?

Or pack a bag and go get a bus/train. Will your family put you up for a while?