We have been together for about a year, he is affectionate and caring but I’m afraid he is a mess when it comes to organising his time and finances, if I don’t keep reminding him of things he has to do or pay, he just simply swans around until it becomes a problem. He has a good heart and is very generous (possibly part of the problem) but I am getting so frustrated with it all I am thinking of ending it, the only reason why I don’t is because I really enjoy his company.
So not to drip feed:
- I work full time and care for my teen 24/7. My salary is small but I am very organised with money, so DS and I have a good life despite my income, we keep expenses in track and can afford some little luxuries from time to time. I am trying to save as much as possible to help DS once he starts uni in a couple of years time. I own a house (mortgaged)
- Before he lost his job, he was earning twice my salary but he had a huge amount of debt, mainly the result of divorce legal fees and some hefty loans from his previous relationship. The payments for these debts, combined with child maintenance and high mortgage payments meant that he was often pennyless by the end of the month. Thankfully he didn’t mention about the debt until his mother passed as it would have killed me with worry. I really live with little money so it is not as if I have been missing going out or on holidays but I find it incredibly irritating and embarrassing to see his credit card been rejected.
Problem is, he lost his job before he got the inheritance so he has been having dinner at my house all the nights he doesn’t have the kids, he is often here throughout the day even when I’m at work.
He has a lot of stuff to do, sorting his house and clearing the one of his mum, but he is here all the day. He sometimes do help with the garden or housework but most of the nights I come in to find the house in the same mess I left it in the morning and with an extra mouth asking what’s for dinner.
He has got the money from the inheritance now, paid the debts and the remaining will keep him living comfortably even if he doesn’t find a job in years.
Problem is, I am tired of nagging him to do stuff, and I am tired of coming back to entertain and cook for someone when I am exhausted after work. The house is a mess because I simply don’t have time in the evenings to do house chores.
But the sticking point is the food. Most things I usually get from the supermarket come in two portions so having him around means I need to buy for four instead of two. He often offers to pay when we go to the supermarket but as we rarely go to the supermarket together, he is not making up for this extra expense.
How do I tell him I want him to give me some space, meet once or twice in the week instead and ask him to contribute to the cost of food and the work that having him around causes?
I know you are all going to tell me to end it but honestly, I want to explore the possibility of sorting things while he gets a job (he is actively looking and having interviews). I am fed up at him being at my home doing not much throughout the day and waiting for me to come and cook dinner (he will cook/pay for stuff if I ask him but I am bloody tired of having to remind him it is his turn to cook/pay)
Has anybody managed to keep a relationship with a disorganised man without killing the love you felt for him?