Husband seeing prostitute.

[Ifeellikeivebeenkickedinthegut]

I found out yesterday that my husband is not who I thought.
I took his ipad for our child to use and as I unlocked it I saw a we page for cam girls.
I went back into his office to rib him about looking at girls/porn (I didn't realise it was a cam girl page initially, I thought it was one of those classified pages that pops up during porn) and his face dropped when I showed him in. Immediately I knew my first thoughts were wrong and something was going on.
He jumped up and tried to snatch it back off me. I kept telling him to tell me the truth, but he kept saying he was. Eventually he admitted he had spent £50 in credits on a cam girl page.
He eventually gave me the passwords and I managed to find that actually he had spent at the very least £400 and spent a few girls money direct.
I was gutted and furious. We had a friends child over as well as my child so I had to stay calm.
He went out to get dinner. My child fell asleep and I got his ipad back out to torture myself some more. The site was really hard to navigate but I managed to find some reviews he'd left. It was very clear from the reviews that he had met up with women. 4 of them. He had also bid on a 5th.
I feel sick. I confronted him. All he keeps saying is he is sorry.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick. It's his birthday today. Obviously I cancelled all plans. He is just acting really nice and helpful at the moment. Says he loves me and will do anything to make it work. I feel like he feels remorseful because he has got caught.
I never ever in a million years have thought he would do anything like this to me, us. Our family.

The bidding thing made my skin crawl and condom my arse.

You need to be checked out, he wasnt lonely he fancied a cheap thrill potentially to the detriment of your health.

Your bin diving husband is a pathological liar and a mysogynist to boot.

Sorry to be blunt OP but thats my honest take on it.

You don’t pay £400 for a bj with a condom.

Bidding for humans. What a sick world we live in.

His arse would be flying out of my front door the minimising fuck.

He’d be out my door straight away!. Bidding on actual humans, it’s revolting

He is not “seeing” a prostitute - that makes it sound like some half arsed relationship - he is paying sex workers and bidding on them! How gross. For me, there is NO WAY back from this. I feel for you as it must be so hard to know this

Obviously inexusable and disgusting behaviour. But just asking how you got to the stage of no sex/talking and how long that has been going on?
Most normal people would talk about it and/or go to counselling if there was a problem at home not prostitutes.

This happened to a friend recently. She caught her seemingly adoring DH meeting a prostitute once. She changed the locks, booted him out and has started divorce proceedings. There is no coming back from some things.

madcatladyforever that's irrelevant surely?

The bidding made me think of slave markets. That's the awful reality of being prostituted

What is this bidding ? Is this legal stuff ? are they willing to be bidded on ? Whatever it is it sounds pretty fucked up and sick.

TBH if you think your dh is meeting prostitutes for a BJ then you are very naive. I have heard of first timers not been able to go through with full sex and end up with just having a BJ, but for the amounts of times he's doing this a BJ is not going to be enough for him.

He's sending family money to prostitutes, he's paying to watch them on live cam, he's paying to have sex with them, he's paying in some sort of bidding shit, you say that yous can afford it, you don't want to break up the family, which tbh I don't understand but each to their own, I'd think or would at least hope I would tell him to get on his bike and fuck right off ! I don't think this behaviour can change ? maybe it can, hell does he even want to give it all up ?

Eww it just is all so seedy and dirty, his dick was in other women, he got his jollies by using money you could have used for family things, if you want to stay with him then he needs serious counselling, he needs all internet devices removed from his use, he needs to hand over his cards and cash he has, wages etc need to be paid to you and you dole him out some pocket money weekly. He's an adult, he'll find ways around things, but if you are wanting this to work out, there are going to have to be some BIG serious changes made.

Bidding for people to use? I didn’t even know such a thing went on. Grim. Sorry you have to face such shit, but you are better off knowing.

Bidding for a woman. Good God, I could never, ever forgive or forget this. I am so sorry he has shattered your life op, but could you really go on with a man who treats women like something he likes on ebay ? What on earth was he thinking ?

Apparently the bidding thing was something like he puts an ad for what he wants and they come back with their offer. It was £300 because he wanted 2 women.

I think I am in shock. I don't feel angry, just sad. The money isn't an issue, I don't feel annoyed about how much he is spending etc, just so upset he would betray me like this

£300 - for both women to give him a BJ with a condom, I suppose?

