He hit me once - should I leave- or how do I get over it

[mum2be2013]

Hi
I don’t where/how to post so sorry if this goes in the wrong place, but my husband hit me (just one punch in the stomach) but enough to leave doubled up in agony and sore for a couple of days after and I don’t know what to do about it.
Initially I said I’d leave, but it was an empty threat- and he knows it- I have no where to go (I have 2 small children, and I gave up work after the second so I’m totally financially dependent on him now and we recently moved here so I don’t have any close friends here and I don’t drive so I can’t even physically get the kids to go to my folks without him, even if I needed too).
We were together a long time - and he’s always got angry easily- but it was never directed at me until after we were married- and before this incident there were only a couple of other of pushing and shoving- so nothing as violent as punching me. I thought I’d just forget about it- but I can’t - everytime he shouts at me - I get really tense as I’m not sure if he’ll do it again. And I’d hate for the children to see him get violent.
But I don’t know what to do.
The worse thing is the day after he said it didn’t happen- and no one would believe me (he is the perfect dad and husband in Front of my family & friends), then he said it was an accident- and it was only when I said I was leaving that he admitted it and said sorry.
Then last night I tried to speak to him about anger management classes and he denied it happened again and then got angry and I dropped the subject as I was scared he’d get violent again if I didn’t.

ps, the acting like it didn't happen is totally part of the abuse!

I remember my x pretending to strangle me and then five minutes later acting normal and I think he knew he'd gone too far and he made me a cup of tea when I didn't drink the tea, he got in to a huff with me again.

Write down everything that he does so you don't start to doubt yourself and think you're exaggerating things when you look back.

I know I got to the point where I wasn't sure how regular his narcissistic outbursts were. I would (for survival) put them out of my head, block them, and then I would lose the anger I would have needed to have felt to have escaped.

Please contact Women's aid:
<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/" target="_blank">https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/
0808 2000 247

Also have a look at the Duluth control wheel - there may be other things that you recognise in your partner

www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/what-is-domestic-violence/controlling-relationships/power-and-control-wheel/

ps2 and it is hard, adjusting to other people's perception of you as a woman who had to leave an abusive relationship or even just a broke single parent! It's an adjustment and no mistake but what you're doing is really valuable in two ways. 1) the decision to leave nurtures your sense of self-efficacy which is an integral part of self-esteem. You can know you deserve more than an abusive relationship but unless you feel in control of your own life, theory remains just theory. So by leaving you take yourself out of danger but you value yourself and you start to believe that you have control of your own life. It's so valuable. 2) you take the focus off external, ie, how you're perceived; respectable married woman in a nice house to internal; a woman who chose freedom, to hell with others' perception of her life. You can start again once you get away.

Please please take the advice on this thread.and get away from this man. I am still reeling from hearing he punched you in the stomach...and then gaslighting you afterwards. What a cunt.

Please get yourself and your children somewhere safe.

💐💐💐

Please leave. You have to leave. It wont get better... in fact from what you say its gradually got worse over time hasn't it? Which us the case with a lot of domestic violence. It will only get worse. Whilst you stay he can lie to you both that it didnt really happen or wasnt that bad... because you are supporting that lie by under reacting and not leaving.

I know this I've been there, I was with a man for two years who violently attacked me... it just got worse and worse... they are all the same and they use the sane tricks... they make you think it's you that causes it and if you just changed your behaviour or the way you spoke or the things you did, then they'd never hit you again... and you buy into it because it makes you feel like you can control it and sort it all out... but of course you cant because someone who is supposed to love you is actually abusing you. It's really surreal and I understand the desire to downplay it, the desire to try and explain and minimise... because you dont want it to be real... but it is real... this man hit you.. and he will do it again because he is not facing real consequences for it at all... because you have stayed.
Please find it in yourself to get away. You dont deserve this, absolutely no one does. It will be hard to leave at first, you'll feel awful for a while... but in the long run your life will be a hundred times better than if you stay. Violence like this in the majority of cases gets worse over time. Leave now and live the rest of your life without this fear. You CAN do it.

are you still there OP.

Just keep checking in every now and then. even if you haven't got a plan in place YET< check back in.

I spent a few weeks in the run up to my escape posting things home to my parents.

Take heart OP. You are in a better position than many who find themselves in this situation.

You have decent loving parents. You are educated and capable of resuming a career at some point. You can get away and build a future.

Start planning to leave. Report this assault to the police so it is on record but once you are away. Take pictures of any bruises.

And finally, get angry. How fucking dare he do this!? Plan to leave. The first weeks and months may be hard but in years to come you will look back in the knowledge that you drew a line and took back your power. X

Please leave, as others have said it will only escalate.

Abuse thrives on secrecy, so go to your GP, call women’s aid/the national domestic helpline.

Your best bet, when he is working is to collect all your passports/birth certificates, grab a bag of clothes and just leave. Your family will believe you.

OP whatever happened? Are you safe now ?

I hope you left

Your story is very similar to mine

The abuse got worse and worse
They never change

You poor thing. You must’ve been so scared