Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Khaleesi agree with Simon as long as he was polite about the no it’s fine.

Mr Silver Fox sounds good More!

Not because ignoring the fact he ended it, and we clashed when not together and I can’t imagine our lives ever gelling and he plays his cards way too close to his chest for me. When we were actually physically together I’ve never connected to anyone as much, it was just perfect.

He’s Mr Unavailable.

@WhatWhyWhen but you want more than a physical connection with him? If so I think you should go NC. Don't be so available to him. With Mr Unavailable there is a fall back girl...

after i’ve gone no contact with Dr hot-and-cold-for-8-months B who i’ve just helped move house and who then disappeared again, i can’t say i have better stories with others.

Mr S who loved our second date, felt very attracted to me and kisses, played hide and seek and when i called him out that i don’t want penpals or casual, he said he doesnt want that either and friendzoned me.

Mr P, a friend of a friend, was very keen to take me home after an hour on our date (he basically undressed me with his eyes immediately and I wasnt dressed in any sexy way), he respected my no and said he wants to meet to get to know me, but also didnt get back in touch after the date.

it’s exhausting, emotionally exhausting. i feel I'm just a body and nobody cares about my personality…

Not sadly it was and still is more of a mental connection, which considering what Lonely just posted is probably part of the problem as you get so so sick of it being all about sex.

But you are right, I’m defintely consciously fall back girl!

And I’m sorry lonely it’s so hard to get past that expectation of physical needs in OLD it’s all it seems to be about.

@whatwhywhen he sounds like my Mr Fireman. When we were actually together he was attentive, affectionate, considerate, funny, charming...
And in bed was unspeakably good. It was perfect... but in between was hot and cold. No consistency. My french friend said that he wants a lover but I want a partner and that summed it up for me.

@WhatWhyWhen @LonelyButterfly we can't control other people's actions. But we can control how we respond to them. I felt sad @LonelyButterfly that you felt he need to point out what you were wearing. It sounds like you felt guilty in some way that your date made you feel uncomfortable.

Had a nice date last night - he was attractive and we chatted away but just didn't feel a spark - I was his first OLD and he seemed very nervous - he has only just separated - we have agreed to meet again but I normally know on the the first date !

@KhaleesiTargaryen that perfectly sums up Mr Bucket for me. I’m back on the apps and have matched with a new iron. I’ll have to think of a name! He seems kind and respectful and keen to meet, but I’m still hung up on Mr B. Damn that man.

@WhatWhyWhen @Notcoolmum thank you!! It seems nobody is interested in opening up about personality anymore. Made this experience equally in online and real life dating. Since sex got easy to get, love is hard to find. It's so much easier keeping up self protection that way i suppose.

Just read this quote on another thread

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

So true. My self worth has never been better. Feels very good.

@LonelyButterfly have you read Me Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. It has helped me to think why I'm choosing the men that aren't emotionally available. I think we can see from this thread that there are men who want a real LTR and not just sex.

Have thrown caution to the wind and joined Bumble!
I have paid to see who likes me but when I click on them I can't see their full profile just their photo, is there anyway of looking st their full profile as there's more to it than looks for me?

Mr Silver Fox is now embarrassed by his drunk texts last night. Not sure yet if that means he regrets what he said tho! Waiting for his next reply.

Viva you should be able to see full profile, don’t click the photo, scroll down?

@Notcoolmum i have read it last week, it's fantastic, it has led me to stop the penpal thing with Mr S. and although Mr P and Me F weren't my choice but introduced by a friend, i also deleted their numbers after zero effort after a first date. They may be available but not like me enough.

It's really good isn't it @LonelyButterfly I think I need to reread it after Mr S broke no contact...

Afternoon peeps, fully refreshed after 2 weeks away with kids. Joined back up to a few OLD sites yesterday so will see what happens, I have to try to not get attached so soon and do multi-dating! Life will help to keep me grounded this time hopefully as it's about to change (usually Dcs go to STBXH's for 2/3 weeks at a time which means I can have a social life for a while, DS12 no longer wants to see his dad so will have 0 time on my own. Dating may be harder but I think the new situation means I will have less focus on being disappointed with what happens with OLD as I have to concentrate more on DS).

Hi @scotgal2017 wow that's a big change if DS normally spends 2 weeks at a time with his dad. What's happened to change this. Hope he's ok.

@notcoolmum long story, basically STBXH was abusive/controlling, so DS is scared of him and has been saying for the last 3/4 months he doesn't want to go. He has other stuff going on (has Autistic/Asperger's traits and finds school/friendships hard) which his dad has never dealt with in the right way, so it's no great loss for DS really. For example, DS is into gaming and has 2 online friends (the onky way I can get him to interact socially, and I'm happy to supervise and for him to have friends as he knows about not giving addresses etc - STBXH on the otherhand won't let him play with his online friends when he goes there so DS has no-one to bounce off of/have social time with apart from his dad/sister). DD16 can handle her dad's "anger issues" better and has always been a "normal" child in STBXH's eyes and so she's probably still wanting to go (not talked to her about her brother not returning as she would message her dad straight away and me/DS are needing a bit of time to get ready to handle whatever reaction comes as you never know how ex will react . I'll also have to find a different job as my current job means DD & DS sort themselves for school and after school as I worl split shifts, this is okay as DS16 has common sense, so if DD continues to go to her dad and DS doesn't, I have to be here mornings and after school to make sure he's ready in the morning/has care after school. It's all going to be a bit hectic (esp as STBXH has finally messaged to say he will get divorce rolling) so I might not even have time for OLD lol

@vivavegas Not everyone bothers to fill in the profile questions, annoyingly Bumble allows you to only post pictures, I'm still dreaming about a man on there who actually responds with a conversational technique rather than a 2 word answer to my opening question and then sit there until I get cross and message something aggressive like "are you always this chatty" and bazinga unmatch!

I'm so tempted to just open with "would you like to send a dick pic" and see what happens...
Not sure I'm in the right place for OLD, fed up with passive wimpy men who can't manage a conversation!

Do you lot chase messages or walk away? Still fairly sure MrEP is giving the slow fade. Keeps saying he wants to meet this week but I’ve messaged this morning and it’s read with no response.

Do I text saying you ok? Text asking if this whole thing is done as lack of response would suggest, or do both of those look needy and are pointless and I’m best just to fuck him off and delete?

So pissed off at the same old fucking pattern. I need to not do this anymore.

Why does it matter if he has read with no response straight away? He might be busy? I often read messages then respond later. Or is this a pattern? I'd leave the ball in his court and not chase.

I have a date arranged for tonight. Casual drink in local pub. Not much pre chat but that's how I like it!

I DEFINITELY wouldn't say 'you ok?' Id think a guy was mad if he did this. Like 'yes I'm fine, just living my life, why are you chasing me?!'