OP, if in your mind a BJ with a condom would be OK but PIV wouldn't, please understand that he's getting the latter and not the former - he's just a minimising liar who's not going to admit to anything you haven't seen with your own eyes.

Oh god it gets worse, didn't even know this type of crazy shit went on, there's not a hope he's having bj's then if he putting out ads for two women, sorry, but he's been obviously been doing this a long time. And leaving fucking reviews !!! No sorry, he's not giving this shit up, not a hope in hell, he's in too deep.

Two women at the same time to give him a BJ? He is trying to make an utter mug of you.

@Ifeellikeivebeenkickedinthegut

That's disgusting!
What was the name of the site?

He says he was lonely. I can understand why. We have no sex life, hardly talk in the evening etc.

OP, I really feel for you. Out of respect for the mother of his child/children instead of visiting and bidding (WTF?) on cam girls, he could have invested that energy and money in building back your relationship if he was feeling that way.

I would end a relationship, no matter how good it was in the past, how many kids you have or how much you love him. He has betrayed you in the most seedy way, I couldn't even bear look at him to be honest, let alone have him touch me again. If you self esteem isnt already shattered, staying with him will. Hes a coward, and hes making you feel like you caused it.

"We have no sex life, hardly talk in the evening etc."

Why not?

Men compartmentalise, and they are more likely to be distant. Just wondering what your opinion is why you have no sex life or intimacy.

I couldn’t stay with someone who did this as it’s the ultimate betrayal. Also - he only received blowjobs with a condom on?! Utter bullshit.

If you do decide to try and make things work then I suggest couples counselling to try and work through this mess with outside help.
You could also threaten him with regular lie detector tests to scare him into being faithful. It’s not much of a relationship without 100% trust though. He’s a scumbag!

@Ifeellikeivebeenkickedinthegut this happened to me too so I know how you feel. Utter devastation and disgust! There's no easy way around it. We didn't split up, but it was a not an easy decision to stay together and work on it. We both went into councelling separately and I demanded fulll transparency from him regarding his feelings and phone passwords etc. It's been 4 years now and I'd say we're still building back the trust. He has been much better at communicating his feelings and has been a better partner in general. I still get flash backs of him with someone else sometimes, so the pain doesn't just disappear. I think it depends on his attitude and willingness to own up to the reasons and beliefs that made him act this way. Councelling is good..

Wow, what a piece of work, I’m so sorry OP. You’ve had your world turned upside down so please be kind to yourself and don’t feel you should be handling this a certain way or feeling a certain way.

You say you can understand why he was lonely as you have no sex life or intimacy otherwise, but you didn’t use escorts, you didn’t cheat. You’ve been in the same relationship he has and yet you’ve managed to remain faithful and loyal, so I’m not sure he deserves much of a pass on that, OP.

LTB

Please leave him. You deserve so much better.

It’s not going to stop, he will get better at hiding things while you get increasingly more insecure. I could chip in with my story but reading up thread why bother? He’s in deep and it is disgusting. Its shocking and Its heartbreaking. As hard as it is, and it is really hard. Get out now. Don’t prolong it. I wish I did so much sooner. You will end up resenting him and he will fuck up again. This relationship is not going to get easier. The sensible thing to do is to end it. I don’t really reply to things on here, I am a lurker, I’ve taken the time to reply because I’ve been there and it’s shit and I stayed for longer than I should and I regret it. Get out now.

Leave him.

You will not be "taking away" your DS's dad. I'm divorced, my DS's dad has not been taken away, he can see DS as often as he likes. Being a single mother is a million times better than being in a marriage where you are treated so disrespectfully.

Men who see prostitutes are grim and misogynistic.

What I do not understand is what is the difference between getting a bi with a condom and penetration? He has been unfaithful either way and gone behind your back with hookers.
Whether you leave him or not is up to you alone but from my experience which was not to dissimilar the pain and hatred I had when my ex cheated on me was devastating. I did not break up the relationship at the time but I was never able to forgive the lies and deceit and eventually 3 years later we split up.
I wish I ended it the moment I found out which was also through finding incriminating evidence on the internet. But at the time I thought splitting the family up would be worse. I was wrong and wasted 3 years of my life being unhappy and humiliated.
She told me she only gave blow jobs and was spanked I didn't believe it and had many a blazing row over whether penetration happened. But she denied denied denied. I realised did it actually matter what went on because the trust was broken and everything she told me during the period she cheated on me was a lie.
Once a cheater always a cheater and I strongly believe that.