Husband angry with my parents

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Hi, so my parents babysat last night for us. We’ve been in our new house for 3 weeks. We are still in a bit of chaos and finding homes for everything. They brought their dogs round for the evening, we have one too and they all get on. We asked that the dogs not go in our living room yet & stay in the kitchen. However they did let them in, they might have also been upstairs in the house (can’t be sure of this yet). Needless to say my husband was furious when we got back. I didn’t want a scene so I shushed him as they left. He then searched the house for what else they might have done wrong. There was a mark on a chair etc. I know this is going to lead to more rows today. I understand why he’s cross, but they do a lot for us and look after our dog a lot. How would you deal with this? He wants me to tell them how upset “we” are. They also help with childcare during the week. I don’t want a massive row with everyone. I know my parents will think he’s being unreasonable with all they do and how we’ve always been welcome in their home. They’ve expressed to me before that they have never felt comfortable at ours because of all his rules etc. His family have very different attitudes towards shoes in the house etc. We have been arguing a lot lately and I just can’t face more of it. How would you deal with this? I know it might sound superficial but he’s was so angry about the whole thing. TIA

I am very surprised he got a dog let alone had a child.

Hope the child doesn't make a mess or spill something or break something.

Has the dog chewed anything or had an accident indoors yet.

I think you sound like you are living

Stupid phone

I was going to say

I think you sound like you are living in a pressure cooker

I think you have had an awful lot of help
that a lot of people would kill for and your dh is at the stage of taking it for granted

Maybe a year or 2 of shelling out thousands each month on childcare, kennels and dog walkers to look after the dog when you are at work and living in a cramped flat that you can barely afford might knock the shine off him wanting perfection

Do his parents help out or is it a case of inviting a dog and a child into their house might damage the furniture

Your husband is a control freak who has trained your dog to the point of automatic unquestioning compliance and is now trying to train your parents similarly.

The bigger concern is that he seems to be 75% on the way to training you as well.

What would happen if you told him that you had made it clear to your parents that their dogs as well as your own will welcome in the sitting room that evening? Or wouldn't you dare?

I don't agree with the responses painting your DH as controlling. It's his house and he'd asked guests not to so something and they ignored him. That would piss me off too. And a gift shouldn't make anyone beholden to the giver. I do agree though that if he has an issue and you don't it's up to him to raise it if you won't do it - but as his spouse, you should support him really.

Dljlr it isnt His house it is their house both him and the OP's she is entitled to feel at ease in her own home, not pander to a manchild. OP is his Wife not The house should be made by them both, he is not the boss

The way I’d handle it is by reminding him they were doing you a favour so wind neck in and not be so uptight.

As a pp has said, you need to find your own voice here. Think carefully about how you feel about your parents behaviour; if you need to say "no" to what your dh wants you to say then SAY IT. Then totally, totally stand your ground.

Your dog goes in the lounge yet you told your parents theirs couldn’t? Wtaf?

I’d be cross about the mark on the chair, that’s careless and icky. Is your dh autistic? I ask because my cousin is and he will check to see if there is a hair on his bed/if it smells if he thinks someone has been upstairs. Little bit obsessive about what a neurotypical person might not even consider.

What was the 'mark on the chair' as a matter of interest?

It could be anything from dog teethmarks, a blob of shit to a dent in the cushion where a dog may (or may not) have sat.

I'd be annoyed about the first two (provided that they were dog and not human accidents - how could he tell?) and the third one would probably make me wonder BIG questions about my DH.

The mark was she thinks her father hair product.its been cleaned no mark left behind.
The husband is very disrespectful and ungrateful.
If he knew he wanted to be a man he should not take his inlaws gift of money for the deposit as well as not relying on them for childcare.
Shameful.
Op there are a lot of unspoken words in your post