Would you date this man?

[Bluetriangle9]

Would you date this man - in my shoes?

Him:39 (almost 40). Self-employed on a moderate wage, very handsome, friendly. He has only two friends, one 1.5hrs away, one local. He's lived in the UK for 10yrs & he was married for 4yrs but had an affair & got divorced. The affair produced a child 5yo & they broke up within the first year. He maintains he has a good relationship with the ex gf & sees the child daily. He lives in a flatshare with 2 others that I can't ever visit, because 'it's not nice'. Has no hobbies or interests but enjoys a drink at the pub. He is very tactile & huggy & has made his liking for me crystal clear.

Me:49, menopausal, sigh, with a mum-bod to match. Moderately affluent divorcee (married 20yrs) with a large owned home. My dc grown up & left. I don't drink & dislike pubs.

I have some niggle that he saw my home with plenty of space & thought it'd be a great upgrade to his flatshare with plenty of space for his son. I look at him & think he could have a different girlfriend 10yrs younger than him, start life over, have more dc etc. We get along very well but I struggle to find what we have in common. I have a million hobbies/interests/friends. But I do like him - the bit I've seen so far. Trouble is, you only really know someone's truth until you've been with them. I don't want to be used.

So hit me with your worst, what do you think?

Christ no! I got as far as affair and that was my thought. Then I read flatshare, can't go there. Just no. And that's without the child and ex situation. Why would you even consider it?! Keep working on yourself but good on you for listening to your gut. Just don't ignore it now.

Dare I ask his country of origin?

If you can’t go round to his then that’s a red flag . Alongside the obvious cheating . Have fun but don’t move him in with you !!

Isn't there a saying - something like
"no man falls in love as quickly as one who needs somewhere to live"
Something like that anyway...

You don't say how you met this man .
Whatever you decide to do make sure it's completely on your own terms . You have more to offer him than he appears to be able to offer you .
His being younger and you say handsome might be beguiling - you at 49 are hardly over the hill but it sounds like already you feel on the back foot . You'll always be walking on eggshells .

An affair withresulting child is be massive no.

Flatshare with 2 others his DP & DC!

RUN. DO NOT SHAG. DO NOT TOUCH IT.

He has a personal belief/values that cheating is ok (it isn't)

No because of

1. The affair
2. The young child when yours have grown
3. The horrible place he lives in
4. Your gut instinct that has led you to post here

You'd be crazy to proceed

How did you meet him? I think you’ve posted about this a couple of times before haven’t you? And everyone said the same thing then. Sorry op.

HELL NO!!!

I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. Been there and done that. Ended up with a Cocklodger.

Sounds a cheeky bugger to me.

@misspiggy19
I thought the same. I have about 3 friends 🤷🏻‍♀️
Long term friendships and healthy ones too.
I just don’t trust people though so limit my friendship circle.

I don’t see limited friends as a red flag, however the company of those friends would be if they were the wrong sort of company.

His 'flat mates' are his partner and child and he's after money.Foreign waiter stories spring to mind .Sorry OP

No way, to have an affair AND have a child as a result of it is just unforgivable. A leopard doesn't change its spots, sorry. Not where cheating is concerned anyway.

He seems to lack ambition and sounds like you'd be dragging him up.

If you're happy and can accept the above then go for it otherwise you need to run a mile

In a word No.

I wouldn't shag him cos you might get attached and before you know it he is living with you. Leave well alone

Definitely leave it alone. If you’re having concerns so soon it’s not a good sign. And he doesn’t sound great.

Mess around maybe, anything serious no

Why is a 39yr old still living in a student style flatshare?
Is he really a slob with no standards or looking for a woman to mother him?
Or maybe he doesnt live in a horrible flat share but with a woman?
Sounds odd.
He can live in a flat share but hes old enough to live somewhere respectable, that's warning enough for me!

I second the posters who said that the flatmates are the DP and DC. 100% still with her and he's just full of shit about the flatshare

Has no friends - because all his friends know he is still with his DP and doesn't want you to meet them

Computer says no!!!!!

I would say trust your instincts, which are telling you to back off. There is a certain type of man that thinks a single woman (particularly an older solvent single woman) is desperate for a man to move in (and scrounge off her) and will be grateful for any specimen that shows an interest. He doesn’t seem like a catch in any way, from your description.

If I had a garden full of fannies, I wouldn’t let him look over the wall.