DH wants to apply for new job 700k away.

[StartupRepair]

Name changed for this. Married 22 years, one DD at uni, one DD in final school year. I have a relatively new job here which I really love. DH has suddenly announced that he has seen this job, it is what he would really love and he thinks we could make it work. I feel as if he is proposing a separation. We haven't had a great last year or two, both a bit snappy. He envisages me keeping the show on the road here and him coming back every couple of weeks.
He mentioned it to younger DD who is in tears and also feels that it is him checking out of the family.
Could we make it work? Or is it the death knell for our relationship? Should I be encouraging and supportive? I feel hurt and anxious.

No it's not about the job, it's about making decisions that will impact the family without consulting anyone.

As for why doesn't the OP move, well she's got her job to consider and also her DC is in the final year of school, it would be very unsettling for her dc even if both partners wanted to make the move.

Yes of course both people should enjoy their jobs, but should everyone uproot for one person, I'm sure there are other jobs he could apply for closer to home. I've lived away from home for work and it's a very different set up to living and working at home. No responsibilities, no looking after the dc (even older ones need consideration), no renewing insurance, no household chores, no house upkeep etc etc etc. That's also presuming the company will pay all expenses. So no worrying about bills etc. The partner left at home nearly always ends up doing the majority of the 'house upkeep'. And of course when the partner comes home, the last thing they, and the family want to do is a list of chores, they want to go out and enjoy their time together, so any jobs he/she could do to take the burden off, get put to one side.

This isn’t a “consulting” situation. The key issues are whether both of you want to continue your relationship (which seems uncertain); if so whether, if he gets the job, you are willing to do long distance and all the parenting for an indefinite time; if your answer to this is “no” whether he will go anyway; and if he does whether you will end the relationship.

If he gets the job and decides to go, whatever you decide in the short term about the relationship, you should get legal advice on whether/how him living abroad could affect a divorce and financial settlement.

30% more money isn’t much given the additional costs of maintaining two homes, travel etc.

I would suspect that he either wants divorce without losing his assets (so remain married only on paper) or he is threatened by the fact that you have a great new job you love with lovely coworkers and wants to move you away so you lose that job and focus only on him.

The sudden timing - now you have this great job - favours the latter.

In my 50s I have worked in a range of roles and organisations over the years. This is the first job I have had in decades where I look forward to going in in the mornings and come home feeling weary but incredibly stimulated by what I have done and learner. I am not walking away from this. I would love DH to feel the same way about his work. I don't think him moving away from the family is the answer. I guess by consulting and checking in I understand that he will ask about flexibility, about the chance to work sometimes from home in our city etc. I also feel after our last conversation that I can say to him that I think it is not going to work. But I'm ok with him starting the process of learning more about it.