Husband seeing prostitute.

[Ifeellikeivebeenkickedinthegut]

I found out yesterday that my husband is not who I thought.
I took his ipad for our child to use and as I unlocked it I saw a we page for cam girls.
I went back into his office to rib him about looking at girls/porn (I didn't realise it was a cam girl page initially, I thought it was one of those classified pages that pops up during porn) and his face dropped when I showed him in. Immediately I knew my first thoughts were wrong and something was going on.
He jumped up and tried to snatch it back off me. I kept telling him to tell me the truth, but he kept saying he was. Eventually he admitted he had spent £50 in credits on a cam girl page.
He eventually gave me the passwords and I managed to find that actually he had spent at the very least £400 and spent a few girls money direct.
I was gutted and furious. We had a friends child over as well as my child so I had to stay calm.
He went out to get dinner. My child fell asleep and I got his ipad back out to torture myself some more. The site was really hard to navigate but I managed to find some reviews he'd left. It was very clear from the reviews that he had met up with women. 4 of them. He had also bid on a 5th.
I feel sick. I confronted him. All he keeps saying is he is sorry.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick. It's his birthday today. Obviously I cancelled all plans. He is just acting really nice and helpful at the moment. Says he loves me and will do anything to make it work. I feel like he feels remorseful because he has got caught.
I never ever in a million years have thought he would do anything like this to me, us. Our family.

Blimey

Oh Jesus OP. That’s a depressing update. But your choice.

I'll never understand why people stay with partners like this. Get some self esteem OP

No advice but I'm sorry you're going through this How awful for you but in the long run, it'll be you that comes out of this situation so much stronger and better off. Not him.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and loads of self care

I'm oh sorry OP, just read update.

Hope it all works out for the best!

Don’t take his word for it with STI test.

Get yourself tested.

Get yourself tested.

Get yourself tested.

Oh and everything he admits to? It’s at least 90% worse.

Op he is not a great dad at all. He has shown you what he really thinks of women. You have a son, would you be happy for him to grow up and think that's ok or god forbid act in a similar way?
What if you'd had a daughter instead? Would that make you think any differently?
Would he still be a 'great dad'?

Your child nearly saw the women he was trying to buy the services of. Great role model.

You say that money is not an issue. Clearly it is, you must like the lifestyle it brings. What else would be keeping you with him.

This is so depressing it is hard to believe it is real

Please don’t rationalise this for his benefit. Being lonely is not an excuse. Many men and women travel away from home a lot but don’t resort to this.
If you leave him, you are not taking your sons dad away from him. He has done that himself.
Why should you live with this man, knowing what he’s being doing a lot of, and spending the next few years worried about him doing it again. Forcing yourself to have sex with him in fear of him going back to porn and orostitutes if you don’t regularly satisfy him. Every time you get intimate with him, your head and heart are going to be full of what he’s done. That’s no life for you.

This will way you up and crush you. You want to be the best mum you can be and to do that, you need to be the best version of you. Your husband is mainly responsible for his relationship with your son.
I think it’s fair to say he needs help.

I can understand why you’re going to counselling together but I feel you need it for yourself first and done distance from him.
Please don’t stay with him because you can’t stand the thought of him being more free to do his business more frequently.
I know it’s hard to take in what we are all saying in here, but your husband is agreeing to anything because he’s been caught.
Pretty much all husbands or wives grovel when caught out on something. That’s exactly how they ‘get away with it......until the next time’
By going to counselling with him your acknowledging your part in this.
This is not your fault at all. You did not cause this even slightly. If you weren’t having sex with your husband, then you also were not getting sex. But you didn’t pay for porn or have an affair?
He also tried lying to you to get away with as much as he can. That’s not remorse at all.
You’re expectations for truth telling will be higher for your son. Why let your husband, a grown man drag you into his ‘lets go to counselling dance’
He’s trying to convince himself he can stop, especially if you’re on board with him.
I would ask him to leave. Then see if he voluntarily seeks professional help himself. I bet he won’t. He will think there’s no point, which is admission that he’s happy to carry on.
If he’s truly sorry and realised he has a problem, he needs to prove it on his own merit. He needs help and he needs to slowly but surely earn your trust and respect back. You really can only do this if you separate. Otherwise it’s toxic, it’s heartbreaking even more so and your family life will suffer.
As for the money, it’s irrelevant how much he’s paid or how this impacts on your finances. It’s the sheer fact that he’s paid for these services and the way in which he has.
I know it’s scary, and sickening all at the same time but please don’t accept his sorry. Not yet. He hasn’t had the help yet so he won’t understand the impact of what he’s been doing and done to you and your son.
One day, in the future, should he get the help, maybe then when he looks you in the eye, and says sorry, you will see he means it.

Oh OP. Your heart and head must hurt so much.

Really though, can counselling erase what he's done? How can you ever get the images of him having sex with other women out of your head? I know personally i could nevet truly enjoy another family moment with him involved. It would always be on my mind
Death by a thousand cuts sweetheart
Your DS will pick up on your pain

Leave now or waste a few more years ans leave anyway

He'll do it again babe.

Xx

Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is normal - and acceptable - behaviour? Because if you let your husband stay he will do it again. The very fact that he is bidding on prostitues and paying significant amounts of money, telling you he has had a bj when plainly has had more given what he has spent, is all going on around your child. Are you actually ok with that?

Please get counseling for yourself. Your self confidence must be at rock bottom to accept this. Just the thought makes my skin crawl.

If you ARE going to stay, use the time to your advantage. Organise finances and paperwork so you can lay hands on it in a heartbeat. Build up a cushion of savings. Make sure you know your family financial situation inside out. Basically, prepare.

Yikes
Money aside, he checked out of family life when he engaged in that shit! He treats women like eBay as property for his own sexual pleasure?!?
He maybe a living father to view but the way he’s treating women and the mother of his child is just shite and no way a good example for his child.

You’re in shock, you want a family for your child and splitting is such a hard decision and easy for us to say. Take time to work out what you want and get counselling alone as well.

It’s unlikely he will change and you will revisit this again somewhere along the line but you do what you think is best, just keep yourself stable and happy and independent if you decide to get rid or he repeats or leave so etc xxx